To think my friend is being ridiculous?

I feel sorry for her groom. And even sorrier for any kids they have/might have.
Ridiculous to expect you to leave your kids all weekend and spend a fortune. Most parents would prefer to spend that on a weekend or two with the family. Ok some might not, but stropping at the majority who do is not on.

Up to you what you do, but personally I'd not bother attending the wedding, or buying a gift (the groom might well cancel it, unless he's as bad as her). You could just say you're busy with actual two year olds, and don't want to spend time with a grown woman who acts like a toddler.

Have the others who said they weren't going to the hen do heard anything from her?

When God made Eve, He'd already made Adam and the animals so she only ever existed with companionship and community. Even as children and young teens girls tend to group together unlike boys.

I wouldn’t be going on that hen do either. Costly and honestly sounds a nightmare. If you lose her as a friend then she is the unreasonable one. Re the wedding I would just message her. “Hi Bride, I’m sorry you are upset that I can’t go to your hen. I understand this means a lot to you but I’m just too stretched financially. I would still love to see you get married but I understand if you feel you’d rather I wasn’t there.” Be prepared for her to say no of course. Alternatively are you friends with her mum or someone close so you could ask them? (Personally I wouldn’t be bothering with it!)

Op why would you want to go now anyway she has been rude and disrespectful to your situation she’s a bridezilla. I definitely wouldn’t be asking her if you don’t hear anything from her let her go. She’s a spoiled brat who can’t handle the word no. Why do brides think other women want to spend a fortune on someone else’s hen night. Yes if you enjoy that type of thing but a lot of women don’t. It’s expensive and the entitlement is off the scales.

Can you ask on the group chat if anyone knows if having a UK meal or drinks has been discussed?
I think its fairly common for people who have a large hen do abroad, to also have something local including friends and family who can't make it abroad.

Expensive weddings, hens and stags. It’s ok for the bridal duo but everyone else it’s generally a ball ache. Fair enough if you have lots of money and time, but generally these ideas fizzle out once everyone starts to hit about 25. I cannot fathom why people think others are as excited about them of their own wedding and want to spend oodles of cash going here there and everywhere. Again fair play if youre loaded or you want to, but should never be made to feel obliged in any way.

Is she the last in the group to get married and has she been to a lot of other people's hen? Just trying to figure out her strange reaction 🤔 YANBU btw, I wouldn't want to go to Magaluf either 😅

This is literally the answer to the question you asked in your OP. You have answered it yourself…

and for what it’s worth, the person saying to send a quick message before the hen saying “have a good weekend, would love to hear about it after” is a great idea. Just take the high road

Still bad behaviour from her but she's getting married - maybe cut her some slack?

Slack? She's getting married, she isnt terminally ill!

Getting married doesnt forcibly turn you into an arsehole unless you have tendencies to be an arsehole to begin with. Why does she need slack?- it was her choice to get married and her choice to have a ridiculously expensive hen do knowing that some people wouldnt be able to attend if it was abroad.

She's picked the tackiest most inappropriate place to have it - as PP have said, Magaluf is for pissed up 18 year olds on their first holiday, not for women in their mid thirties who have children. This whole thing is just a huge embarrassing shit show and I think she is insane to think anyone in their mid 30s would actually enjoy this kind of juvenile nonsense. To use a very MN phrase- its grim.

This just shows the problem with dealing with this kind of thing by message.

If you'd been face to face, you could have explained what you can't go or don't feel able to for all the reasons you've said here.

She'd probably have said that she feels hurt because (I don't know but hazarding a guess) that she really wanted to do this, wanted to celebrate with her close friends, wanted you there, is a bit envious as these sort of events seem to come easily to other women and other women in the group have gone to Jane or Jill hen dos abroad and now don't want to make the effort for her and she feels really unpopular and let down.

You'd have comforted her, told her not to see it like that, cost of living, bad timing, she's got it all wrong and you still love her.

She still wouldn't have been happy but she'd probably not have huffed off and you'd have parted in a civilised way with a functioning relationship.

Texting like emails can be blunt and is easy to get offended by words that aren't meant in that way.

She's behaved flouncily but if she's your friend and you value the relationship, I'd try to see her or speak to her in person to deal with it. She probably saw the responses (not just from you) as a blunt 'you don't matter to me' and had dropped from huge excitement to a real low pit of hurt. Still bad behaviour from her but she's getting married - maybe cut her some slack this one time if you feel you want to?

Shocked that so many people think you should financially stretch yourself and put yourself in a situation you know you won’t enjoy just to keep a friend happy. I would never expect my friends to do that for me, and the fact that four people have declined to go should have made her pause and take stock of what is actually important to her.

MN is batshit. On any other thread about hen do’s abroad most comments are around how ridiculous they are and how entitled it is to expect people to spend hundreds of pounds to attend.

Is the Magaluf hen still going ahead or did she arrange something different for July? Either way, if you haven’t heard from her by then I’d be ringing her to see whether she still wants you to attend the wedding or not.

Some posters think that it's wrong to decline an invitation just because you don't fancy what's being offered. I disagree with this. As I've got older I've become more assertive and honest. It's quite easy to decline politely and truthfully.

'Thanks so much for inviting me. I think I'm going to pass this time, it's really not my sort of thing'.
'Thanks so much for inviting me. I'm really not keen on musicals, so I'll pass on this one'.
Simple.

I know I am in the minority but I think Hen do's (and weddings for that matter) have gone off the rails.

Awkward. I don’t blame you for not going, sounds like hell to me too. It’s not just that but there’s a certain entitlement in getting married or having a hen/stag abroad. Not everyone can afford it, some people don’t like flying, some don’t even have a passport. You can’t be sad if people can’t attend imo.

I wouldn't want to go to this either, but I can understand that your friend might feel hurt, particularly if she has made the effort to go to other hen dos in the group and now feels it isn't reciprocated.

Have you considered offering actually to organise a separate hen night in the UK for those who can't travel overseas? That would be going the extra mile for her and you really would have done everything you reasonably could.

It just seems a shame to lose 'a kind and generous friend'.

It's unreasonavle of your friend to get sulky. Going abroad isnt cheap and it isnt everyone's cup of tea. Why dont you ask her straight out what the sitiation is. She can either say she wants to see you at the wedding or she can act up and make a drama out of it , in which case just drop her.

Some women go bat shit when planning a wedding - sane to unhinged very quickly.

Some people will never understand the impact of DC on your time, money and priorities until they have them themselves.

You were invited to a hen do that was expensive, encroached on your time with your family and activities you didn't want to do in a place you didn't want to visit. You clearly stated you weren't going to go very early on.
You have nothing to feel guilty about.

I'm struggling to understand why you would want to be friends with someone who flounces off when they don't get their own way. She sounds like a bully to me.

Just match energy for energy. She's been incredibly rude ignoring you after you reasonably turned down her hen do with valid reasons.

I wouldn't chase her to keep up a friendship. However, if she did get in touch and has no form previous to this incident, I would try to be generous and put it down to wedding madness.

I would be civil and let her know how her actions made me feel and suggest trying to resolve things in a calm and reasonable way. If the reaction to that is similar to the previous one, I'd then leave it.

She obviously doesnt care how she made anyone feel so why should you?

But lots wouldn't think of that as fun.

You've got to be joking. Why would any true friend want their mate to stretch themselves beyond what they can afford financially to go on a trip that they won't enjoy.

If the bride was a true friend she'd recognise that not everyone can afford a boozy trip abroad, and not everyone would want to, and that's fine. If she really wanted to celebrate with friends she'd be open to having some sort of get together in the UK (either instead of or as well as abroad).

She is no friend. I would not bother with her again. She is being pathetic and entitled.

You are very understanding. She's had that chance. I'd not be justifying or explaining anything - or wasting my time with anyone willing to treat me like this.