To not make my son share?

An hour is an awfully long time for the other kids to wait. I would find it frustrating to wait an hour in a pool to use a float, for example, and I am an adult. It really isn’t fair.

Can I ask what sort of setting this was where you let your child play by itself in the water for an hour and don’t engage with him? Or have a I misread something?

If my child had taken more than one item of each then I would have definitely offered the extra one to another child. If you know your child likes to hog toys and you’re unwilling to make him share why can’t you buy him his own set of toys?

Problems solved, they’re all his and his alone.

YABVU, annoying, and selfish. HTH.

When people say “I teach that they are allowed a turn before they share”, they just mean they don’t make the child hand it over instantly. The adult is still meant to make sure they do share after a reasonable time playing with it. They don’t mean they let them keep it as long as they want and screw everyone else!

If this has happened after 10 minutes of playing, you’d be reasonable but bordering on unreasonable if you didn’t start sharing soon. You’re definitely selfish and unreasonable in your example!

I'm guessing because your son was hogging around 7 or 8 toys? I wouldn't let my child hog a load of toys, I'd make them share if they had that many. Fair enough if he only had one or two, but not a load of toys.

I think he should have shared after all that length if time. Sorry.

If there were other watering cans and buckets then no o your child should not have given his up. If not the yes he should have given them to the other child.

You allowed him to hog the toys and moved him to the other end of the pool, so you were in the wrong. She was in the wrong but it was due to your poor parenting.

Turning it round, how would you act if you turned up and your DS had no toys and one child had many, including 2 of the same toy?

Would you apply your sharing rule and tell your DS it was the other child’s turn until he finished playing, even after an hour? Or would you eventually ask him to share one of the communal toys?

How do you apply your rule to swings in a park? Does your DS get to hog one for an hour even with other DC waiting?

We do swimming sessions with shared pool toys most weeks. The general attitude is you pick a toy, play with it for a while then put it back or let it float away. Then you can choose something else. We don't take a selection and hoard them in the corner of the pool, getting cross at anyone who dares to approach. Perhaps the way forward for you and your son is to buy your own pool toys and hire a small private pool for an hour. That way you don't have to deal with other families who want to reasonably utilise the facilities in a shared session.

Yes I think they do. It was a recurring theme at the toddler group I used to help run. Kids need to be prepared for school, where they’re definitely expected to share.

I have seen staff interveen in situations like this at our local pool. It does happen.

Sharing doesnt mean when you are prepared to give them up, when you've finished with them. This is teaching an awful attitude OP

Mine don’t have to share but they do absolutely have to take turns and I think that’s possibly the difference.

It is difficult being the other parent in that scenario because you tell your child ‘the little boy will be finished soon!’ and then they aren’t and you end up having to say something. If happened to us at a museum once where a child was just hogging this item for absolutely ages and I did have to ask him to let others have a turn in the end (which is very unlike me as it happens but I had a very outraged five year old with me!)

Surely the parents of other kids could have said the same though - perhaps with more justification as you arrived at the start of the session so your son had probably had them for longer. If everyone says "why should I share when someone else can" then toys (or whatever is in question) just get hogged and conflict arises. Maybe other kids also refused which is why he came back after 10 mins!

She shouldn't have taken the toy from your son but equally, he's had what sounds like quite a lot of toys for 45 minutes, you should have encouraged him to share, esp when they returned.

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first.

A turn, with toys that were not his own, should be 5-10 minutes. Not a whole bloody hour! When the other child came, you didn't even bother to look to see whether there were any other toys available to him. Given his and his mum's persistence, I'm guessing that there were not.

And the mother will have targeted you because your son had SEVEN toys. The other children probably had one or two.

Honestly, I find it hard to believe what I'm reading @drearyllama . You sound incredibly selfish, and your son will end up that way too, at this rate.

With shared toys it's unreasonable for any child to have a "turn" with any item that lasts longer than about a quarter of the session time even if there are a huge number of items to choose from. If the number of items are smaller then even that is far too long and each turn should be no more than a few minutes. If your son needs to use the same items for over an hour then it is unreasonable for you to use toys that don't belong to you, you should buy your own items. The other parents are teaching their children what it means to share and it's natural and reasonable for them to notice when another child isn't being taught the same civilised behaviour norms.

You sound very selfish and are teaching your child to be the same.

Or is this a reverse?

Yeah you can't take toys off a kid while it's their "turn" but their turn also can't be the entire play session. You also can't hog multiple things especially multiple of the same thing.

The other parents were intervening and "targeting" your child because you weren't parenting him and sharing the toys with everyone . Your kids going to find life hard if you don't sort this out.

For a whole hour too!

No thank you I am playing....

92% saying yes you are unreasonable

Because it's a public session, and shared toys! Not first come, first grab.

Not one with this mother, clearly

Depends how many toys there were. Two buckets makes sense for pouring into the other (I have a 3 yr old) but if there weren't anymore and he'd had them 45 mins... I'd probably be the guiding hand suggesting it's time to change the play and relinquish one bucket. It's all very well saying one can keep public toys while in active play, but if that play never ends its a moot rule no? If a child is on a swing and keeps swinging, their turn never ends eg.