To think my friend is being ridiculous?

Amazed you haven’t already changed the RSVP and booked yourself a nice weekend away instead! Stuff waiting around for her. What a brat.

This type of hen do is horrific, and always seem to match with the most entitled, bridezilla brides.
I wouldn’t give her or her wedding a second thought, she sounds like a shit friend.

Not sure how old the bride to be is, but Magaluf is for kids, like 18 year old first holiday alone. Even if it was another destination, you’re not being unreasonable. Asking people to go abroad or even a weekend away nearer home is a big ask.

Maybe text her 1 last time and say ....
"Hi Bridezilla friend [insert name here]. I am reaching out one last time & will leave the ball in your court. I will preface this by saying I love you very much, wish you well, hope the wedding goes well and I appreciate the fact that wedding planning can be stressful...However, ....you asked me to spend a huge chunk of money & time which are 2 luxuries that I don't have much of as a working parent and then were aggressive when I said no, even though I told you from the get go I couldn't do it. Plus I don't like flying and wouldn't spend the equivalent of a whole week's worth of holiday money on one weekend. I can appreciate you felt disappointed however, i did too. Would you rather I lied to you and let you down at the last minute or went and made the trip sh** cos I was a misery guts ? What i need to know from you please, is am i still invited to your wedding and will I be welcome ? Please let me know. I am being honest here as your reaction shocked me a bit though I appreciate most relationships in life have disagreements, hiccups etc but I am at least being upfront here that your reaction upset me when I was honest with you from the start yet you seemed to ignore me saying it and turn it into a personal vendetta against you when I didn't mean it that way. The numbers, leave and childcare simply wasn't possible yet you knew this from the start".
I am not gonna reply to any back and forth op I just wanted to help x good luck .

I think the only thing you can do is a couple of days before the hen do you send her a private message saying you hope she has a lovely time at her do. I would then offer again to meet up once she’s home for a local meal if she’s local to you. If she’s not local then offer to come to her if she’s having another ‘at home’ do as quite often people have two. If you hear nothing back after that I’d assume you’re no longer friends and invited and then you really weren’t that close after all?

Why on earth are you friends with this twat? She’s a selfish idiot. Don’t go to the wedding; you’ve had a lucky escape.

Regarding your friend...the fact that said she didn't think it was a lot to ask is telling. Objectively, it's a huge ask.
Think social media has a part to play in people's expectations.

Once the hen is over just message to ask if she had a nice time, if she ignores you then obviously she doesn’t want you to attend

Yes she is being ridiculous and very entitled. Some people can be very precious about these (imo frivolous and ugly) events.

I decline stag night invites out of hand, I have absolutely no interest. I don't care who it is, or what the plan is.

I have only been invited to 3 - lots of my friends are unmarried, others didn't have stag nights - but there was absolutely no issue at all to decline, neither should there have been. If anyone moaned Id have told them to eff off.

I mean, who the f*ck wants to go to lap dancing at the best of times, let alone with a bunch of strangers. Ugh and ugh again. Imagine the stilted efforts at small talk, Id rather have teeth out.

I thought all guys were like this, until a former colleague was railing against a friend who didn't make it to his stag night and was claiming they were now "finished". What a diva, I liked the guy but certainly lost some respect for him over that fussing. Totally unreasonable.

I do love going away for a weekend with friends, but its too much to expect on top of the cost and effort of a wedding.

I love the freedom and time with friends such a weekend offers, but a stag event ruins it with ugly cultural expectations, regimented heavy drinking*, a rigid timetable of events and shit activities I would never dream of doing normally (strippers, throwing axes at midgets etc and the rest of the tripe).

*dont get me wrong, I do enjoy a good drink, but I also enjoy being able to pass on it, if I dont feel like it.

I wouldn't enjoy a boozy hen weekend in Magaluf either. None of it appeals to me. Days in a group, drinking in the sun. I'd get bored and restless and I'd crave space. Too much social pressure for me...exhausting and not fun.
I wouldn't go.

I'm not excusing the bride but it may be she's stressed and had just assumed everyone would go.

I would reach out and check in with her to see how wedding plans are going and if you could meet up for a catch up. You can then judge next moves based upon what she says.

If you ask whether you're still invited, I woild suggest you'll lose her aa a friend.

Going abroad for a boozy weekend is definitely not cheaper than going for a meal out in the UK.
A hen do doesn't have to be a whole weekend, especially if some of the hens can't afford to stay away for a night or two, or have child care issues.

Flouncing out of a group is never a good look on a 30-something woman, she comes across as selfish and entitled.

Drama of the weekend away aside...have you tried to contact her since?

I would not be going to the wedding.
like others have said, friends do not treat genuine friends like this. She is not your friend. You are only her friend on her terms. I had one like this once. Everything one sided and all sunshine and roses on her terms.

I was 26 when I got married and we went to Barcelona for my hen with a specific friend group then I did a meal and drinks in my hometown for a wider group who wouldn’t have wanted to go abroad.

we are now 40 and the Barcelona group have brides who are sad that people can’t afford their hen abroad but a lot has changed in 14 years!! Personally I can go as my DC are late primary but I completely understand why those with tiny babies or are scraping together a house deposit can’t go. It’s not that they don’t care they just can’t magic up the money out of nowhere!

I would reach out to her and try to talk. It would be a shame for the friendship to end over this if she’s otherwise been kind and reasonable.

Too many couples now make it about that one day, throw money at it, and then it doesn’t last.

It should be about the actual marriage. Not hen nights, stag nights etc.

Just a simple celebration of two people who love each other enough to want to spend the rest of their lives together.

the friendship is over, i guarantee you she sees this as a slight. I’ve had loads of chill friends who got married recently and even the most chill people take wedding slights seriously.

It's a bit much to think that the bride's friends need to spend what will probably amount to a thousand pounds all in to "celebrate her". If they like boozy weekends abroad fine. If they don't fine.

No way.

OP let her worry, is she worrying at this moment

You’re allowed to say no. It’s people like your “friend” who make us feel like we can’t. Why should you spend your money, your annual leave allowance and time away from your family for a trashy boozy weekend if it’s not your thing? When did people become so entitled?

If you’ve not spoken to her in 6 months and aren’t attending the hen, why bother with the wedding? Just politely inform her that you’re no longer able to attend so she doesn’t pay for your meal unnecessarily but then just get on with your life. It’s too short to worry about these things. Learn to say no and do what makes you happy.

Hi OP,
I think you are getting a rough ride on here. I don't agree that you have to go on a weekend abroad with your friend when you don't want to and couldn't afford to with your partner, for example.
It's very usual for people who have a hen do abroad to also have a meal locally or something like that.

I definitely would not rock up at the wedding without checking I was still invited. To go and you no longer have a seat/meal or to be given the cold shoulder would be mortifying.

I would send your friend a message saying something like:
"As there was friction over the hen do and we have not spoken since I assume that I am no longer invited to the wedding".

If she doesn't respond then don't go.

If she says something that indicates that you are still invited I would say something like "I won't feel comfortable coming while things are strange between us - can we meet up for a coffee?" If it's fine great. If she sulks I would just tell her it's best you don't go as you are not going to be punished for not going on a hen do abroad when you can't afford it and it's not for you.

Your friend is not behaving like your friend she is being a brat and passive aggressive. You must stick to your plans. If you have accepted a wedding invite I’d write and ask if you’re still going to be welcomed to celebrate her happy day. Do not let her bully you. If she does not reply then send her a message saying that her silence is her answer, wish her a happy day then cut her off. You are people pleasing a drama queen. Friendship is a two way caring and honest relationship. She should understand that her expensive trip abroad will not be for everyone. She does not sound like good friend material. Good luck. Enjoy friendships with people who care and communicate honestly.

Because it's not "fun". A weekend in Magaluf with a bunch of lairy drunken semi-strangers? More than likely one or more will end up falling off their poledancer shoes and have to go to hospital, have a screaming argument with the bride, and/or throw up in the shared hotel room. I'd rather stick pins in my eyes.

I’d reach out (and would have reached out at the point of her flouncing). Call her:

hey bride, just calling to see how wedding plans are going and to take you out for a nice meal as you know I can’t make Magaluf holiday… etc etc

I would avoid a text, just need to bite the bullet and reach out. She’ll be stressed and in wedding mode, be a good friend and see how she is and the call will flow naturally then. Taking her out to a spa or meal will be a nice touch to treat her as a non-hen do thing to do