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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not make my son share?

713 replies

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:14

I took my 3½-year-old to a toddler swim session today where they put loads of toys and floats out. We arrived at the start of the session and he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, then we went to the opposite end of the pool away from everyone else because he prefers independent play.

He played happily with those same toys for around 45 minutes. Another family then arrived and came to our end of the pool. Their older child repeatedly tried to take the watering can from my son, but he said, "No thank you, I'm playing," and held onto it. The child's adult moved him away the first time.

About 10 minutes later it happened again, but this time one of the adults came over and, while I was sitting right next to my son, told him that he had to share because he had two buckets. He again said,
"No thank you, I'm playing," but she took one of the buckets anyway and handed it to her child, saying,
"See, you have one now."

My little boy was upset because he'd been playing with those toys for nearly an hour. I didn't want to argue in front of the children, so I just reassured him and left it.

About 10-15 minutes later, the little boy came back again and tried to take another toy. This time my son shouted "No!" The lady came over, collected her child and said to the other adult, "Shall we get out?" The other lady replied, "Yes, because he's not sharing and she's not making him share."

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected. I also feel that if another parent had an issue, they should speak to me rather than taking something from my child.

I'm genuinely interested to know what others think.
Would you have said something, or would you have left it?

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 11/06/2026 17:57

The thing about finishing is not appropriate here were the should be reasonably short.

SiberFox · 11/06/2026 17:57

When people condemn gentle parenting, this is a prime example of what they mean

And if you think “thank you” makes this a polite answer, I don’t know where to start

fuggetaboutit · 11/06/2026 17:57

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

🙄 You sound like a child yourself.

TipsyMaker · 11/06/2026 17:56

My child would actively stay on a swing the whole time we are at the park, does that mean that's ok - he stays on the swing the whole time but nobody else gets a go because that's what he wants?

Lifestooshort71 · 11/06/2026 17:56

A reverse or yet another rage-baiting thread?

hazeleyesJ · 11/06/2026 17:56

It’s a shared pool, with shared toys. Did your son need all those toys all at once ? Was he actively playing with each one the entire time? An hour is a long time to keep shared toys all to yourself imo, especially as you had to both carry a number of these to your own section. Especially if there are limited number of toys. I’d have made sure all children had toys to play with before hogging so many tbh.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 11/06/2026 17:56

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

😂 you are being ridiculously unreasonable and you're not doing your child any favours.

ShetlandishMum · 11/06/2026 17:55

+7 toys for my child. 0 for your child.
We are fine for an hour. Bad luck for you having none.
Ffs.

Dunnocantthinkofone · 11/06/2026 17:55

This poor child is going to be so ill prepared for real life if this is genuine.
Mummy pandering to his every whim, warding off all and any others in an utterly unreasonable way while pretending to teach him to ‘share’ is purely setting him up to be a spoiled disliked child used to getting his own way later on. poor boy 😢

Justbreathagain · 11/06/2026 17:55

I agree with pp. If your only giving something up when your finished that's not sharing. If there were loads of free toys then I would say yes they were being unreasonable. However after so long with them toys I would have encouraged sharing . Looks like you have you answer x

OffredxJune · 11/06/2026 17:55

This must be a reverse surely

ToadRage · 11/06/2026 17:54

That's a lot of toys for a single child to use alone for an hour. I would not have expected a child in that environment to take more than one of two toys, there are other children and the toys are for everyone to use. I would understand your annoyance if the other child actually took the toy from your childs hands but if the toy was put to one side while your child was playing with another of the many toys he had chosen I don't think the other child was in the wrong to take it.

Rachie1973 · 11/06/2026 17:54

Too much for too long. You should have dealt with it earlier.

Glowingup · 11/06/2026 17:54

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

I think you need to get your own toys and not go to these sessions. That sounds ridiculous and I wonder if it’s a reverse because are people really so self centred and bringing up their kids to be self-centred?

TheIceBear · 11/06/2026 17:53

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

Sorry but you sound really self centred and obnoxious . Letting your child hog a pile of toys for an hour and getting indignant when a child tries to take his second bucket . And you are acting like you think you are teaching your kid an important lesson ? I suspect this is a troll post . I don’t believe a real person could be this immature and lacking in self awareness

Escapetothebumfrey · 11/06/2026 17:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Yep, repeatedly saying “no, thank you, I’m playing” will go down well 🤣🤣

UserNineNine · 11/06/2026 17:53

You can’t remove toys from the main area and keep them all to yourself and then complain because someone else wants to play with them.

What is somebody had taken all of the toys for themselves and your child had none. Would that have been fine by you because the child was playing with them?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 11/06/2026 17:52

Would you let him stay on the swing at the park even loads on other kids were waiting to have a go?

boohoomootoo · 11/06/2026 17:52

hugasaurus · 11/06/2026 17:50

And this is exactly the kind of scenario where sharing is fair and it’s a good teachable moment. He’s had plenty of time with the toys, someone has arrived who doesn’t have any, and he can share something he has already used for a long time so that they have something as well as him. It’s pretty much a textbook lesson in sharing that isn’t unfair to either party.

Exactly this. Do you honestly think he was going to stop playing with them if he’d already been using them for 45mins?

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 11/06/2026 17:52

You embarrassed yourself. Your son obviously should have shared when he'd taken so many of the toys and had already had a lengthy play with them.

Why is he saying 'No thank you' to kids asking him to share? Where's he learned that odd response from? It's not polite, it sounds haughty. 'No thank you, you cannot use my communal bucket. Good day to you, sir!'

CatkinToadflax · 11/06/2026 17:52

Personally I think hogging all those toys for so long and saying “no thank you, I’m playing” is really rude. Obvious your DS is far too young to know this, but it’s up to you to guide him.

ClovisWrites · 11/06/2026 17:51

Those things didn’t belong to your family so you had no right to hog that much stuff for that long.

Alterthemind · 11/06/2026 17:51

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

NameChangeMay2026 · 11/06/2026 17:50

SooPanda · 11/06/2026 17:20

Your child is only playing with the toys they're holding in 2 hands. The rest is hoarding. 2 buckets and a watering can is more than your fair share especially for over an hour!

And the rest! He had 2 buckets, a watering can, a float, and "a few" smaller toys. That's at least seven, minimum.

Goldensprat · 11/06/2026 17:50

OP, do you genuinely think that your child would have 'finished his turn'?

I think it's pretty clear he was going to play with them until he got out. And you spent a very long time in the pool, so long that it was too long for other children to wait for it to finally be their turn.

You've been very unreasonable. If they were his own toys from home, then fine, but you took more than your share of a shared resource.