So when you “get married” in 2028 you’ll already have been married for 2 years.
Are you not planning on taking your marriage vows seriously for those two years? A marriage is a marriage. In those two years you are not going to call him your husband, or yourself his wife? Or are you not counting that as a ‘real’ marriage, even though it is by law, and by 99% of peoples understanding ?
I’m not sure you’ve put yourself in the shoes of future you, standing at your “marriage” looking at your husband and saying a performative series of words that outline a reality you’ve already been living for 2 years? Won’t you feel, at the very least, faintly ridiculous?
I can promise you that 2 years into a marriage, if you’ve been doing it right, you’ll be thinking ‘well this is weird.’ Because if you somehow think that the pretend wedding is the actual important day, you’re kind of making a mockery of the institution of marriage, no?
Because it looks very much like what you’re saying publicly will be : “Yeah, the previous two years, that was just necessary admin. THIS is the read deal, now, this, where we publicly admit we’ve lived a lie for two years. THIS is what commitment looks like.”
THAT is the bit that you don’t seem to want to recognise as the crux of the deceit.
We’re not talking about people fudging a month or so because they couldn’t get the exact date they wanted at the venue, or they got hitched because Uncle Sid was dying, you are asking people to collude with you in imagining that 2 years of marriage is a sort of administrative oversight just because you like the idea of being Princess for a day.
So when on the day you say “We did the legal bit earlier,” you don’t imagine that anyone will say “Oh? When?” What will you say? Is that when you reveal it was in 2026 or will you outright lie and say “last week.” ? You need to give proper thought to this and how you will handle the question as it arises, because this is the crux of it.
Some people might not care. As you can see from quite a lot of responses on here, a lot WOULD care, to the extent that friendships have ended over the deceit.
Have the party, wear the dress, spend the money, that’s fine. But just be honest about what you’re asking people to take part in. Weddings are still a collaborative event: you seem to be treating it like a performance you’re putting on for people to watch, and that’s quite telling about your motives.
It’s absolute fine to want to be the centre of attention for a day; that will still happen if you call it an anniversary party, or a renewal of vows ( actually, don’t call it that, people always assume one of you has cheated).
You’re banking a lot on everyone seeing it the same way as you, and not something that could cause a bit of fuss on the day and actually mean that how wonderful you look and aren’t these canapés delightful isn’t the main topic of conversation.
That was a lot of words to basically echo a PP.
It’s. The. Lying.