AIBU to marry secretly now and hold a wedding in 2028?

@Wededed do whatever suits your family. No one needs to know what happened 2 years ago on the day of your 2028 wedding. Literally don’t over think it. Do the legal part now and the ceremony later. Not a biggy!

I went to a cousin's wedding and found out they did the legal bit the day before, and the church 'wedding' was just a blessing. And I'm still annoyed about all the travel, time and cost, presents etc. I think it was being economical with the truth that annoyed me mostly.

I would be really annoyed if your 'wedding' was 2 years later and you've pretended you're not married.

Sorry I would be really fed up as a guest to be invited to a wedding and find out it isn’t it’s just a big pretend party. Sounds like you are in love with the idea of the big dress / day / photos which are the least important elements. You make your actual marriage sound a bit transactional. Why not get married now and just have a smaller celebration which you can afford. Anything could happen in another 2 years and you may not be able to afford the big party anyway.

@Wededed
Why don’t you get married now as you said with just the witnesses but instead of lying, book the 2028 event as a party/ celebration and explain your reasons. Say that you really want to celebrate in this way, but couldn’t organise it sooner. You can still wear the wedding dress you want, have bridesmaids etc, but just don’t dress it up as a wedding, or call it one, because it isn’t.
i think people will accept this perfectly well as long as you aren’t deceitful.
You may even get discounts due to the fact that it isn’t actually a wedding, and you will be able to prove it!

My daughters friends got married in Spain last year, it’s definitely legal

Do it if that’s what you want but don’t lie about it and pretend you’re not legally married when you are.

Alternatively get wills in place and then wait until 2028. A basic will can be done very cheaply online.

What!!! In what world do you think that’s correct! I got married abroad and that alone, no need to register it or do anything legal in the UK and it’s perfectly legal thank you so check your facts 🤣🤣

It wasn't awful, it was lovely. They had a religious blessing of their legal wedding, the wedding party wore all their lovely wedding outfits for the first time, we shared a fabulous day of food and speeches and celebrations. I used my annual leave and paid for flights and accommodation and I was glad to be there because they're my friends and I love them. I was also glad that their grandads got to share a special part of their marriage.

I’d be utterly pissed if I spent time and money on going to a wedding to find out people had already been married, let alone for 2 years.

Most abroad weddings you need to get legally married in the UK first.

This thread makes me wonder how many people have attended weddings and watched a ceremony and assumed they're watching the legal one when they're not.

(One could argue, does it even matter whether it's the legal one or not?)

I agree !! I’d have been mighty unimpressed

Yes, a wedding postponed for COVID is a different kettle of fish.

You need to decide on your priorities. Either protect your children now (insofaras marriage does that) and have not-the-dream wedding, or wait for the dream wedding.

Just get married. Job done.

In this instance the guests used annual leave, paid flights and accommodation and holiday spends for a glorified party?!? And they didn’t even know that’s what they were doing in the first instance- they believed it was a wedding but the secret wedding had already taken place!! That’s awful!

I wouldn't bother with a wedding party 10 years after getting engaged. If you really want a party then have one, but don't pretend it's a wedding.

Neither have I .

It’s the lying that’s so weird with this. Also having kids and saving for a house don’t stop you from getting married or sorting your wills out. None of these things is expensive of you just want the paperwork in place. You should know from the endless posts on here that women with kids who aren’t married are absolutely shafted if their partner fucks off. Being a millennial doesn’t save you from that. From a legal POV you need to get married/civil partnership asap.

What difference does it make it if its the day before or two years before?

That might be your experience but it's not mine. I've never been to a wedding that isn't actually a wedding.
I only some people who have but in those cases the actual wedding was in a register office the day or two before not two years previously . The only time the wedding celebration was more than a couple of days after the actual wedding was during covid and that was because of lockdown laws.

But a Covid affected wedding was different, i don’t think many people would’ve minded a post covid wedding party.

TBH, I wouldn't be too bothered about going to a fake wedding where they'd been married for 2 years already. A few days or a couple of weeks is fine - lots of people do that. But 2 years? Unless it was really convenient for me, I wouldn't make much effort to be there. It's not your special day, so why would I?

But the paperwork is the actual public commitment. Thaya the point if no return!

just seeing people say vows is nice but no actual commitment there!

People are weird about weddings on MN. In the real world, lots of people don't get legally married at the wedding- maybe the venue isn't licensed, or the wedding is abroad.

The weird part would be lying about it. I have friends who had to cancel their big wedding in Covid and have a social distanced ceremony at the register office with two witnesses- they then had a big party when they could. Nobody cared and everyone was just happy to celebrate.

I suppose some people might not be impressed and not attend, but I would imagine that would be a very small minority.

Not unreasonable at all. It's a lovely idea. Small and secret then do a big party in a couple of years with all the guests and razzle dazzle if you want it.

Our friends had a wonderful wedding abroad and there were a couple of elderly family members who couldn't go. But in secret, well before this full-on overseas do, the couple went to a registry office with just those elderly relatives who acted as the witnesses, had a meal out with them and photos then kept that little delicious secret. I thought it was lovely.

You're right that the legal side of the marriage is important, especially when you share property and finances. Get that done and then you can take your time planning the perfect day to share with your wider family and friends.