To think my friend is being ridiculous?

I agree and for those saying if she was a close friend you'd go and inconvenience yourself, well that equally applies the other way around too- if you care about your friends you wouldnt want them to be massively out of pocket or to be hugely inconvenienced for an event you can easily hold in the UK.

It's not like you cant have fun anywhere apart from Magaluf FGS. I cant imagine holding a party abroad knowing that some of my friends cant make it- I'd far rather hold it at home and have the people I care about actually there.

I care more about my friends than I care about being in Spain for a weekend.

There’s nothing unreasonable about not wanting to go but you need to act normal, bright and breezy as pp suggested, rather than stewing on it / feeling an atmosphere when you haven’t had any communication with your friend.

You were invited to her wedding, you’ve accepted. You should assume you’re going as normal unless you hear otherwise.

Just send her a message saying you are looking forward to hearing about the hen, or do you fancy trying the new place for lunch or something normal for the 2 of you, and see what happens

There's a big difference between a restaurant that's not your first choice and a hen party abroad though. It's a combination of cost, annual leave childcare needs and so on - it IS a lot to ask, contrary to the bride's snarky comment, and it isn't fair to turn on friends who can't manage it. It's incredibly entitled and we shouldn't condone it.

Or send her a picture of a dress and say oh I was thinking about this for your wedding and see what she says?

It’s the way you think about it for me. The starting point isn’t I want to be there for my friends as much a possible, and then get to but I can’t do that eg this foreign trip.

The starting point is I want to be with my kids and I’ll only “inconvenience” myself for friends to a point.

I’ve never thought of my friendships like that, I’ve never thought of making an effort for them as a scale of inconvenience for myself.

I think it is safe to assume you are not invited to the wedding since she has cut you dead.

To be certain you could message her:

Hey how are you - sorry about the hen do situation- I hope you have a great time. I wanted to check that the wedding invite was still valid or not? Thanks Xx

Just call her and ask how the wedding plans are going. You'll get your answer.

I think you’ve waited a bit long to reach out. Not that you should be sorry, but I guess wedding culture these days is weird like that..

You could simply whatsapp her to ask how the wedding planning is coming along, and how you know it’s dissapointing you couldn’t come on the weekend away, but you’d like to take her out for a special dinner or something fun together instead?

Don’t have justify yourself, but make her feel a bit special might come a long way to not lose your friendship. You seem to still value the friendship.

You made it very clear from the outset that you wouldn’t be going on the hen and gave your reasons why, as did 2/3 others. Clearly the bride to be instantly morphed into bridezilla, preferred to ignore what she’d been told and is now sulking because she can’t get all her own way. Yes, it’s her wedding but she needs to suck it up that life doesn’t revolve around her. As for going to the wedding, personally I’d not bother.

If you’ve RSVPd to the wedding already then you should go. Not turning up will definitely kill the friendship.

But it would be much more comfortable to have spoken to her before the wedding. I’d send her a message, asking how she is, how the wedding prep is going, let’s catch up etc. etc.

Is that the bar now? If it doesn't kill you you should go to something that financially you can't afford?

Far be it for the OP to make her own decisions with what she does with her own money 🙄

A wedding abroad or a hen abroad is always going to be smaller and have less numbers. Having kids too it's a bit deal to go abroad without them depending on your situation. It's also expensive and a fair bit of effort to organise, take time off etc etc.
Anyway I don't think you're being unreasonable.

Sounds like she's going to burn a lot of bridges by the time she gets married and might be some years before the red mist fully dissipates and she admits to herself she's been a twat. Hopefully she'll reach out.

I would be wondering about even going to the wedding at this point though. If she's going to be snotty with you there is there any point in even going then, as you wouldn't enjoy it and why give her another opportunity to be nasty.
For that reason I'd probably reach out before the wedding to test the waters with her and if she's off with you, maybe discuss whether she still wants you at the wedding.

Goodness some women go bonkers when it's their wedding.

You're supposed to pretend that she is the most fun and amazing person in the world, and that you love spending time and money inconveniencing and compromising yourself on exactly the things she wanted to do, because you love her so much.

When you didn't, she thought it was because you didn't love her, rather than her having the emotional intelligence to realise that she isn't the centre of the universe and it doesn't really matter.

She has made an active choice to take offence.

A long weekend to Magaluf isn't everyone's cup of tea is it, never mind if you're 35. If you want people to come you make it something they're likely to want to come to! I agree your friend is being ridiculous. I might be tempted to text her on the weekend saying 'hope you all have a great time, see you at the wedding' and see what comes back. Or say 'Am I still invited to your wedding or are you still annoyed about the hen do?' but obviously that's the blunt option!

What are the others who declined to go to the hen do saying? Surely something is being said in the group chat about attending the wedding and friend’s behaviour in general?

I think this illustrates that someone can be a good friend in that they are kind, funny, take an interest in you and support you, and you may share similar interests and enjoy conversations together - but suddenly something happens that makes you realise you have very different values and expectations of yourself and those around you. And you have to decide what you'll do with the friendship from then on. Can you accept it's surface level and enjoy it for what it is, or do you need to be on the same page with your values?

Just message after the hen do asking if she had a good time and if she planned to do anything in the uk and see what kind of response you get

She's clearly feeling rejected by her friends. I would reach out and offer to take her for a nice local hen do, brunch or a meal out.

It’s a shame she’s acting like that. You did tell her you weren’t up for it.
it sounds awful. I would do exactly what you’ve done.
I would send a text saying

Hi X
I’m sorry you were sad that I wasn’t able to come to magaluf with you. I do hope you have a lovely time. And I hope we can do something nice when you get back.
And I’d love to hear all about it.
take care x

I think she was OTT to say it’s not that much to ask when it clearly is.

But on balance i think I find OP’s id rather be with my kids, and I’ll put myself out but only to a point attitude somewhat unreasonable.

I’ve done things I didn’t enjoy for friends, and no doubt vice versa.

I also love spending time with my kids but my kids will grow up and I don’t want to be left friendless because I CBA.

Can you not just….keep in touch as normal?! If she’s not been on the Hen WhatsApp group, then surely you’ve been in touch with her on other occasions, either text/phone/meeting up?

I’d just carry on as normal; too childish to not get in touch because everyone is sulking. Just do what you usually do. If you usually meet for coffee/pub on a friday/cinema trip/underwater basket weaving club, then just keep doing that?

And if you’ve not had any contact with her at all since leaving the group WhatsApp then that says it all really.

Has anyone else in the group had a hen do abroad, or is she the first?
I’ve been to many things I haven’t been keen on over the years, because it’s normally just what mates are for. We normally have a laugh and I dare say I’ve subjected others to an event or restaurant they’d not have chosen themselves…..What awful, demanding, selfish, entitled people we all must be.

It sounds like she would very much enjoy a begging message from you, cap in hand. It's manipulative.

I think her behavior is horrendous, entitled, and alongwith her history of being a bitch, would use this as an out.

Reissue the RSVP as a decline and wish her well.