AIBU to marry secretly now and hold a wedding in 2028?

How big of an event do you really need? Do you really need to save and organize for two more years? I’d say just get married in six months to a year , that’ll leave you enough time to sort out a wedding. Make it fit your budget and time frame. I got married 8 months after engagement and had plenty of time to arrange for a wedding of 80 guests. Also, are you sure if won’t just ruin the wedding for yourself too if you’ve already been married for years by then? Maybe you’ll just feel like what’s the point by the time you get there.

Yes, as a PP pointed out, I bet there's earlier availability for venues when you go outside the May-September band.

Loss of a weekend 🤣

How annoying being invited to eat, drink and be merry with your loved ones!

What fun sponges 🧽 If you don’t like the people getting married, just decline the invitation….

Personally I’d simply do a small intimate wedding now - take the kids and a couple of close friends/family and get married either in the UK or at a luxury hotel overseas - something the kids would enjoy, remember and that would be meaningful for all of you. All the rest is a money milking exercise that doesn’t really give value for money as photographers etc just rip you off for an album you genuinely won’t look at more than half a dozen times in the subsequent 15 years (believe me).

The priority for me would be making a meaningful gesture in front of my children and selected family/witnesses and securing our position legally so that if anything happened to either of us, my spouse/children are more protected.

All the rest is just tens of thousands down the drain.

@Wededed I had a Catholic Church wedding so a ‘real’ wedding but if I was going down your route, I’d do what works for my family and get the legalities sorted. However, if you’re anything like me OP, I think that once I was legally married in secret I’m pretty sure I’d end up sacking off the 2028 wedding altogether now the deed was done and use the money on a fabulous holiday, new car, deposit on house whatever but not a wedding.

You're waaaay too concerned about what other people might think, especially people you don't like very much. If your parents are nightmarish, get married without them and don't give another thought to how they might respond to any kind of wedding. Your priority should be regulating your situation legally, especially as you have children. Everything else is just the frills. It would be completely mad to continue to put off a wedding you've already postponed for six or seven years because of more humming and hawing.

Do it. I wouldn’t tell a soul, could you not even get 2 strangers or colleagues to witness it? I initially voted YABU but actually it doesn’t harm anyone so why not??

I think lots of posters will have been to a wedding like this where the couple did a small registry office legal bit, just that most of them perhaps didn’t realise.

Ha just us then.
My DC are at that age where they are invited to lots of weddings of friends. They view each one as a loss of a weekend. I have one this year and I might enjoy the ceremony but not looking forward to an afternoon and evening of socialising.

So so weird people saying they would be annoyed as a guest

Weddings are a ritualisfic celebration of love and union with a great party attached. That's why we go to them...to see people we love and have fun !.

I got married two years before I had a wedding it's not even unusual .

Personally I’d just marry now with a smaller do and forget 2028. But I’m very much marriage is a legal contract and not fussed re a big wedding, I had a small wedding 25 years ago zero regrets.
I think by point you’ve got 2 kids and an established life the ship has sailed on a big wedding but accept that’s perhaps an old fashioned view.

I would support this, as a guest. You’re entitled to protect your families best interests whilst also wanting the wedding that works for you. It’s not really anyone else’s business. People renew their vows all the time, how is this any different? You do you.
If heaven forbid, anything happened between the two weddings, everyone would be saying how sensible your decision was.

Just get married and have a small celebration then a big one in two years!

All these secrets and lies. I'm 53 and grew up with secrets and lies as my mother always wanted one side of the family to know or not know something. It's exhausting and pointless and you worry more about tripping yourself up.

We got married then 2 years later had a party in my home country to celebrate. No-one cares!

Hmm where to start.

You have ummed & ahhhd about getting married for years, but now you have !assets' you've decided ur must be done immediately.

What 'protection' do you think it'll give your kids that a will wouldn't?

you'll have to lie to your kids, your parents, everyone FOREVER about the date of your marriage, being careful not to let them see any forms with your official wedding date on (& it comes up more than you might imagine)
your kids will be lying whenever they need to put your wedding date on anything.

you'll have to lie about your anniversary every year, including the big ones.

you're not young kids starting out, desperate to be together, to get married,to declare you love & say your vows jn front of your family & fruends. you're doing it for perceived practical reasons, why do you need to save family money for two years to be a princess for the day?

That’s not the same. You’re going to lie about it. That’s a massive difference.

I think the reasons OP is considering this out weighs the reasons not to upset future guests. Some of which she may no longer be in touch with. Hopefully she keeps it to herself and her guests are none the wiser!

I would do a CP now for the legal and financial reasons

Well I like weddings! Most of the ones I went to in my 20s / 30s had lots of friends there for a big party. What’s not to like?

You could end up getting divorced before your wedding 😀

Incorrect overseas weddings (with the exception of a small number of countries) are legal and recognised in UK law

Just do the register office with the kids and two witnesses. Announce it and then skip the wedding. No-one actually likes going to weddings, they are an obligation and tedious for all except the bride. Spend that money on something for your family.

People on Mumsnet get really weird about what they term "fake weddings".

You have to do what you have to do to make this the best day of your life. If you want it to be a wedding, that's what it is. Enjoy your day.

Just make sure nobody ever finds out. Because... weird irateness.

Some definitely are! It depends where you get married. As long as it is legal in the country you marry in it is a legal marriage.
The UK acknowledges wedding certificates from other countries

Everyone’s saying ‘just get married now’, but there’s also the option of booking it for next summer as originally planned, or even doing a winter wedding. Immediately in a register office or summer 2028 aren’t the only choices.

I would be unimpressed to go to a wedding with all the costs involved and to celebrate a couple when the whole day was a sham.