AIBU to marry secretly now and hold a wedding in 2028?

For the reasons I said initially..

1. we don’t want to elope and announce as for a long time that felt like it was our only option. Not through choice. It felt forced upon us by my dysfunctional family, and potentially also the last nail in that relationship.
2. The worst scenario is a registry and immediate family meal. Absolutely do not want this.
3. That leaves ‘have a big wedding’. I couldn’t envisage this until recently. I now can and am quite excited by it. It’s an opportunity to celebrate our little family and throw a big party for everyone.

Part of the reason to do it 2028 rather than 2027 is so we can continue having holidays and spending on our family as usual. If we went for 2027 we could do it, but it wouldn’t be sensible to have any big holidays or above average expenditure between now and then. We live solely off our own businesses and we need to keep reserves in ways that salaried employees don’t. For the last 5 years the economy has been so unstable. One tweet by trump, one flap by our gov - can and has trashed out entire income for 6 months on numerous occasions. So its just about being sensible.

Ironically if we were swimming in money it wouldn't be an issue. If we had a 1 million+ house paid off then actually it would beneficial to NOT get legally married. Which is an interesting thought exercise. Would I care about going to a wedding where people exchange vows, rings, change names and dont actually sign the paper because financially that would be unbeneficial. No I dont think I would be upset actually if thats what is best for that couples children re. HMRC; but in all other ways they now live as Mr & Mrs.

It will be completely obvious to anyone who has ever had/ attended a legal marriage ceremony that you are not getting married at your 2028 event. You cannot legally have anything other than a blessing/ vow renewal type of event. You can write vows about how much you mean to each other but you cannot repeat the 'x do you take y......' etc No registered celebrant would get involved with anything like that because it would be illegal. You would need a pretend celebrant ( out of work z list actor) to do it. If people find out that you didnt nip to the registry office the week before but have in fact been married for 2 years, have got them there under false pretences and then done a blessing/ faked a ceremony they'll think you're mad ( and the most fake person they've ever set eyes on)

For the reasons I said initially..

1. we don’t want to elope and announce as for a long time that felt like it was our only option. Not through choice. It felt forced upon us by my dysfunctional family, and potentially also the last nail in that relationship.
2. The worst scenario is a registry and immediate family meal. Absolutely do not want this.
3. That leaves ‘have a big wedding’. I couldn’t envisage this until recently. I now can and am quite excited by it. It’s an opportunity to celebrate our little family and throw a big party for everyone.

Part of the reason to do it 2028 rather than 2027 is so we can continue having holidays and spending on our family as usual. If we went for 2027 we could do it, but it wouldn’t be sensible to have any big holidays or above average expenditure between now and then. We live solely off our own businesses and we need to keep reserves in ways that salaried employees don’t. For the last 5 years the economy has been so unstable. One tweet by trump, one flap by our gov - can and has trashed out entire income for 6 months on numerous occasions. So its just about being sensible.

Can someone explain the difference between paying to attend a wedding that contains the legal ceremony, and a wedding party that doesn't? I don't want to quote any specific posters like I'm arguing with them, but I can't understand why you'd be willing to pay (and book time off work, travel, and so on) for one and not the other when they're both celebrating the same thing. I don't understand what actual difference it makes, or why you would feel short-changed.

Yes, entirely normal.

I think some Mners are so misanthropic that they regard a wedding invitation as a major inconvenience, if not an actual act of war, and their inner logic goes something like 'Well, if I'm going to unwillingly buy an outfit and drag myself to attend someone's wedding with gritted teeth, here is a heaven-sent reason to grump about it, or to refuse, because if the couple are already married and just celebrating their marriage, it's just another, non-special party I don't have to go to.'

What protection do you mean?

I am a comfortably off single woman with adult DC and a long term partner, who has little in the way of assets but pays his way day to day.

I am protected by not being married. If I married him, there's every possibility that my assets could end up with him, or his next wife, rather than me and my DC.

I think that’s the issue-the OP is planning to lie about being married, not wear rings, not tell anyone at all, and then invite everyone to their ‘wedding’ two years later.

Yes, entirely normal.

I think some Mners are so misanthropic that they regard a wedding invitation as a major inconvenience, if not an actual act of war, and their inner logic goes something like 'Well, if I'm going to unwillingly buy an outfit and drag myself to attend someone's wedding with gritted teeth, here is a heaven-sent reason to grump about it, or to refuse, because if the couple are already married and just celebrating their marriage, it's just another, non-special party I don't have to go to.'

As long as they know it’s not a wedding. People often feel obligated to attend weddings and have to spend money on travel, outfits, presents etc.

If it’s just a party then it’s different

How odd that people would feel upset by this! I got married in a mairie in France and four months later in a church. I think you should go ahead, OP and anyone who doesn’t like it can stay home!