Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not make my son share?

713 replies

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:14

I took my 3½-year-old to a toddler swim session today where they put loads of toys and floats out. We arrived at the start of the session and he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, then we went to the opposite end of the pool away from everyone else because he prefers independent play.

He played happily with those same toys for around 45 minutes. Another family then arrived and came to our end of the pool. Their older child repeatedly tried to take the watering can from my son, but he said, "No thank you, I'm playing," and held onto it. The child's adult moved him away the first time.

About 10 minutes later it happened again, but this time one of the adults came over and, while I was sitting right next to my son, told him that he had to share because he had two buckets. He again said,
"No thank you, I'm playing," but she took one of the buckets anyway and handed it to her child, saying,
"See, you have one now."

My little boy was upset because he'd been playing with those toys for nearly an hour. I didn't want to argue in front of the children, so I just reassured him and left it.

About 10-15 minutes later, the little boy came back again and tried to take another toy. This time my son shouted "No!" The lady came over, collected her child and said to the other adult, "Shall we get out?" The other lady replied, "Yes, because he's not sharing and she's not making him share."

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected. I also feel that if another parent had an issue, they should speak to me rather than taking something from my child.

I'm genuinely interested to know what others think.
Would you have said something, or would you have left it?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Pinkchickenwine · 01/09/2026 21:56

purpleme12 · 01/09/2026 21:53

Not sure why you feel the need to laugh when someone used upper case letters for a word but ok

I find it HIGHLY amusing!

purpleme12 · 01/09/2026 21:53

Not sure why you feel the need to laugh when someone used upper case letters for a word but ok

purpleme12 · 01/09/2026 21:50

Ok

Pinkchickenwine · 01/09/2026 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

purpleme12 · 01/09/2026 21:40

Well to be fair it keeps being resurrected

But anyway you're perpetuating it too I guess if you're posting too

Pinkchickenwine · 01/09/2026 21:37

purpleme12 · 01/09/2026 21:33

My post was 4 minutes after the previous person's post

I was not the one who re brought it up again

It your perpetuating it! And then moaning! Just leave it and it will disappear.

purpleme12 · 01/09/2026 21:33

My post was 4 minutes after the previous person's post

I was not the one who re brought it up again

Pinkchickenwine · 01/09/2026 21:28

purpleme12 · 01/09/2026 20:54

Why are people STILL bringing this thread up

Because it was resurrected by one person, who may have seen it in the similar posts bit?

That brings it back into active and then people post on it again and then more people do because it’s active!

By posting your post, you’re keeping it active.

purpleme12 · 01/09/2026 20:54

Why are people STILL bringing this thread up

pestowithwalnuts · 01/09/2026 20:50

Why don't you teach him to share Do you want him to grow an entitled selfish kid ,?

Greenmouldycheese · 01/09/2026 20:46

You should be teaching your kid how to share. It sounds like he had alot of toys around him while this other child had very few. How if your child going to manage in nursery when hes hogging the toys from other children? Please do better.

Maray1967 · 31/08/2026 07:40

concertinacornflake · 11/06/2026 17:21

Both sides at fault here.

He should be expected to share toys that are not his own, by taking reasonable length turns.
An adult should not have removed the toy from him but should have discussed properly with you the parent (as your parenting was the issue).

Basically two wrongs don't make right - you were wrong, then she was wrong.

Edited

Yes. Your DC was hogging too many toys for too long. If there aren’t more to go round then it isn’t fair that your child had three items that he can fill and pour from.

violetcuriosity · 11/07/2026 17:08

Come on OP, they weren’t his toys, they were everyone’s ffs. He didn’t need that many toys and the child was playing nearby so would naturally notice the toys close to him. The other child was likely trying to initiate interaction too which you could have encouraged.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/07/2026 10:01

Did your comment apply to toys that are supposed to be a shared resource, @NavyTurtle? My reading of it suggests it is referring to toys that belong to the child, not ones provided by the venue for all the children to share, as was the case in this instance. The OP let her child take and monopolise more toys than he could play with, and she refused to get him to return some of them, so other children could play.

NavyTurtle · 10/07/2026 18:39

LookInsideMySpottyBag · 01/07/2026 17:47

@NavyTurtle you really thought that was a valid contribution? 😂

Probably as valid as this comment from you.

UserNineNine · 02/07/2026 21:49

🙄 We’ve all got the internet.

OneThreadOnlybyN · 02/07/2026 16:44

WhatNoRaisins · 01/07/2026 17:49

Is this a new thing? Resurrecting threads where the OP has disappeared long ago to post AI slop?

Yes, unfortunately!

Maggiethecat · 01/07/2026 18:09

WhatNoRaisins · 01/07/2026 17:49

Is this a new thing? Resurrecting threads where the OP has disappeared long ago to post AI slop?

😂😂😂

WhatNoRaisins · 01/07/2026 17:49

Is this a new thing? Resurrecting threads where the OP has disappeared long ago to post AI slop?

LookInsideMySpottyBag · 01/07/2026 17:47

@NavyTurtle you really thought that was a valid contribution? 😂

Mariah Carey Eye Roll GIF
StarlingTheConqueror · 01/07/2026 17:30

NavyTurtle · 01/07/2026 15:28

I hate it when children are told to share with another child who just announces that they want what that child has. It seems to me if children want something from another child, they play the 'share' card. Basically it is teaching that child if it wants it, it can have it. No no and no. Bugger off and find your own toys. I GPT'd it and I completely agree with what it said.

Here are some reasons why forcing or overemphasizing sharing can be harmful:

  1. It can undermine personal boundaries. Children should learn that they have ownership over their belongings and can choose when and with whom to share. This helps them develop healthy boundaries later in life.
  2. It may create resentment. If a child is required to hand over a favorite toy whenever another child wants it, they may become frustrated or less willing to be generous voluntarily.
  3. It doesn't teach genuine generosity. True generosity comes from choosing to share, not being compelled to do so. Forced sharing teaches compliance rather than kindness.
  4. It can encourage entitlement. If children learn they can have someone else's toy simply because they ask, they may develop unrealistic expectations that others must always accommodate them.
  5. Young children are still developing self-control. Toddlers and preschoolers naturally have a strong sense of possession ("mine"). Learning to take turns and cooperate develops gradually as their brains mature.
  6. It may ignore emotional attachment. Some objects have special meaning. Adults aren't expected to lend cherished possessions to strangers, so it's reasonable for children to have a few items they don't want to share.

Yay I agree. When it’s THEIR stuff/toys. All the stuff you mentioned are right.

Not when it’s communal toys put out fur EVERYONE.
One wonders how that child copes at nursery/school tbh….

HedgehogSam · 01/07/2026 17:28

Why, oh why do people post lengthy responses from ChatGPT as though they provide supportive evidence of anything? Hint: they do not.

Of course the child in the OP should have shared the communal toys, as everyone with the slightest awareness of life in the real world knows. (I know the OP has long gone and I have doubts as to their motives in starting this thread in any event.)

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/07/2026 17:27

Exactly, @Maggiethecat - @NavyTurtle has clearly missed the fact that the OP allowed her son to take more toys than he could play with at one time from the toys provided by the pool for ALL the children there, kept them for a considerable length of time, and then refused to share.

OP’s child only has two hands but had several toys, and had taken them away to the other end of the pool to keep them to himself for a long time. I do not blame him for this - I blame the adult that didn’t say to him, “No, you can have one or two toys, not that many!”

Maggiethecat · 01/07/2026 17:19

Rubbish in, rubbish out.

Did you just forget to provide ChatGPT with important details such as, this was a public space with ‘shared’ toys and that the child had quite a few for over an hour?

In any case, when did AI replace common sense 🙄

NavyTurtle · 01/07/2026 15:28

drearyllama · 11/06/2026 17:14

I took my 3½-year-old to a toddler swim session today where they put loads of toys and floats out. We arrived at the start of the session and he chose 2 buckets, a watering can, a few small toys and a float, then we went to the opposite end of the pool away from everyone else because he prefers independent play.

He played happily with those same toys for around 45 minutes. Another family then arrived and came to our end of the pool. Their older child repeatedly tried to take the watering can from my son, but he said, "No thank you, I'm playing," and held onto it. The child's adult moved him away the first time.

About 10 minutes later it happened again, but this time one of the adults came over and, while I was sitting right next to my son, told him that he had to share because he had two buckets. He again said,
"No thank you, I'm playing," but she took one of the buckets anyway and handed it to her child, saying,
"See, you have one now."

My little boy was upset because he'd been playing with those toys for nearly an hour. I didn't want to argue in front of the children, so I just reassured him and left it.

About 10-15 minutes later, the little boy came back again and tried to take another toy. This time my son shouted "No!" The lady came over, collected her child and said to the other adult, "Shall we get out?" The other lady replied, "Yes, because he's not sharing and she's not making him share."

We absolutely teach our children to share, but our rule is that if they're still actively playing with something, they can finish their turn first. Once they're done, sharing is expected. I also feel that if another parent had an issue, they should speak to me rather than taking something from my child.

I'm genuinely interested to know what others think.
Would you have said something, or would you have left it?

I hate it when children are told to share with another child who just announces that they want what that child has. It seems to me if children want something from another child, they play the 'share' card. Basically it is teaching that child if it wants it, it can have it. No no and no. Bugger off and find your own toys. I GPT'd it and I completely agree with what it said.

Here are some reasons why forcing or overemphasizing sharing can be harmful:

  1. It can undermine personal boundaries. Children should learn that they have ownership over their belongings and can choose when and with whom to share. This helps them develop healthy boundaries later in life.
  2. It may create resentment. If a child is required to hand over a favorite toy whenever another child wants it, they may become frustrated or less willing to be generous voluntarily.
  3. It doesn't teach genuine generosity. True generosity comes from choosing to share, not being compelled to do so. Forced sharing teaches compliance rather than kindness.
  4. It can encourage entitlement. If children learn they can have someone else's toy simply because they ask, they may develop unrealistic expectations that others must always accommodate them.
  5. Young children are still developing self-control. Toddlers and preschoolers naturally have a strong sense of possession ("mine"). Learning to take turns and cooperate develops gradually as their brains mature.
  6. It may ignore emotional attachment. Some objects have special meaning. Adults aren't expected to lend cherished possessions to strangers, so it's reasonable for children to have a few items they don't want to share.