To think my friend is being ridiculous?

Lots of comments like this, saying that lots of men wouldn’t worry and would just go. Not worry about their OH having to cope alone with family etc while they are away.

That is true. However, it is also true that many women on here have said their OH would not go and would not care too much about offending the ‘friend’. Choose high maintenance activities, be prepared to be offended by your friends.

One of the BIG weaknesses of women relative to men is giving a too much of a fuck about the opinions of others, especially pushy/immature/high maintenance people they perceive as a friend. FFS how many threads do we read here about one mum tying herself in knots because another mum at her kid’s school wants to take advantage and use her for free childcare/transport and she finds it difficult to say no. Do ANY of you know a bloke this had happened to?

Learn it ladies: Just Say No! And if they don’t like it, f**k em! Don’t worry so much about random others and focus on your family and real friends!

Send her a text. If she doesn't respond don't go to the wedding.

I'm going to go against the grain. If she's been a generous and caring friend in the past, would it kill you to take part in her hen weekend even if it's not to your taste?

Did she pay out and attend your hen? You do sound like you are very sneery about her choice, if she picked up on it maybe she’s just hurt.

Absolutely not being unreasonable to not spend your hard earned money and precious free time doing something you won't enjoy.

I personally wouldn't fully write off the friendship yet. It could be a bit of hurt and stress making her lash out at you for not going, that she is just really disappointed some of her friends weren't going, stressing about the wedding as many brides to be do, and taking it out on you completely inappropriately.

I would reach out when she gets back for one last chance, saying something like you hope she had an amazing time. You would still love to go to the wedding, and if she wants to a UK based night out/spa day/activity she would love for anyone else that couldn't make Magaluf you'd be happy to organise. But as you haven't spoken recently wanted to check with her first. And then gauge your long term position on her response.

Probably more effort than she is due, given the childish reaction to you previously, but as it is a very emotional time might be worth giving it one last try. However, if your gut feels this is wrong, you read the above and don't feel like the friendship is worth it, don't make any extra effort. Send your apologies for the wedding, and move on.

Good luck!

Ask the other friends who aren't going to the hen what they're doing.

If you have already rsvpd, I’d send a blunt message saying you won’t be attending the wedding , then unfriend her off everything.

Cheeky bitch. I’m a single mother so no way am I going abroad for a hen do. Even if I had a partner I wouldn’t go.

Just wait for the social media photos and tag her with a comment like "Beautiful! 😍 looking forward to seeing you on the Big Day".

Then its clear you still intend to go and the onus is on her to cancel your invite.

The polite thing for her friend to have done is not act like a 2 year old

In view of your update about what a good friend she has been to you overall, I think you should drop her a short message to say you're thinking of her and look forward to the wedding, maybe see if she wants to get together for a coffee. Staying away from the wedding after you've already RSVPed would be bad form. She hasn't actually uninvited you.

Then either decide you are able to ignore her bad behaviour altogether and forgive her for her occasional outbursts, or tell her at some point how you felt when she had her strop, and see whether she's able to take it on board.

If you get through this one and continue the friendship.. imagine the drama and entitlement around baby showers etc. It’ll only get worse!

Obviously I’m making the very general, sweeping assumption that marriage is then followed by baby, which isn’t always the case, but the point still stands… if she’s this entitled about her hen, do you really want to navigate that for the rest of your life?

I think it’s ok for her to be upset that people aren’t coming (and as a PP said might incorrectly see it as people not caring). It’s also obviously fine for you not to want to go too - I wouldn’t either to that sort of thing and wish people would just do a simple meal or drinks especially if they want everyone to attend:

I think you should message her after the hen and say you hope she had a good time and then ask directly whether she wants you to come to the wedding as she seems upset that you were ant able to attend. You’d still love to come if she wants you there but understand if not but can she let you know. She’ll either tell you or if she doesn’t respond then you don’t go, I wouldn’t be sending vague testing the water messages.

I’d send her a message suggesting a pre wedding day out for you both. Maybe treat her to a spa day/ meal out.
Yes her behaviour wasn’t wonderful but if she’s previously been a supportive friend I’d give her a pass for this.

How old is she out of interest?

Just to put a different perspective - I don’t think you’re unreasonable not to go and she is being ridiculous, but maybe she was really upset and (incorrectly) thought it meant people didn’t care about her. People can act very irrationally when they’re hurt.

Has she put herself out a lot for other people’s hen dos and birthdays etc?

If she’s been a good friend in the past, I’d give her a message or phone call and try to smooth things over. If she persists in being silly then at least you’ve tried.

“I know you must be crazy busy in the run up to the big day, but it would be great if we could meet up for lunch or a drink beforehand. When would suit you?”

Or words to this effect. Her response will tell you what you need to know.

Definitely this. Men don’t think twice and just go!!

regardless of her other qualities I wouldn't expect a good friend to treat me or others like that

I think sometimes people just genuinely can’t see that different people think about things differently and think it’s a reflection of you not caring about them.

I had a lovely friend get married a few years ago. She had a few days in a posh holiday cottage about an hour from home with activities in the property.

I know she really thought it would be a lovely treat for everybody but I’d never choose to holiday near home, hated sharing rooms, got a bit of cabin fever and hated spending so long with people when I didn’t know half of them more than to say hello to. So to me it was a very expensive waste of hundred of pounds. I’m glad I went as I cared about the bride but I did resent it a little as I’d rather have spent the money doing something with my family.

I think people think they love a certain idea so everyone else will to.

Sounds like she’s thrown a tantrum and now doesn’t know how to back down. If I wanted to maintain the friendship then I would extend the Olive branch and give her a way out of her silliness but if I was questioning the drama and potential hassle in the future I would write and let her know I wasn’t attending the wedding under the circumstances, wish her well and move on.

100 per cent. My dh can never understand why I get so upset at perceived digs or snubs. He always says “tell her to fuck off” (that’s what he would do in a heartbeat)

If it was me, I’d drop her a line before the hen do hoping she has a great time, and reflecting your regret you can’t attend. See what if anything comes back. You’ve been invited to the wedding itself and said yes, so you are going unless you tell her otherwise, (or she tells you otherwise). I’d make a decision depending on if she responded to my hen do good wishes. Maybe the friendship is over, maybe she’ll get over herself, hard to say at this stage. Sad how bridezilla some people get!

Exactly, it's the same with Stags it's become fashionable to have a Hen/Stag weekend.

One night is good, it's traditionally supposed to be one night - everyone is more likely to be able to make it if it's just one night too.

Depends on how good a friend you consider her to be really? If the wedding is in August, I would proceed as if you are going i.e. keep the date free etc but leave it a few weeks yet. If nearer the time you still haven't heard anything, I would reach out with a opening and say something like "I'm sensing a bit of tension over the hen do and with the wedding coming up, I'm wondering if you want to talk about it, I'm happy to do so" and let her respond. Given the situation, I probably wouldn't turn up at the wedding without some sort of check in with her (for my own sake as well as hers) and if she no longer wants you there, you save yourself the effort/time etc and maybe this friendship is past its sell by date?

On a wider note, when did people become so demanding on their friends? It is not healthy.

Just text her , ignore the whole hen thing and ask if she fancies meeting up for coffee , at least that way you will get an idea of how the land lies .