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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to marry secretly now and hold a wedding in 2028?

614 replies

Wededed · 09/06/2026 13:03

We are just about to book a wedding venue. We were going to do next summer but are tempted to do 2028 as it gives us more time to save, and more time to fit in planning/ organising.

But this is two years away!!!

We are well overdue this wedding. We have been engaged for many years. I believe 6 or 7!!

With two young kids and assets now worth worrying about legally. Would it be unreasonable to go and get married secretly in private without telling anyone at a registry office.

We can then have the 2028 wedding as planned but if either of us gets hit by a bus in the meantime then we are legally covered.

One part of me thinks this is no big deal. It’s no different to 3/4 of the weddings I have been to where people are having destination weddings or celebrants weddings at unlicensed venues.

The only difference is the extensive time frame and we won’t be able to wear our rings or change our names without others knowing until after the 2028 date.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Sahara123 · 09/06/2026 13:39

I personally would be pretty peeved if I went to all the effort of clothes for my family, hotels, travel , presents etc etc and then discovered the couple had been married for 2 years.
Do what you want but don’t call it a wedding 2 years later !

Original poster
Wededed · 09/06/2026 13:36

SparklyGlitterballs · 09/06/2026 13:31

You've had 6-7 years of engagement to save up. You're all worried about "legally protecting the children" but if you were that concerned you'd have had a civil ceremony or wedding before they were born. It's obviously more about the flashy ceremony/dress/optics for Insta if you're willing to lie for 2 years.

This is 2026!

I am a millennial and have had a roof to buy and children to birth. Dear lord 😂

OP posts:
PinkEasterbunny · 09/06/2026 13:35

Why should we not be able to have the wedding we want just because we have children we need to protect legally.

You can't have the wedding you want right now because the venue isn't available/you can't afford it! But you can protect your children legally within the next few weeks and still have your full wedding (minus the legal bits) in 2028, and I'm sure family and friends would be fine about it

OneThreadOnlybyN · 09/06/2026 13:35

JollyGreenWatermelon · 09/06/2026 13:15

I don't know why people get so over-involved and miffed if they miss the actual signature of a legal contract 😂

I am guessing they point blank refuse to attend a birthday or an anniversary party if it's not on the exact date?

Posters on MN do hate weddings and any kind of celebration, that might the reason. They get offended if they are not invited, but they also get offended when they ARE invited. 😂Pity the family having to deal with them

If the wedding ceremony isn't important (which is much more than just signing the register), what's if all about? The idea is to make your vows in front if famiky & friends & for people to celebrate that.

it's not about a pretty dress, flowers & confetti.

if it's not important to you to make your vows in front uf your family & friends, that's fine, but don't trick them into spending money & time so you can be a princess for a day.

MayFlyBee · 09/06/2026 13:35

I find it so weird anyone would care about this. The part of a wedding I enjoy is the public commitment, celebration and opportunity for families and friends of both sides to all meet each other. I’ve never got any kind of a kick out of seeing legal paperwork completed.

SowWhatNow · 09/06/2026 13:34

Wededed · 09/06/2026 13:33

Until now that is what we had. With insurances in trust to ensure the house balance was covered whilst we were unmarried (we had little equity and no kids at that point).

Due to the equity we have now built in the house and our businesses it’s too much to leave on the table so hence the worry about being hit by a bus.

Show quote history

What's your priority?

readingmakesmehappy · 09/06/2026 13:34

We have family who had the big wedding party a year after their legal bit. Was not impressed.
if you want the legal protection but can’t afford the big party then you need to cut your cloth.

Original poster
Wededed · 09/06/2026 13:33

MrsPerfect12 · 09/06/2026 13:29

Why can’t you get wills made up to product you all for now?

Until now that is what we had. With insurances in trust to ensure the house balance was covered whilst we were unmarried (we had little equity and no kids at that point).

Due to the equity we have now built in the house and our businesses it’s too much to leave on the table so hence the worry about being hit by a bus.

OP posts:
SowWhatNow · 09/06/2026 13:32

Elope or quick civil ceremony asap for the legal protections.

Book a party fot whenever you want to 1 year, 2 years whatever - a celebration of love if you will, (even redo your vows if you like), but don't call it a wedding. Because it's not.

Questi3nn · 09/06/2026 13:32

Ive been to two weddings where the couples didnt legally get married on the date. Both due to their own administrative errors but they did legally sign the docs a few days later.
Personally I also got married legally in the morning at a registry office and had my wedding in the PM as where our "wedding" was was not a place we could get married.
However in all cases it wasnt a secret and 18months + later is a bit Hmm

Tryagain26 · 09/06/2026 13:32

I don't see any problem with you having a small private wedding now followed by na celebration/party Inna couple of years but why keep it a secret? Just tell people what you are doing.
A small private wedding is perfectly ok but I would be extremely upset and confused if one of my children or close family or friends got married and didn't tell me.

Imaginingdragonsagain · 09/06/2026 13:32

ladykale · 09/06/2026 13:29

Also, what’s the huge expense people talk of to attend a wedding? The bride and groom spend far more typically per head hosting you!

In fairness , weddings and activities around them can often be expensive for guests. New outfits, travel, gifts, hotel stays, stag/hen dos.

SparklyGlitterballs · 09/06/2026 13:31

You've had 6-7 years of engagement to save up. You're all worried about "legally protecting the children" but if you were that concerned you'd have had a civil ceremony or wedding before they were born. It's obviously more about the flashy ceremony/dress/optics for Insta if you're willing to lie for 2 years.

tigger1001 · 09/06/2026 13:30

Wededed · 09/06/2026 13:22

In response to why have one in 2028;

Because for many years we have ummed and ahhed about what to do. Never done anything for various reasons. We recently saw a venue which is local and would work perfectly.

I can now clearly envisage a beautiful wedding which we can afford and I want to celebrate the family we have made.

I am quite excited about it. But nervous that holding out will be a risk to our children if anything were to happen. That is not ok in my eyes.

Why should we not be able to have the wedding we want just because we have children we need to protect legally.

Edited

You can absolutely do both - but be honest and upfront about it.

Alouest · 09/06/2026 13:30

Why don't you have your small wedding now and plan a big party (NOT a wedding) for 2028?

FWIW I know someone who did this and a lot of the attendees were really quite annoyed. They felt short-changed and the people who had contributed money or other things (champagne etc) for the wedding were royally pissed off.

Original poster
Wededed · 09/06/2026 13:29

Do registry office and a small dinner afterwards.

We don’t want to do that.

My parents are a nightmare. A small registry with them as a major percentage of the attendees is a miserable affair.

We also considered eloping and announcing. Partly because of the nightmare family element. I don’t want to do that either because I felt for a long time elopement was our only option. That felt forced and that took the fun and romance out of it. They would simultaneously also see that as an affront to batter us with whilst taking pleasure that we didn’t get our day. They are not nice people which is partly why I am so keen to celebrate our little family and all those who do care about us.

OP posts:
MrsPerfect12 · 09/06/2026 13:29

Why can’t you get wills made up to product you all for now?

ladykale · 09/06/2026 13:29

Also, what’s the huge expense people talk of to attend a wedding? The bride and groom spend far more typically per head hosting you!

Daysgo · 09/06/2026 13:29

It just seems kind of childish, the tricking people. Is it so you don't lose out on decent wedding presents? Or so u have a fairytale pretend wedding? ... Just seems bizarre really

anotherdaytosmile · 09/06/2026 13:29

If you get married then you’re married. Anything else is a party or weird renewal of vows. It isn’t a wedding so don’t say it is and expect people to respond

ladykale · 09/06/2026 13:28

I don’t see why it’s anyone’s business - I wouldn’t keep it a secret though. Have a small wedding at the registry office. Book your venue and send save the dates for 2028. It’s not that strange, lots of people send a save the date 12 months ahead - you would just be sending it 18 months ahead.

Have the full blown wedding you want in 2028! Life is too short to adjust your plans based on what guests want. They don’t have to come - you’ll save money if they don’t after all!

OneThreadOnlybyN · 09/06/2026 13:28

Beyondamountainandoverthesea · 09/06/2026 13:14

Op doesnt want to do that. If it would 'fuck you off' that badly then you wouldnt have to attend would you.

Show quote history

That makes no sense. There be attending believing it was the actual wedding. When in fact it's just a fake an excuse for a party & presents, a huge expense for guests.

Imaginingdragonsagain · 09/06/2026 13:27

Buscobel · 09/06/2026 13:11

If you get married now for very valid reasons, but do t tell anyone, then have a big ‘wedding’ in a couple of years, it does rather look as though you’re doing it for the gifts.

Yes I agree with this.

Alottatopspin · 09/06/2026 13:26

Wededed · 09/06/2026 13:22

In response to why have one in 2028;

Because for many years we have ummed and ahhed about what to do. Never done anything for various reasons. We recently saw a venue which is local and would work perfectly.

I can now clearly envisage a beautiful wedding which we can afford and I want to celebrate the family we have made.

I am quite excited about it. But nervous that holding out will be a risk to our children if anything were to happen. That is not ok in my eyes.

Why should we not be able to have the wedding we want just because we have children we need to protect legally.

Edited

Get married, protect your children, envisage a different venue - one available now-ish!

Alottatopspin · 09/06/2026 13:25

Wededed · 09/06/2026 13:14

Well that’s what I am thinking. Only two of a dozen weddings I have been to in the past decade have actually been THE ‘wedding’.

Most weddings are not weddings these days.

Show quote history

Is that true? Not really. TWO years though? With the white dress etc? I’d assume you were just greedy fuckers after the presents and that’s why you l’d bother. I really wouldn’t be happy to be lied too either… if you’re going to do it then be upfront, but I’d expect a lot of ‘sorry can’t make it’ for the ‘wedding’.
I’m not buying going to a hen or stag do, buying a new outfit, paying for travel and presents, and a hotel, and drinks at the bar etc for a fake wedding!