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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not make my son share?

713 replies

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:14

I took my 3½-year-old to a toddler swim session today where they put loads of toys and floats out. We arrived at the start of the session and he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, then we went to the opposite end of the pool away from everyone else because he prefers independent play.

He played happily with those same toys for around 45 minutes. Another family then arrived and came to our end of the pool. Their older child repeatedly tried to take the watering can from my son, but he said, "No thank you, I'm playing," and held onto it. The child's adult moved him away the first time.

About 10 minutes later it happened again, but this time one of the adults came over and, while I was sitting right next to my son, told him that he had to share because he had two buckets. He again said,
"No thank you, I'm playing," but she took one of the buckets anyway and handed it to her child, saying,
"See, you have one now."

My little boy was upset because he'd been playing with those toys for nearly an hour. I didn't want to argue in front of the children, so I just reassured him and left it.

About 10-15 minutes later, the little boy came back again and tried to take another toy. This time my son shouted "No!" The lady came over, collected her child and said to the other adult, "Shall we get out?" The other lady replied, "Yes, because he's not sharing and she's not making him share."

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected. I also feel that if another parent had an issue, they should speak to me rather than taking something from my child.

I'm genuinely interested to know what others think.
Would you have said something, or would you have left it?

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/06/2026 19:48

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

Because your child was selfishly monopolising too many toys, @drearyllama.

YourWildAmberSloth · 11/06/2026 19:48

Children shouldn't have to share their own toys, but these were shared toys for everyone, so yes YABU.

jackstini · 11/06/2026 19:46

He’s only got 2 hands so he can only actively play with 2 toys

Unless there was enough toys for every child to have that amount, it was unreasonable for him not to share and you were quite rude

Also, even if he prefers independent play, he will be at school in just over a year and needs to learn sharing and fairness or things will not go well!

FudgeFudy · 11/06/2026 19:45

I like these threads.

OP: Was IBU? I'm genuinely interested in what others think.
MN: Probably yeah.
OP: NO I WASN'T, EVERYBODY ELSE IS.

Sugargliderwombat · 11/06/2026 19:44

Op you're missing huge point here. Children shouldn't be expected to give up things they're using instantly but it's impossible your Child was using all those toys. you are both selfish ! Two buckets when someone has none ?

bigsoftcocks · 11/06/2026 19:43

Who are the 10% who think it’s reasonable !?!?

bigsoftcocks · 11/06/2026 19:43

Maggiethecat · 11/06/2026 18:39

Maybe we’ll get posts from the Op
when their DC starts school detailing the injustices of having to share in the true meaning of the word.

🤣🤣🤣

Shimmy1983 · 11/06/2026 19:42

Sharing when it is your own child’s toys is different to sharing when the toys are ‘communal’. In this context it’s about taking turns - your child had had their turn and for quite long!

HotGazpacho · 11/06/2026 19:39

Arsehole behaviour, honestly. YABU.

ShetlandishMum · 11/06/2026 19:39

morden123 · 11/06/2026 19:37

Imagine this scenario OP. Your child gets on a fire engine/play bus at a museum etc and there's a queue waiting of eager children to also have a go at being a driver. Would you let your child be driver for whatever time he wanted and then when he'd had enough the other children could then have a turn!!

Or you accept that another child is the driver for as long as the child want - and you leave the museum without your child having a go as the other child doesn't need to share toys either.

morden123 · 11/06/2026 19:37

Imagine this scenario OP. Your child gets on a fire engine/play bus at a museum etc and there's a queue waiting of eager children to also have a go at being a driver. Would you let your child be driver for whatever time he wanted and then when he'd had enough the other children could then have a turn!!

Stormwhale · 11/06/2026 19:37

I don’t think it’s fair to let your child hold on to any of the shared toys for the whole time. They are shared, supposed to be enjoyed by all the children, not just yours because he/you grabbed them first. I find it baffling that you think it’s ok and the other people were wrong for wanting to use the things they also paid for the session to use too!

Damsonjam1 · 11/06/2026 19:37

You were being unreasonable to allow your child to hog the toys. However the other parent should have asked the swimming pool staff to intervene, when you didn't share the toys on first asking.

12timesD · 11/06/2026 19:36

ClayPotaLot · 11/06/2026 19:12

It's a lot of toys for one child if there aren't others available. Since they were communal toys the reasonableness of your response depends, to me, on whether or not others were available. And I think that's on you to monitor when you've taken such a hefty whack.

I absolutely disagree with the idea that a child has to give up what they are playing with just because another child wants that particular item. I think children should be able to get engrossed in playing with what they have without having that interrupted because another child has FOMO. And it's far more important for the other child to learn to redirect their interest to something that's available than it is for the playing child to learn to give up what they are engrossed in. But that's very different from not giving part of what you have up if you are using more than a fair amount of a communal resource.

They can be engrossed in the playroom by themselves not in company, it's anti social from a certain age.

12timesD · 11/06/2026 19:34

OMG @drearyllama you are not helping your dc develop good social skills. Shameless to walk off with an armful of toys and hog them for an hour. Jeeeee

Cosyblankets · 11/06/2026 19:33

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

How do you know they weren't if you don't know if they had toys.
You went to a toddler play session and hogged toys for an hour.

Of course he should share.
If you want your own toys go in when is public swimming and take your own. But communal toys are just that.

I'm stunned you need to ask on here!
What will he be like when he's older?

liamharha · 11/06/2026 19:33

He's also not going to make any friends or learn any positive social skills if your allowing him to think this kind of behaviour is appropriate.

Goldengirl123 · 11/06/2026 19:31

Seriously???? You will be raising a very selfish child if that’s your attitude!!!

Bringyourfoldingchair · 11/06/2026 19:31

My goodness, I can’t believe you have to ask this. I can’t imagine there were enough toys for everyone to have the equivalent of 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float. If there wasn’t you took more than your fair share and are teaching your child to be greedy. He had more than he needed while others didn’t have enough. Is this honestly what you want to teach your child? He wasn’t actively playing with all of those toys all at once.

NotAFabergeEgg · 11/06/2026 19:31

If you're not understanding why this isn't acceptable there's very little anyone here can say to change your mind. But taking that many toys is completely greedy and unacceptable. If your child had 7 or 8 toys then the pool would have needed say 160 toys if 20 children turned up which shows how ridiculous it is. Good on that other mum I say for teaching your son to share. You clearly aren't.

SweatySpider321 · 11/06/2026 19:31

Matronic6 · 11/06/2026 19:23

Yeah, you are meant to model the kind of behaviors you want your child to show. If it was their personal toys fair enough, but they were shared toys for all the children there.

The fact you think your child is picked on and singled out is very telling.

Quite. I pity their peers and teacher when they go to school

liamharha · 11/06/2026 19:30

He's had them over a hour that's more than a his turn . You're raising a spilt entitled brat. It's just rude op different if your child hadnt had a fair play . Your also obviously very entitled.

SweatySpider321 · 11/06/2026 19:30

I would have said something and it would have been more blunt than the other parents. This is lazy and entitled parenting at its best. You really aren’t helping him

Edenmum2 · 11/06/2026 19:28

If he had two buckets I would have encouraged him to share. The other mum sounds like a dick though, she should have spoken to you directly and not made sassy comments to your child in front of you.

Superhansrantowindsor · 11/06/2026 19:28

i think YABU that he can keep toy for as long as he wants. When other children are wanting to play , you let him have 5 or 10 mins and then say ‘shall we let this boy have a turn now”
Learning to share, wait your turn, think about the feelings of others- all important lessons.