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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not make my son share?

713 replies

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:14

I took my 3½-year-old to a toddler swim session today where they put loads of toys and floats out. We arrived at the start of the session and he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, then we went to the opposite end of the pool away from everyone else because he prefers independent play.

He played happily with those same toys for around 45 minutes. Another family then arrived and came to our end of the pool. Their older child repeatedly tried to take the watering can from my son, but he said, "No thank you, I'm playing," and held onto it. The child's adult moved him away the first time.

About 10 minutes later it happened again, but this time one of the adults came over and, while I was sitting right next to my son, told him that he had to share because he had two buckets. He again said,
"No thank you, I'm playing," but she took one of the buckets anyway and handed it to her child, saying,
"See, you have one now."

My little boy was upset because he'd been playing with those toys for nearly an hour. I didn't want to argue in front of the children, so I just reassured him and left it.

About 10-15 minutes later, the little boy came back again and tried to take another toy. This time my son shouted "No!" The lady came over, collected her child and said to the other adult, "Shall we get out?" The other lady replied, "Yes, because he's not sharing and she's not making him share."

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected. I also feel that if another parent had an issue, they should speak to me rather than taking something from my child.

I'm genuinely interested to know what others think.
Would you have said something, or would you have left it?

OP posts:
TeaIsLovely · 11/06/2026 20:33

Good luck at Kindergarten….

pteromum · 11/06/2026 20:32

Wow. Brilliant responses. Waiting for the reverse in hope.

otherwise, will follow for, my child was sat at the bottom of a slide for an hour, happy, why should they move posts.

in the event it is real, you have massively messed up an opportunity to teach and observe sharing of things that don’t belong to either of them.

IDasIX · 11/06/2026 20:32

It’s not teaching him to share if he only has to give things over to other children when he’s done with them!

ShetlandishMum · 11/06/2026 20:31

mamajong · 11/06/2026 20:22

This has got to be a wind up surely? In a shared play session you cant seriously believe your kid is ok to grab a load of toys and hog them for the full hour? If they were his own thats one thing but shared toys for everyone?! Yabu and you know it

I have seen staff interveen in situations like this at our local pool.

AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 11/06/2026 20:31

If “finishing his turn” takes an hour then YABVU and not teaching your child a thing about sharing!

anothernewname6789998212 · 11/06/2026 20:30

PrincessOfPreschool · 11/06/2026 17:49

I don't understand how it's sharing if your child only shares when they have 'actively finished playing' with something. It's like saying: "Oh, let me share my chips with you. I don't want them anyway!". You're teaching him that if he doesn't want something then it's OK to 'share' it - rather than being willing to give up something you DO want as it's fair for someone else to have a turn.

Yes good point, it is in fact the opposite of sharing.

You wouldn’t accept an offer to share a Chinese with a friend and then expect to sit there and wait until they’d eaten as much as they possibly could before taking yours. That’s having someone’s leftovers, not sharing.

I fear this type of ‘sharing’ is how the grown adults who pile half of a pizza on their plate intended for 4 people before the others have even had a look in are formed.

Waheymum · 11/06/2026 20:29

We you an only child, OP?

amyds2104 · 11/06/2026 20:29

Wow! Your poor child will learn no manners or concept of sharing if you can’t even show him how to share in this situation 😂

Givemeausernamepls · 11/06/2026 20:27

I wouldn’t expect my child to share his own toys (unless friend invited to come over), I wouldn’t expect him to stop playing with one toy etc so someone else could have it. I wouldn’t let him monopolise a toy / piece of play equipment that did not belong to him.

I wouldn’t want to teach my child to keep lots of shared toys whilst a child has none. I would have asked him to share / take turns and suggested he chose 2 he wanted to keep and offered the other child to choose 2z

Mumandcarer80 · 11/06/2026 20:26

The toys don’t belong to him so of course he should share. How would your ds feel if he had nothing to play with and one child was hogging multiple toys. Surely he can’t play with all the toys at once. That’s greedy and not teaching him anything.

WeCanAskandAsk · 11/06/2026 20:25

Either this is a reverse or you are incredibly entitled.
Allowing your son to behave like this is disgraceful.

Honeyhonay · 11/06/2026 20:25

Totally fine for your child to not share his toys, poor form to allow your child to hog a large number of toys meant for all children not just him.

Waheymum · 11/06/2026 20:25

It's really important that toddlers (I assume by your post that you're talking about toddlers) learn to share. I and my mum friends at least try to get them to share toys at toddler group...

LookInsideMySpottyBag · 11/06/2026 20:23

So because you clearly haven’t been brought up to be able to share, you’re now not teaching your child to share. Great. Another spoilt child in the world who doesn’t know how to behave and thinks they’re the main character and gives no thought for others.

You take one toy, fine, wouldn’t expect you to take it away from your child to give it to another child. Although, ideally your child would have a go with one toy, and then put it back for someone else to have a go, and they can pick another toy to play with- and repeat.
But to selfishly grab handfuls of toys (assisted by his parent!! 🤯) and then move off far away, hog them for over an hour when you know someone else would like to use it when your child has had a turn (which shouldn’t be for over an hour!) and then be a rude about it.
wow, the selfishness is unreal! Bring your own toys if you want to behave in such an ugly way

mamajong · 11/06/2026 20:22

This has got to be a wind up surely? In a shared play session you cant seriously believe your kid is ok to grab a load of toys and hog them for the full hour? If they were his own thats one thing but shared toys for everyone?! Yabu and you know it

CheddarBiscuit · 11/06/2026 20:21

So your son got first dibs, didn't want to play with the other toys (which the other child didn't want to either) and you didn't think it might be nice to take fair turns?

BlueMum16 · 11/06/2026 20:21

I would suggest two hands so two toys is plenty.

It's not about sharing it's about taking turns.

It sounds like you had tried to keep too many to yourselves.

2026newname · 11/06/2026 20:18

You are an embarrassment! How can you not see that’s so selfish?

Swissmeringue · 11/06/2026 20:17

He had far more toys than he could possibly play with at one time. YABU.

Bestisyettocome · 11/06/2026 20:15

These were communal toys for the enjoyment of those using the pool, a more positive way of engaging with this situation would be to model inclusion and sharing with the other child. Being friendly and gracious are really great attributes to teach your child.

Kizmet1 · 11/06/2026 20:14

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

Possibly because your kid had the most toys?
I don't think you were massively unreasonable, but if you could see that the other kid didn't have access to toys and your kid had more than his fair share, you should probably have intervened and negotiated with him to offer one of his two buckets.
We all have different parenting styles and values, and there is worth in not teaching your kid that they have to hand over everything to please others, but there are usually layers to situations and this could have gone better for everyone involved.

Pinkchickenwine · 11/06/2026 20:13

CraftandGlamour · 11/06/2026 20:01

People who are also rearing future unpopular adults?

Thanks for answering that! I was just about to ask the same question! I think you’re right.

Notasbigasithink · 11/06/2026 20:13

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

Because it sounds as though he had way more toys than he should have and other children probably only had one item each??

Littlemisssunshine1982 · 11/06/2026 20:11

Is your son an octopus, how many hands does he have to play with 2 buckets a watering can, a few small toys and a float at the same time? I would have let mine keep hold of the toy he was mainly playing with and let the other child take one, especially a bucket seems as your child had 2, why did he need 2?

midlifeattheoasis · 11/06/2026 20:10

As his mother you shouldn’t have let him take that many toys in the first place. You should have let him choose two and then swap for a couple more toys later on

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