AIBU to marry secretly now and hold a wedding in 2028?

But assuming they haven’t done the legal
part, they aren’t married, it’s not a wedding. Marriage is a legal contract, it’s not just saying nice words and exchanging rings, it creates legal duties on both partners. Have we really reached the point where people don’t understand that?

I think its weird, even a few months gap is weird. Get married mid week if you must and then have a party on the weekend. Most people put up with spending a bomb on going to a wedding because it feels good to be a part of "these persons here present" not to be conned into a party for something that happened years ago! Most destination weddings are legal weddings, 2 of my best friends got married abroad, one in Malta and one in Belieze, both were legal weddings. Apart from Spain most countries are chill about non-nationals marrying there. If you insist on doing it this way because you cant see another way round inheritance tax then at least be honest and tell people!

You didn't get married 4 months later though, did you, if you were already married?

No, you're wrong. A wedding is a marriage ceremony. You apparently have been to parties celebrating someone's marriage, but they have never been weddings, whether you consider them to be or not.

There is a big difference between "Please join us to celebrate at the wedding of x and y" and "Please join us to celebrate the wedding of x and y".

So why are you proposing lying about it for 2 years then? If you think people wouldn’t be bothered then why lie?

You post on MN then appear to be getting arsey because most people think it is absolutely ridiculous to have a secret wedding that you hide from everyone and then have a pretend one 2 years down the line.

I don’t know what type of weddings you go to but I suspect most of the commenters in this post, myself included, have NEVER been to a wedding where the bride and groom have lied about being married for 2 years to the point of not telling anyone or wearing rings. And I do not believe you have either

You absolutely can. But why lie about it? Just get married and then have a party in 2028? Why the lies?

It’s the time between them both that makes this utterly ridiculous.

Basically inviting them to your 2 year wedding anniversary but expecting them to fork out for it.

Just get married. Have a small wedding. A few people. Or no people.

Most of my friends, including me, got married for various reasons alone or with close family/friends and then had another wedding with everyone a year or two later. Don’t see why you need to hide it!

I'm very confused. You've waited all this time to think about getting married and want to wait to have your "big day". I totally get that however you also want to get married quickly to protect yourselves (totally get that too).
What i don't understand is thinking leaving 2 years between the legal ceremony and actual big day. I would consider either compromising on the date at the right venue (sometimes places get cancellations so worth asking) or making 2028 a vow renewal instead. I don't think hiding being actually married for 2 years is acceptable and to be honest think that would cause fallout for you, which i can see you're trying to avoid.

Well it would be a blessing or renewal 2 years down the line. My nephew married in Australia and when they came back her mum wanted a church wedding. Was very upset to be told Dad couldnt give the daughter away or walk her down the aisle. So assuming you are OK with that?
We got engaged in late October and married May the following year. 50 adult guests plus children in a local hotel. What was important to us wasn't the party, it was having our children and family and friends see us make the commitment to each other . We've made it to 10 years this year and thinking about a blessing or renewal now.
Just do a smaller wedding and think about the wedding, not the party. Thats not the important thing.

Get married then invite everyone to a vow renewal in a couple of years. Then everyone knows what they are attending and you still get your day. If they know the situation they will be ok with it. Personally I don’t get big weddings, usually the bigger the wedding the quicker the divorce. The important part is the marriage, not the party.

Pick one or the other. What a ridiculous idea.

I got married in New Zealand and I’m pretty sure it’s legally valid here. Either elope and tell people or wait. No need for deceit.

A colleague did this but with a 6 month gap. A few thought it odd, but they all turned up to celebrate and do ‘the wedding’.

I personally would just have a smaller ceremony and meal with your very nearest and dearest and have a bigger reception same day this year. Or go abroad then just the reception part when you’re back.
We did the big wedding and spent so much unnecessary money on one single day. Yes, we enjoyed it but if we could go back do it again, we would 100% do the smaller option and spend less money.

I think it’s fine but I’d be honest about it.

I’ve been to plenty of weddings where bride and groom get married before although normally few days before. And the actual wedding is just a blessing type thing.

I just think the secrecy may annoy other guests.

https://www.gov.uk/marriages-civil-partnerships-abroad

You won't get a UK marriage certificate if you get married abroad (the Med, say), but the marriage is just as legal as it would be if it took place in the UK. I speak from experience.

Me either.

All this drama and secrecy could be avoided, but OP seems determined to lie and pretend the fake wedding is real.

It is not being a misery guts to be a bit worried about lying to/ actively misleading all those people closest to you! Especially in a situation where they are putting themselves out and spending money and the likelihood is that the truth will come out at some point. If you’re not worried about it and think they will be fine, or will never find out, that’s your risk to take. But don’t be surprised if you end up with a backlash.

Absolutely this, whichever year!

OP you should be aware - marriage revokes your last Will, so you'll need to redo your Will after you legally get married.

It’s not the truth though either- which would be “actually yes we got married last year in Basingstoke registry office but didn’t tell anyone.”

If you really want to do it so much that you’re prepared to bend the truth and watch yours and your family/ friends’ words for the next 2 years, then go ahead. I wouldn’t do it. But I think you can’t be surprised if this backfires rather badly given everything people have said here and the fact that you already have a difficult relationship with your family.

I still don't understand why you can't just say "hi we've finally decided to make it official and eloped, we'll have a vow renewal and party in X 2028 for everyone who wants to come." Done.