AIBU to marry secretly now and hold a wedding in 2028?

Jesus Christ, this has to be one of the most frustrating threads to read ever. Just get married, tell everyone, have a wedding party when you're ready. Why complicate things by lying? The fact that you don't seem to grasp why people might be upset by the deceit is weird

I think you want a renewal of your vows ceremony. Do that then. It’s not a wedding, but you could dress up again if you like.

You can take the rings off and have them blessed as they go back on. You cannot say ' i give you this ring as a sign of our marriage ' ' with this ring I thee wed'.

It’s not a package where you can pay to have a wedding ceremony one day and then they do a fake ceremony 1 year or two later 😂.

Then why not just tell them? They will be pissed off anyway.

have your party. Don't invite them if they are arsey. Life is way too short to have people in your life that cause you issues and hurt.

this is way too much drama for me. I would have cut them out my life a long time ago if they made my life miserable.

there are way bigger issues here than a party

Yes but the celebrant part is to bless and celebrate the wedding you've already had with a clear and absolute understanding that the registry office part is the date of your marriage. They won't repeat the legal words,exchange of rings etc. That is entirely illegal. Megan Markle said she and Harry had married the day before the st georges chapel 'do' with just the 2 of them and the Archbishop of Canterbury. He came straight out and said absolutely not that would have been completely illegal. You can only make marriage vows once within that marriage.

What do you mean, ‘ideally we would just tell everyone’?

Your OP is all about not wearing rings and not telling people?!

Get married next week with a witness off the street-fine. Have a party at some point in the future to celebrate-also fine. Not telling anyone you’ve got married years ago (or A year as you’re now trying to make out that sounds so much better) and having a fake wedding ceremony that you’ve invited them all to-is not fine.

Any timeline longer than 6 months, at an absolute push, is going to give the same outcome.
minimise risk as best you can with wills/POA/legal documents to cover eventualities in the interim but this timeline is setting yourself up for a whole world of unnecessary drama

I wouldn’t have a problem with it if I found out.

DH and I did the registry office a couple of days before our actual wedding (parents and witnesses only). We did have a couple of guests who were affronted that the wedding “wasn’t real.”

To us, the wedding day with our friends and families is the real one, not because of a dress or gifts (we kept that side quite small), but because it was when we made a commitment to others in from of our family and friends.

It will be completely obvious to anyone who has ever had/ attended a legal marriage ceremony that you are not getting married at your 2028 event. You cannot legally have anything other than a blessing/ vow renewal type of event. You can write vows about how much you mean to each other but you cannot repeat the 'x do you take y......' etc No registered celebrant would get involved with anything like that because it would be illegal. You would need a pretend celebrant ( out of work z list actor) to do it. If people find out that you didnt nip to the registry office the week before but have in fact been married for 2 years, have got them there under false pretences and then done a blessing/ faked a ceremony they'll think you're mad ( and the most fake person they've ever set eyes on)

It’s not the wedding celebration post legals that’s the problem - this happens all the time…(usually a month max either way)
It’s that it will have happened 2 years ago!
Is the risk of being hit by a bus so high that you can’t wait 2 years to prevent this whole pantomime?!

Just be honest - they’re family and friends, why deceive them? Say you’re having a big celebration in 2028 or whenever. They’ll be happy for you.

Madness and a bit main character.

Just get married now if you want and have a party later, could be for your anniversary, or significant birthday.

No need for all the mystery nonsense

Because it’s just a party at that point not a wedding.

Lots of people spend a lot of time effort and money to attend a wedding that they would not a party.

OP there are more serious issues at play here though.

What if something happens to either of you? If you’re not married then it’s your family who are your next of kin in terms of being able to make legal decisions regarding your health etc, So if something happens to one or the other of you is the hospital in critical circumstances the time for them to find out that the relationship has changed and they’re no longer your next of kin but your husband, who they didn’t know was your husband, is?

Do you have wills?

Not telling people you’re married etc can seem all very cute and lighthearted while you’re building up to the big party, until something potentially goes wrong and it no longer is.

Genuinely, would they not be far more upset if it comes out afterwards? The double dunt - being married without telling them, then lying about it for 2 years and pretending to get married at a later date.

think that's possibly opening up a world of pain for you in the future.

Because during the 2 years between the actual legal wedding and the big party ( where they pretend they are getting married) there will have been many conversations about the wedding, how relieved people are that they are finally doing it, how good it is that your children's inheritance is protected, blah blah. Op will have fudged over that or outright lied when she knows very well that they are already married and legally protected. That's a bit grubby

I got married abroad and it is 100% legal. Solicitors have viewed my wedding certificate a number of times for various things, so have passport.
Surely you don't think anyone marrying abroad is not legal?!
And it would be a party 2 years later, or a bow renewal. Not a wedding.