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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not make my son share?

713 replies

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:14

I took my 3½-year-old to a toddler swim session today where they put loads of toys and floats out. We arrived at the start of the session and he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, then we went to the opposite end of the pool away from everyone else because he prefers independent play.

He played happily with those same toys for around 45 minutes. Another family then arrived and came to our end of the pool. Their older child repeatedly tried to take the watering can from my son, but he said, "No thank you, I'm playing," and held onto it. The child's adult moved him away the first time.

About 10 minutes later it happened again, but this time one of the adults came over and, while I was sitting right next to my son, told him that he had to share because he had two buckets. He again said,
"No thank you, I'm playing," but she took one of the buckets anyway and handed it to her child, saying,
"See, you have one now."

My little boy was upset because he'd been playing with those toys for nearly an hour. I didn't want to argue in front of the children, so I just reassured him and left it.

About 10-15 minutes later, the little boy came back again and tried to take another toy. This time my son shouted "No!" The lady came over, collected her child and said to the other adult, "Shall we get out?" The other lady replied, "Yes, because he's not sharing and she's not making him share."

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected. I also feel that if another parent had an issue, they should speak to me rather than taking something from my child.

I'm genuinely interested to know what others think.
Would you have said something, or would you have left it?

OP posts:
Escapetothebumfrey · 11/06/2026 18:03

Wdutua · 11/06/2026 18:02

Does a child under 4 understand sharing?

He obviously knows how to say No to it

junebirthdaygirl · 11/06/2026 18:03

You are obviously the other parent. No one could be this dumb!

MyTwinklyMoose · 11/06/2026 18:02

Public toys have to be shared or turns, personal toys do not have to be shared unless child has a friend over or goes on a specific play date. If your kid had two buckets he should have given one up, that’s poor parenting from you. The other child snatching them was poor parenting on them.

Not good all round to be honest.

MrMucker · 11/06/2026 18:02

Not calling you a liar OP, but I'm quite sceptical about your 3yo using the words "no thankyou I'm playing".
What on earth is the no thankyou for?!
Sounds as if your values are anything goes provided you use nice words.

However, this is basic, bog standard social behaviour in a developing child. You ought to be teaching him that actions speak louder than words.

I've met parents who do believe "please" and "thankyou" in themselves allow any kind of selfish or antisocial behaviour, like a special politeness pass into a world of shit behaviour.

I think that because in this case, yeah, it was pretty shit behaviour.

Plus I don't actually believe he said no thankyou anyway. My guess is he kicked off and you're covering for him, but I'm fine for you to clarify that if I'm wrong and you want to come back...

DedododoDedadada · 11/06/2026 18:02

I don't agree with them taking toys away from your son but letting a child continue to play with toys until they get bored is not sharing. They weren't his toys and he had several toys for a long period of time. That was selfish.

Wdutua · 11/06/2026 18:02

Does a child under 4 understand sharing?

Ellie1015 · 11/06/2026 18:02

How are you teaching him to share?

Our rule was you could say "I will give you a turn in 2 mins" then finish up and give someone else a turn. Especially in this case because they are pool toys. If it was his own toy he would be still ne encouraged to give other people a short turn how else do they learn.

Keeping it for so long when someone else is waiting for a turn is beyond rude. You should be teaching him.

MCF86 · 11/06/2026 18:01

I don't make my child share things he is actively using.
Assuming your son is not an octopus, he can't actively use two buckets, a watering can, a float and a few small toys all at the same time so that's not what this was.

WiddlinDiddlin · 11/06/2026 18:00

I do agree that learning to share is important, and also teaching sharing does not mean teaching kids they must hand over something they're using/enjoying simply because someone else wants it...

On the other hand, he's got two hands, so more than two toys when he is going to want exclusive use of all of them for an HOUR... is unreasonable.

You should have directed him to select two toys, not the presumably 4+ he actually had, and be explaining that these are to share with others and he can't expect exclusive use of them the whole time.

Or, bring your own toys, that he can then have exclusively.

Mistymaglets · 11/06/2026 18:00

Did you read that back before you posted it?
Your child hogged communal toys for the best part of an hour, including TWO buckets, and when another child wanted a bucket, you think it was unreasonable to ask him to share????

Why is your child so special?
I don't blame the other parents for their comments, your attitude is ridiculous.

Justbreathagain · 11/06/2026 18:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

That's a bit personal and uncalled for. I think the OP has got the message from all the posts. No need to start being nasty

Whaleandsnail6 · 11/06/2026 18:00

You genuinely think your child should have had way more toys than he had hands, just for his own use for the whole duration of a communal session?

Yabu massively unreasonable and don't even care that he was hoarding so many toys, whilst some children didn't have any?!

You're behaviour was selfish, precious and entitled and you won't be teaching your kid any favours if you keep this attitude

FeelingALittleWoozyHere · 11/06/2026 18:00

Yeah sorry OP, your son had too many toys for too long and absolutely needed to start giving some of these up - you were basically hogging a whole bunch of toys for an hour which is unreasonable

Excellentsausages · 11/06/2026 17:59

The other parent was rude but after 45 minutes I would have considered he'd had a good go at playing- when the kid came back a second time I'd definitely have offered some toys.

Didimum · 11/06/2026 17:59

Usually I’m on board with this ethos, OP, but not for an hour with communal toys. Poor show.

SpudGunToo · 11/06/2026 17:59

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

Why not yours? Which child should he have picked if there were no toys left and yours had several?

Do you honestly not see how unreasonable you are being here?

BerryTwister · 11/06/2026 17:59

It’s the time that’s the issue here OP. I never made my kids give up toys they’d only just started playing with, but if they’d had them for a good amount of time, I always thought it was reasonable to share.

PercyPigsAreOverRated · 11/06/2026 17:58

Is your son an octopus? If not, he wasn't actively playing with all those things.

Alterthemind · 11/06/2026 17:58

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Glowingup · 11/06/2026 17:58

TipsyMaker · 11/06/2026 17:56

My child would actively stay on a swing the whole time we are at the park, does that mean that's ok - he stays on the swing the whole time but nobody else gets a go because that's what he wants?

The OP would probably say yes

PrueRamsay · 11/06/2026 17:58

Is this a reverse?

Didimum · 11/06/2026 17:58

Usually I’m with you on that ethos, OP, but not for an hour playing with communal toys. You should be coaching your son to share in this scenario.

TheOccupier · 11/06/2026 17:57

If your DS prefers playing on his own just buy your own buckets and go to the pool at a different time. Going into a toddler session, scooping up more toys than a 3yo can even carry, and taking them to the other end of the pool to hog them alone for the entire session isn't cool. I'm surprised the session leader allowed it.

ShetlandishMum · 11/06/2026 17:57

TheIceBear · 11/06/2026 17:53

Sorry but you sound really self centred and obnoxious . Letting your child hog a pile of toys for an hour and getting indignant when a child tries to take his second bucket . And you are acting like you think you are teaching your kid an important lesson ? I suspect this is a troll post . I don’t believe a real person could be this immature and lacking in self awareness

I have seen staff intervene in situations like this at our local pool.

lazyarse123 · 11/06/2026 17:57

Sharing is not always advisable but he had more than 5 things. He definitely didn't need 2 buckets and a watering can. I think yabu.