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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not make my son share?

713 replies

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:14

I took my 3½-year-old to a toddler swim session today where they put loads of toys and floats out. We arrived at the start of the session and he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, then we went to the opposite end of the pool away from everyone else because he prefers independent play.

He played happily with those same toys for around 45 minutes. Another family then arrived and came to our end of the pool. Their older child repeatedly tried to take the watering can from my son, but he said, "No thank you, I'm playing," and held onto it. The child's adult moved him away the first time.

About 10 minutes later it happened again, but this time one of the adults came over and, while I was sitting right next to my son, told him that he had to share because he had two buckets. He again said,
"No thank you, I'm playing," but she took one of the buckets anyway and handed it to her child, saying,
"See, you have one now."

My little boy was upset because he'd been playing with those toys for nearly an hour. I didn't want to argue in front of the children, so I just reassured him and left it.

About 10-15 minutes later, the little boy came back again and tried to take another toy. This time my son shouted "No!" The lady came over, collected her child and said to the other adult, "Shall we get out?" The other lady replied, "Yes, because he's not sharing and she's not making him share."

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected. I also feel that if another parent had an issue, they should speak to me rather than taking something from my child.

I'm genuinely interested to know what others think.
Would you have said something, or would you have left it?

OP posts:
thedogmademessagain · 11/06/2026 23:01

Unless you could see there were other buckets and watering cans the other child could take, it's best to limit your child's turn so other kids can have a turn too. "OK son, you've had that watering can for a long time now, how about we let that boy have a turn too?" If you son had it for the whole hour and there weren't any others, then every other child missed out on having a turn. Sharing also means being aware of being fair to the group. If the toys were his and he'd brought them himself, that's different, he can have them as long as he wants and doesn't have to share. These were communal toys though, so fair turns need to be taken.

AddledPeacock · 11/06/2026 22:58

YABVU.

Cant believe you even have to ask this, you hogged a load of toys for best part of an hour, say you teach your kids to share but not until they have had ‘their turn’, which seems to last the length of the swim session. Maybe the other lady was ‘targeting’ your child because he had more toys than his fair share, ie would still have had plenty if he had given up one, and also had them for a reasonable amount of time before being expected to share with others there.

Honestly, do you actually think your little prince should just have free run of all the toys he chooses for as long as he wants? That isn’t sharing, cooperating or anything else remotely civilised in a shared play session.

Calliopespa · 11/06/2026 22:56

He had lots of items for a long time OP.

YABU

OneFineDay22 · 11/06/2026 22:56

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

It sounds like your son had personally accumulated a lot of the toys just for himself, so I imagine that’s why.

I get where you’re coming from if a child is using something then they should be allowed to finish their turn, but if he had two buckets plus other toys then I would have said to my child “you have a bucket, let’s give one to the other child to play with”.

These swimming sessions are usually quite limited in time, so his “turn” could have lasted the entire session and the other child would have had nothing to play with while yours had more than his fair share.

30mins · 11/06/2026 22:54

Your 3.5 year old is very well spoken. No thank you, I’m playing is pretty clever for his age. What’s the point of this… you are only after people to agree with you,

Namechangeforthisdilemma1 · 11/06/2026 22:54

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

Because your child appears to have had more of the shared toys than anyone else? And had played with them for a long time.

If my kid is playing with any kind of shared toys I’m keeping an eye that there are enough to go around and sharing accordingly. Why aren’t you?

dreamiesformolly · 11/06/2026 22:48

Mumtobabyhavoc · 11/06/2026 22:44

Kids don't grasp the concept of sharing until 3.5-4 years old. It's time to start teaching it, but the person in the wrong was the mum taking the toys from OP's child. The message of Take what you want regardless of being told No, is far worse.

Disagree. As far as I'm concerned 'Let's take lots of these toys even though it'll leave the other kids with less to play with' is just as bad.

OneThreadOnlybyN · 11/06/2026 22:48

SooPanda · 11/06/2026 17:20

Your child is only playing with the toys they're holding in 2 hands. The rest is hoarding. 2 buckets and a watering can is more than your fair share especially for over an hour!

Just think that through.

its a load of rubbish.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 11/06/2026 22:46

IDrinkTeaAllTheTime · 11/06/2026 22:45

Or having a tantrum to herself while telling little Timmy how precious and special he is.

Oh, come on. No need to be like that.

IDrinkTeaAllTheTime · 11/06/2026 22:45

Wecandothisasalways · 11/06/2026 22:38

OP hasn’t replied for a few hours,so probably/ hopefully reflecting on the replies!

Or having a tantrum to herself while telling little Timmy how precious and special he is.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 11/06/2026 22:44

Kids don't grasp the concept of sharing until 3.5-4 years old. It's time to start teaching it, but the person in the wrong was the mum taking the toys from OP's child. The message of Take what you want regardless of being told No, is far worse.

Toddlerteaplease · 11/06/2026 22:43

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

Because he’d had them for an hour!

WanderlustMom · 11/06/2026 22:40

You’ve hogged toys for almost an hour, that aren’t even yours to begin with. Yes YABU Confused

Wecandothisasalways · 11/06/2026 22:38

OP hasn’t replied for a few hours,so probably/ hopefully reflecting on the replies!

Lisacm85 · 11/06/2026 22:37

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

You sound very childish and entitled.

sittingonabeach · 11/06/2026 22:35

That was a lot of toys for a long time

Seriously79 · 11/06/2026 22:35

I would of suggested taking turns.

Solobanana · 11/06/2026 22:32

Entitled parents will raise an entitled spoilt child….

IDrinkTeaAllTheTime · 11/06/2026 22:32

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

Ah, the classic “AIBU?” Everyone tells OP they are, and OP comes back with all the reasons why they’re not unreasonable.

So tedious 🙄

Tabarnak · 11/06/2026 22:27

Montessori philosophy is not to make kids share things they are actively engaged with or that belong to them.

Sharing in any case is quite a nebulous concept for small children. ' Taking Turns' is a far more concrete process, and easier to practice - because it has the carrot of 'then you get it back again , after they have had a turn'

I really don't see why kids should relinquish something they are playing with because another kid wants it. But if it is the only toy / play equipment of it's kind and is of communal ownership taking turns is being considerate

CaesarAugusta · 11/06/2026 22:21

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first.

But how long does a turn go on for? Suppose, for instance, you had gone with a friend's child who wanted to have a go with the watering can, and you're only there for an hour. Does the friend's child get zero chance to play with it because your child's "turn" carries on throughout the entire duration of the visit?

12timesD · 11/06/2026 22:20

topcat2014 · 11/06/2026 21:36

I'm mixed on these specifics. But, I never share anything as an adult, although I might share my sweets with my daughter. My wife needs to pick her own.

I assumed the idea of sharing was from a time of poverty where families couldn't afford much.

I assumed the idea of sharing was from a time of poverty where families couldn't afford much.
You are wrong.

Also don't give your dd sweets, bad for her teeth.

Grammarnut · 11/06/2026 22:17

topcat2014 · 11/06/2026 21:36

I'm mixed on these specifics. But, I never share anything as an adult, although I might share my sweets with my daughter. My wife needs to pick her own.

I assumed the idea of sharing was from a time of poverty where families couldn't afford much.

You assume wrongly. Sharing is a basic social skill required by us all. You don't share sweets with your DW? Why not? Did no-one teach you that you are supposed to share? It's friendly and co-operative and plain good manners.

Ohdearnotthisagain · 11/06/2026 22:14

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:31

I don’t know if there were other toys of the sort left by the time the family arrived. I imagine other kids may have had them. Why did my child have to be targeted after the first time he said no? Why no one else’s?

Because you let him take far too many toys and you had them for an hour!

The other parents were passive aggressive and I hate that but honestly you show a complete lack of self awareness.

Daysgo · 11/06/2026 22:13

It sounds like ur child grabbed a load of toys and held onto them all for an hour?! Interesting parenting...