To not make my son share?

Sorry but this is hilarious, you went to a group - took two of the same thing amongst other stuff - buggered off to your own corner for an hour, he screamed at anyone that tried to take it and you think you're in the right?

😂

Visualising this makes me laugh out loud!!!

And all of that negotiation would still have taken far less time than hour that the OP let her son monopolise the toys, @Bloozie - so a better solution, imo than what she did.

To embarrassed to come back, perhaps she is learning how sharing works 🤦‍♀️
would anyone come back 🤦‍♀️

This

I don't have to imagine. I know how long it takes. I had a 3.5 year old son.

It takes slightly longer than it would to forcibly remove the toys, but cuts the emotional aftermath. I am NOT a perfect parent, but my son rarely if ever tantrummed, we never got into battles of will.

"There aren't enough toys to go around, so we need to share. Choose your favourite and we'll put the rest back so other children can choose a toy and have a nice time playing."
"No."
"Would you like me to choose a toy for you?"
"NOOOO! I'm playing with ALL OF THEM!"
"You're not though - you only have 2 hands. I know you want to keep hold of all of the toys, and I know it's frustrating, but you can only play with one at a time and these aren't your toys. They're everyone's toys, for all the boys and girls, not just you. Last chance - you choose, or mummy chooses?!"
"Noooooo!"
"OK. You're too angry to even choose. I get that. I'll choose. Let's keep the watering can because that's super-fun."
"Noooooo!"
"If you're too mad to even play with the watering can, then we can go and do some swimming or just go and play with your toys at home. Is that it - that you want lots of toys to play with?"
"Yes!"
"I seeeeeee. Yeah, it IS fun when you have lots. But the toys here are everyone's toys not just yours, so you can't have lots and we have to share them - get a wriggle on and we can get out and dry and go and play at home. Which toy are you looking forward to best?"

I would far rather take that time, than deal with a screaming kid. I don't have the bandwidth for tantrums.

And honestly, if you haven't got the time to have a conversation with your child about something as important as sharing, you've got bigger problems.

Re preparing kids for the 'real world'. I see things another way. We're raising a generation that isn't as cunty as previous generations, that is more empathetic and accommodating, so the 'real world' becomes a better place.

The 'harsh realities of life' are another way of saying, 'the product of parenting that modelled disrespect and didn't teach empathy or communication skills'.

My son is doing very well at work, his boss loves him, he wins awards and spot prizes... He's only 17 with a retail job, but I don't think he's a nightmare in the workplace. You sound like the Daily Mail tbh.

This is unbelievable if you think what you did to your child was reasonable. You are teaching him a very bad lesson.

Agree that you should’ve shared after an hour- if it was at the start of the session I agree but I also think at a public place it’s for everyone. Why go if you’re just going to play alone / not share… you may aswell just play at home in the paddling pool!

You are raising a spoilt monster.

Pool toys are for everyone. I would never allow my kids to take more than one at a time. Or we bring our own if there are things I know they'll want to have to themselves.

I suspect as always though, this will be a case of:

OP: AIBU?
MN: YES!!!
OP: No I'm not.

I’d agree with you if your child had 1 or 2 toys but he had a lot, there’s no reason he needs 2 buckets. You should have shared.

Why are people still replying as if OP is still reading, she is long gone.

Exactly. "Your turn" can't last the duration of the whole flipping session! 🙄🙄

Different issue and don’t want to derail the thread with a discussion about gentle parenting - but can you imagine how long this would take?

My friend’s a gentle parent and her son’s really indulged I’m afraid because she hardly ever uses the word “no” with him. The real world isn’t like this, I am afraid: when these kids get into it, they’ll get a short, sharp shock when they realise people with whom they interact aren’t going to validate their feelings of frustration or endlessly explain why they they can’t have what they want.

Gentle parenting doesn’t prepare kids for the harsh reality of life. We’re already seeing it in the workplace: these young people are a nightmare to manage.

The fact you say your son 'prefers independent play' really just means he isn't good at sharing, and you're fine with that, doesn't it?

YABU, obviously.

Oh dear! You’re unwittingly letting him down.

You must know you’re being unreasonable and encouraging your child to hog communal toys is going to lead to bigger problems FOR HIM when he starts school.

What YOU need to be teaching him as his parent before he starts school, is how to get along with, play and share toys with the other children.

If you don’t think ahead and change your attitude, your son will be the one being left out of play dates and party invites etc. It’s not just about him but if you’re viewed as an ineffective permissive parent, the other parents won’t want to be bothered with you either and school holidays are very long when your child has no friends to play with.

The OP has probably flounced off now, thinking we are all unreasonable and that her and her little precious prince can hog whatever they want for however long they want.

Countdown to her arguing with nursery and school when the little prince finds out that he can't do whatever he wants and throws tantrums.

Oh dear. How to raise a spoilt brat. I hate seeing this behaviour where parents would rather let their kids have their own way than deal with a toddler tantrum. Lazy parenting at it's finest.

I always admired one of my friends for the way they dealt with a sharing/taking turns issue. I watched her at a play date and I do mimick her a lot in other ways, this one stuck with me.

Her daughter went through a phase of getting incredibly zoned in on a game at around the age of three. It was a phase but she would be fixated on repeating the same task when it came
to water/mud/building play, and would always want to use the same toys to do it. In the end, my friend used to take her bag of toys with her to the pool and explain these didn’t need to be shared, but the pools
toys had to be, as they weren’t hers to keep. She could take turns with them, but at some point it would be time to put them down so someone else could play. It just worked well, she understood she could get into the zone with her toys, mum wasn’t stressed worrying about her sharing and it really helped the little one to understand that shared toys weren’t hers to keep for very long periods, but she could say she didn’t want to share her toys at that moment and that would be enforced by mum if needed. She was fine with nursery and then school, even at a soft play where she got into building a tower, she did so well when her mum reminded her they were shared toys.

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first.

A turn would be - to most people - 10 minutes or so, not an entire hour. An entire hour is called "hogging the toys" to most people.

@drearyllama are you coming back?

Any thoughts on the feedback 24 pages in?

That's way too many toys to take and keep for the whole session. There may not have been any toys left for that child meanwhile your kid has taken numerous toys for himself. He didn't need 2 buckets, that's selfish

I’m picturing you lugging your loot of

• two buckets,
• a watering can,
• several small toys,
• a float,
• and a 3 year old

And then feeling ‘targeted’ when people notice where the toy stash went and came to ask to share.

very unreasonable, school will be an eye opener

Your child was 'targetted' because he had MORE toys collected than other children playing with things. They were not HIS toys, they are shared resources for the session. He doesn't get to keep them for an hour and leave other children without. YOU should have been the one to see that there was a child with nothing to play with and encourage your child to choose something to give up.
Or bring your own set of toys to yhe pool and then he has the right to keep them. Honestly some people really dont realise the damage they are doing by teaching such selfish behaviour.

@LookInsideMySpottyBag (and @Bloozie , who also pulled me up on this)... Ok, I'm sorry that I used the wrong term. I posted in a hurry earlier, and to be honest, I don't know the difference between the official terms 'gentle' and 'permissive' parenting. My DC are a bit older, so I missed out all the new wave of parenting approaches that are prevalent now.
I agree with what you both said about how you would have dealt with this swimming pool situation - so you both sound like great parents, so if that is the gentle approach then that sounds good to me!
I'm sure you get my point though about the way that some parents are centring their DC so much that it's creating entitlement.

@mumuseli this isn’t gentle parenting.
Im all for gentle parenting done properly- this isn’t it.
people label crap/selfish/ineffective parenting as gentle parenting, which gives it such a bad name.
I do gentle parenting, but I also teach my children to share, I also give my child appropriate consequences when they’re needed.
More and more ineffective parents who just can’t be bothered to make their children upset by saying no to them (ie, by making them share) are being labelled as doing gentle parenting when in actuality they’re just not parenting their children at all.