Have you noticed this with your parents as they’ve got older?

Good god - late sixties is nothing, the retirement age is currently going up to 67 and the age you can take a private pension is rising too. In the very near future people
will only just be retiring at this point.

in general I think not working full time is the driver rather than age. People
forget the challenges very quickly and I guess appreciation for how lucky they are declines over time.

I work full time, am a carer for an elderly relative and have a youngish child. Last bank holiday I had one day free and that ended up being taken over by relatives who, though not so very old don’t have full time jobs. I was irritated as they didn’t get my situation of needing to get tasks done on a day ‘off’, needing to get to bed early so I can get to work the next day, not watching whatever tv programme is popular and they want to discuss and not having time to exercise. It’s quite upsetting especially as the day before was spent with the elderly person I care for complaining- they are much older than late 60s though and medically, have many challenges. They too though can’t remember what it was like to work and, as they have oodles of times, have no empathy for my situation nor cognisance of the cost to me of supporting them.

they say youth is wasted on the young but maybe retirement is wasted on the old (or old-ish in this case).

Are they depressed?

It's not an age thing. It's a human condition thing. Your parents just have the twin luxuries of time and wealth in which to indulge in never being happy in the moment.

We all do it, but if you are poor, or running round after kids, working, busy, ill, just got promoted, wondering when you'll get that job, lottery win, promotion, perfect man, contemplating divorce, just fell in love etc etc you haven't necessarily the time to devote to it.

My mum has become very mean with herself. Everything is a waste of money to them, so it’s cheap food and not eating enough, no heating, clothes and towels with holes in that they won’t replace. They moan about washing up but won’t use their dishwasher, moan about gardening, cleaning windows, cleaning their house but got rid of their gardener, window cleaner and cleaner. They are very wealthy.

The turning small things into major issues is a thing they do. Someone called my mums mobile from a window company. She doesn’t want new windows but engages in conversation with the woman and then talks about the phone conversation she had with them to me for an hour from all angles. Why they had her number, what she said on the phone, neighbours who had new windows, their current windows, back to why they had her number and they shouldn’t be calling her. I said just say no thank you and end the call but get ignored and it continues. The supermarket not having the bread she wanted was a huge recent drama. It’s draining listening to it. She is constantly moaning and unhappy. She thinks she can tell us how we should be living which causes issues. Her health and her neighbours have become her main talking points, despite being in very good health and not really bothering with the neighbours and me not knowing who she is talking about most of the time.

She seems to have lost perspective on life. From what friends say I’d say these sorts of changes seem reasonably common but are not inevitable as I have friends who have parents who enjoy life, are still interested in other things and don’t make a problem out of everything.

My parents were not like that at all. They downsized without any input from me or my brother and sister and made no fuss at all. They were always positive and out to enjoy themselves. My DF has now died and DM is increasingly frail and about to turn 90, but she remains undemanding, though she’s delighted when I visit.

Mine are the same age and couldn't be more different - they went through a lot of hard times over the years, but now they have a relatively comfortable retirement and they are extremely grateful and happy with their lot now.

I was only thinking we hadn't had an ageist thread on here for a couple of days...

I don’t recognise this in either my parents (mid 60s) or ILs (late 60s/early 70s). They have slowed down a bit, although my parents are still working. In Laws have had some medical issues. They all go on holidays, see grandchildren a lot. Seem 80% happy and normal.

Only one I would say is unhappy but she has to work the most and is tired. None of them care much about ‘things’. FIL likes to complain about things… but he always has!

I love this, what an absolute inspiration your dear mum is, bless her.🌺

Yes. Mine kick off at the most stupid and minor of things and refuse to address the big, meaningful things.

I'm so sick of people assigning negatives traits to older age on MN.

Yes it is just your parents.

Would you rip out a six year old kitchen you chose yourself and pay €10K for a new one?

I think that’s bizarre, as well as a huge waste of resources.

My parents are like this. Whenever they tell me they are going out for dinner, I can predict what will happen- a few hours later I’ll get a message saying that the food was rubbish/ service slow/ too expensive etc etc.

They weren’t always like this, I’m not sure what has changed.

I'm their age. This isn't normal behaviour.

I'm in my early 60s and can't imagine myself ever behaving like that.

You have very miserable parents.

I’m 66 and not like that at all
Retired and loving life ( very lucky , I know )

I'm in my 70's and definitely not like that! - my MIL is in her 90's and not like that.

What i did notice with my parents though was that their basic personality traits got stronger as they aged, less filters. So my mother had less patience for people while my dad got softer.

I’m a similar age to your parents, and no, I’m not remotely like that I hope.

I am content, I don’t sweat the small stuff.

you can't do anything, nor should you. I am in my 70's and don't behave like this and neither do my friends/sibs. the only thing I can think of that can be explained by aging alone is having more candles on the birthday cake.

Yes but your post reads as though you think it happens to all people when they get older.

Not with the property thing, but yes with the minor stuff on a large dramatic scale.

Sadly for me, my (previously lovely when working) mother is now the self imposed and very very much accepted, chief of the village.

I have tried countless times to explain to her that leaving me dramatic messages telling me to call urgently is both scary and unnecessary.

usually the content of which is

call me urgently

when I do.

someone left the heating on in the village hall. Can you believe that.

My lovely dad doesn’t keep well and she knows this type of stuff upsets me. But so she continues..

DH parents the same. DISASTER CALL NOW. The telly won’t turn on.

They are happy. They just love to moan and complain. It’s very weird. I mean, I like a bitch occasionally but more like a comical rant.

it is their personality, or persona even.

I am an optimist. They are pessimists

My mum is 87 and ridiculously cheerful. It’s like she got to the age where she’s delighted to still be alive, and to have a new day to live. Like dogs. Some people just love to moan OP, sorry.

Their worlds are smaller than they were, blood tests etc are a big event so they sometimes seem more boring than they used to be. But they seem quite satisfied with life generally, still go on holidays and out in the evenings.