To not make my son share?

So what would you have done if your child had no toys because another child was playing with two and hoarding the rest?

Would you have said 'oh they were here first darling, just wait patiently for an hour till they are done and you can have a turn'. I am not so sure....

Can I ask how you would feel if it was the other child who wouldn’t share with your child?

At nursery when we know other children are waiting to play with something we would set a time limit and say you have another 10 minutes then it’s time to swap.

YABU. He didn’t need two buckets AND a watering can AND a few small toys AND a float. Some of them must have just been bobbing about it the water not being played with anyway, unless you’re going to drip feed that he’s actually an octopus.

When he chose his toys you should have at the very least taken the second bucket off him, it would have been a good lesson in not being so greedy.

Your son had 2 toys and was probably pouring water from one to the other, so he needed two.

The other child arrived with no toys, wtf! Anyway, their behaviour was OOO and should not have tried to take things from your child.

Their adult should have spoken to you. Instead tgat awful behaviour of taking things was demonstrated. She was OOO. That's so rude, no wonder their child has issues.

I would suggest you bring one toy next time and use one of theirs. Sharpie your sons initials on your so it doesn't get mixed up with theirs. Then you would be in your rights to point out he has one toy for the whole session, the other is yours. They need to get toys for their kids. AHs.

Because he was hogging more than his fair share of them and not letting others have a turn even after an hour. Fair enough he's three - you are the one at fault not him. You should have stepped in and made him share and I am absolutely baffled that you think your behaviour is ok. You will end up raising an absolute entitled brat if you keep on like this.

Op, for how long do you think it would be reasonable for your son to have his ‘turn’ before sharing the toy, according to your rules?

Forty five mins with a toy sounds a very long time in a space with shared toys/facilities.

School life is likely to be a shock to
the system for him.

Let me guess, if you go to a park and your son was on the swing you’d let him stay on it despite other children waiting?

These were toys from the pool for ALL the children to play with.
Theres no way there was 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float fir every child in the pool!
All the time your dc kept all of those for himself, he stopped another child from using the swimming pool and the toys.

If it had been ONE toy, I could have understood but that was hogging stuff when he couldn’t possibly use all of them at the time.
Like 2 buckets and a watering can played together?
Or the float and the watering can + bucket.

Come on.
This wasn’t an issue with sharing. But an issue with feeling entitied to keep common equipment for yourself. Not good.

This! Playing for something for as long as you like, regardless of the fact someone else is clearly wanting it/waiting, and only letting them have it when you are done (and you are never done) IS NOT SHARING

Both of you ABU I’d say, taking two buckets and other toys for an hour is unreasonable when they’re shared toys in a public swimming pool. I think you should have told your DS to let other children have a turn now even if he was still playing.
You need to take your own pool toys if you want exclusive use

Presumably because the other kids were playing with different bits at different times whilst your child took loads (literally more than he was able to hold/play with at one time) took them to the other end of the pool and hogged them for the entire session.

I’m guessing because they looked at all the kids in the pool and saw they had one or 2 toys each, apart from your child so they thought, “oh look, that wee boy has loads, he’ll be able to share”.

I think you have problems that go deeper than your inability to understand how wrong this is.

I don't share my phone because it's MY phone. If it was a communal phone and other people were waiting to use it then...yes? I would share it?

If they'd been OP's DS's personal property then he obviously wouldn't need to share them but they were communal toys for all of the children to use.

I wouldn't go to a buffet and load up my plate and leave no food for everyone else. I wouldn't hog a table for 10 people by myself if there were groups waiting. I wouldn't go to a yoga class and take 3 mats for myself if there was only enough for one each. Of course adults share things.

Surely it’s common sense that at shared play you let your child select one or two things, and when they want something else, you switch out. If there are shared items and another child wants one, you tell your child (after 10-15 mins of play max) ‘time to share’, or you make the children take turns. Otherwise you are raising someone who is going to feel entitled to things that are not his. This will do you and society no favours in the long run. You were in the wrong. If your child does not enjoy playing with other children and is unable to do sharing, a shared swim-play is probably not the right session. You need to build up to that by taking him to play and stay sessions and having him switch out his toys with other children. My DD is the same age and can also be a poor sharer, but if she kicks off she gets taken out of the fun environment until she has calmed down and agrees to share nicely. I don’t make her share things that belong to her if we take them to the park etc.

Yes, we do. I'll give up - or offer to give up - my chair if I have one and someone is standing. I'll share my food if I have some and the person I am with does not - as in, offer half, not the leftovers when I'm done. That happens all the time in the office if someone has forgotten their lunch - do you want half of my sandwich...?

I've been charging my phone on the train and been asked if someone could borrow the cable when I'm done, and I've unplugged and handed it over there and then even though my phone is only at 50% - I'm not done with it, but I can see it would make someone else's life easier.

Adults don't insist it happens, because they don't need to, because we were taught generosity of spirit as kids.

Your son sounds like he is becoming selfish and greedy. It's not his fault it is yours.
I really don't understand how you cannot see this. Open your eyes before your son gets a reputation and kids won't play with him.
Those women made their feelings about you very clear.

Children shouldnt be forced to share their own toys. Nor should they have to give up a toy they have only been playing with for a short space of time (a few minutes) or give up a toy if there’s plenty of others similar.
it sounds like you were in a situation where there was a limited amount of toys and your child had several for a long period. This is an excellent opportunity to teach your child to share by explaining he had had lots of fun and now it’s someone else’s turn as they don’t have any.
it seems that you took the concept of a child shouldn’t have to give up their toys a bit too literally

OP I think you are being selfish in this situation and completely unreasonable

It's not sharing if you've finished with it. Some may think that 2 of the same toy is greedy when supplies are communal and limited

You shouldn’t have taken all the toys you took in the first place. The toys are for everyone in the pool, just because you were one of the first there doesn’t mean that you should be grabby. Kids learn from their parents.

Bit dramatic to say your child was targeted.

Your child had all the toys to himself for 45 minutes which is plenty time for him to have fun on his own as you said he prefers Independent play. The problem you may have is when he starts school to find that independent play is something that does not happen for the 6 hours he is at school.

I take my DGS to play cafes a lot and always encourage him to share. If he's playing with two things then I would always encourage him to hand one to someone else - it's how you teach your child kindness. Your way may be teaching an element of selfishness wrapped up in 'independent play'.

You allowed and enabled him to be greedy and selfish.

your son had far too many ' shared ' toys no one I repeat no one needs ' 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, '

how many hands does your spoilt son have ...

I wouldn't of let my child keep 2 of the same type of toy . Your child didn't need 2 buckets .

I go to a similar thing, my daughter would hog all the toys if I let her but I don't .

so yabu

That is an insane number of things you don’t actually own to own for over an hour. Very very unreasonable.