AIBU to marry secretly now and hold a wedding in 2028?

So you want the huge white fluffy wedding day which is gonna cost hence 2yrs time and saving

but also want kids and yourself protected incase the worse happens

honestly save your money and get married now and party after

Honestly op I think your reasoning is sound. Tbh I think you could be honest and just have the big reception in 2 years, but legal and financial protection of your family outweighs anything else so I would 100% get married asap.

And as soon as it is a called a 'party' and not a 'wedding' the cost halves.

What if you get married in secret, don't tell anyone, and then one of you gets hit by a bus in the 2 years before the wedding party?

Will you never admit to being married, or will there be a big reveal at the funeral that you are actually married? Do death certificates still say single/married?

That would be a horrible way to find out your son/daughter/brother/whatever was married but didn't tell you.

Personally I couldn't give two hoots about going to a wedding of people who have been legally married before the event, and whether I knew about it or not. It's an event to celebrate – I don't see why it matters.

But I think you're overestimating that some tragedy will befall you within 2 years. Odds are overwhelming that it wouldn't.

What utter bollocks!

My daughter got married in Rhodes in 2022 and it is absolutely legal.

Not really sure why you posted here OP? Vast majority of people think lying about not being married to your family and friends and then pretending to get married years later is bang out of order but you're not interested in listening. Lots of compromises suggested but again you've made up your mind so why bother to ask?

Get married.
Keep it very small and then celebrate. A party is easier to organise than a big wedding.

Because that is what a wedding is. A public declaration of your union and a public witnessing of that declaration which includes the signing of the contract. A celebration of your marriage or union afterwards is the party bit. Any way or combination of those is fine. Traditionally both done on the same day, but if not, you can see something called a wedding 2 years later might anoy people, when it is a celebration of the marriageand not all the witness stuff. Some people still put importance on witnessing the public declaration of the union, some don't. But it's the deception that is the real issue. Do the contract bit privately then invite everyone to a celebration of the marriage in 2 years. That's if, of course, you still want to celebrate the marriage in 2 years time😁

Curious as to how being married protects your children over and above what a will or being joint tenants will do?

I think you either get married now or you wait. You would be unreasonable to lie to everyone.

They absolutely can be. Depends on the country. We got married overseas and completely accepted legally in the UK. It was part of our research when deciding on the destination to work out the legal side of it

Why should we not be able to have the wedding we want just because we have children we need to protect legally

You can. Just don't lie about you being married for 2 years.

Have a quiet legal ceremony now "family celebration" party in 2 years time.

Yes, we looked into trying to replicate the legal/economic benefits because I wasn't keen on marriage and at the time, civil partnerships were not allowed for straight couples -- but it was so much easier to just get married that we did. And promptly forgot about it.

If you were honest about it I wouldn’t care.

Inheritance tax benefits can’t be replicated. Plus wills can be changed.
It’s often cheaper to do civil partnership or registry office marriage than try and draw up documents to try and replicate some of the legal protections.
Biggest uptake of opposite sex civil partnerships is older couples just doing it as part of estate planning.

You didn't need to point out that you're a millennial🙄🤣

This ^^.

Look - we wanted to get married so we would all have matching names on the birth certificate when baby was born (I was 8.5 months prego when we did it!) but couldn't afford a big wedding - not in money or time or stress which I didn't want being so pregnant! So we had 2 witnesses and went for a lovely celebration lunch at a Michelin-starred restaurant for the 4 of us (I didn't get to drink the champagne but the rest of them made up for it!).

I then changed my name and relationship status on FB and posted a new profile pic of us on the day. That was how I announced it to everyone (after telling our parents!).

5 years later we had a 'renewal of vows' that our family, friends and kids attended - it actually meant more 5 years on - and we had a party in a nearby venue. I didn't even say it was a wedding party because we all know they hike costs up for weddings. We already had most things we needed so we didn't ask for presents but people brought loads of nice booze ;)

You can do whatever you want to do but like everyone else said, why lie to your nearest and dearest?!

A loss of a weekend to see a good friend get married ?? Wow that is such a sad attitude and not something I've ever heard in real.life.

I hope they refuse the invitation and let the place go yo someone less cynical.

Why wouldn't you save yourself the time and lying and just legally draw up a will/document to divide assets? It's the same thing without getting married.

Two years seems a pretty excessive time to wait.. unless it is completely crucial for saving purposes. I think the longer you give yourselves to plan, the more you end up spending, you keep spotting extra bits and pieces which you then decide you simply must have! I got engaged in the November and married the following July. That was perfect, we had to be efficient and the excitement didn’t wane, nor did the planning phase feel endless. Ultimately of course it’s your choice!
With all that being said, I wouldn’t do anything secretly. If it were me, I’d get married this autumn in a small ceremony with just the children and, say, parents and siblings/their children. Maybe a best friend or two. I wouldn’t keep it secret then I’d throw a wedding party (no service then as it would feel a bit performative for me!) the next year, late summer perhaps? Could that be a middle ground?

Gosh..nice friends they are. Honestly, what would the count as a not lost weekend? Sitting at home watching tv? I get it that you need those weekends as well, but how sad to think that about weddings of people who assumably are meant to be good friends. I just can’t understand this attitude that seems to be common these days.

Why do it at all then. Is it the gifts - it can’t be to get family and friends together as you will have two christmases and countless opportunities between now and then to do that

I’d be annoyed if I’d been lied to. If you are doing the 2028 plan you need to be clear it’s a blessing or celebration party.
I went to a wedding years ago. It was in a tent outside (was before law changed and you needed to legally marry in a permanent structure) I can remember sitting there waiting for it to start and saying to dh this isn’t legal.
The humanist celebrant said something like A& B legally married on Friday but they consider this to be their wedding day. They obviously hadn’t told anyone and there was a noticeable deflation in atmosphere and a wtf type response. It was a few years ago so maybe times have changed but I’ve never forgotten it.

Outfits
Possibly also hair/make up
travel
accommodation
holiday/unpaid leave from work
child &/or pet care
drinks at the reception at wedding venue prices

it doesn't matter what the B&G spend per head, that doesnt reimburse the guests.

Same - I bloody love a wedding! I don't care if it's a wedding party after couple eloped or the full shebang. You want me to get dolled up, have a knees up and spend the day with friends and family? Sounds joyful to me!