AIBU to marry secretly now and hold a wedding in 2028?

You’re not being unreasonable. My aunt actually did this and held the wedding party exactly one year later so the anniversary was the same.
BUT you need to 💯 commit to the wedding party actually happening. Otherwise it’s very weird to just let it drag out for another 6-7 years, then you start mentioning it to people and the and everyone is confused (and close family/friends would likely be hurt and offended you didn’t tell them/lied to them)

Honestly don't get the comments about being fucked off. They are the types that would be pissed off regardless.
I wouldn't hide the fact though, it seems pointless. I do like the suggestion of a civil ceremony so it's less wedding-y.
If its what you want and makes you happy do it, if people are fucked off, it let's you know who to distance yourself from because who needs those types in your life!

My DD and DSIL married in DSIL's home town just at the end of Covid restrictions.Only immediate family cd be present. It was sweet and lovely. Extremely low-key.
Two years later, using money they'd saved + that gifted from parents, DD & DSIL organised a lake-side beach party, with outstanding barbecue-and-buffet-food providers, a great band and a (really good) karaoke. It started early afternoon and went on till v. late. People came from all over. Everyone had a fab time. It was a wonderful celebration of friends & family, from each side, coming together. No wedding gifts were expected. The presence of guests, many of whom travelled from different countries & paid for their travel & accommodation, was enough. Next day, back at DD & DSIL's house, there was open-house breakfast for anyone still around, using up left-overs from the party + fresh croissants, with lots of coffee, generally hanging out quietly, gossiping and exchanging, in the house and in the garden. It was lovely.

Maybe this could be a model for OP and her DP?

Absolutely. OP insists her family will be upset whatever she does but most other guests won't care. So why not just be honest? Rather than risk offending some who won't mind that they are having a celebration 2 years after the marriage but might mind that they're being made fools of.

Weird. Just get married.

Not sure if this has already been posted (lots of posts) but the law has changed and you can have a civil partnership now.

Honestly you have kids and a home already. Elope and have a party afterward.

You’ll have the small ceremony and then in two years time wouldn’t even want to do a big celebration because you’d have been married already for so many years and will think what’s the point in spending so much money! Don’t spend so much money on a big celebration! I did it and regret it, spend that money on like 8 holidays or down payment for a house!

But weddings are always a difficult one for family as people feel obliged to go. I’m surprised that there are so many women with main character syndrome that they have to lie to people to get them to come to a party

I got married in a registry office then had a party. Do that instead.

I did just that. Had booked the church for the next year. Then got pregnant so had a word with the vicar who was happy for us to have the 'wedding' in church where we would go into the registry(after the baby was born) just to sign the register and had photos in there etc. No one had any idea but my baby was born in 'Wedlock. What does it matter if youre already legally married if all the friends and family you wanted to share the BIG day with were invited to the 'Blessing' a couple of years later. And no we didn't tell anyone and as far as I know there were no spiteful comments or bad feelings. I dont understand why friends or family would be pissed off being invited to the Blessing of your wedding 2 yrs later....its clear youre not doing it for the gifts as it costs a lot more to put on a wedding! Actually we mentioned on the invites that as we already had a house, no presents were needed, just wanted to share the day with loved ones. Go for it!! abd Good Luck to you all.

I completely understand your reasons for not wanting to wait any longer, you've already waited a long time.
Personally I'd just get married quietly, in whatever way you can afford now. With your family and closest friends present. Then in X years, if you still want a big party/wedding do a vow renewal or big anniversary party and go for it.
Otherwise you're going to have to lie to your children, family and friends and they will find out eventually. These things rarely stay a secret. There will be very pissed off people who will not forgive you.
If you want to get married and it's important to you, do it. Don't wait, and don't lie.

This is coming across like you want to “have your cake and eat it too?” You want all the fuss and expense of a big day that involves a year or more of planning, but you want to be married immediately.

It’s not okay to get married in secret and then two years down the line have a wedding as if you’re not already married - just because you still want all the attention as if you are a new bride. For the rest of your life you’d be celebrating big anniversaries on the wrong year and it’s just a weird thing to do to your respective families?

I might’ve been more sympathetic if you hadn’t have been sniffy and rude about simple registry office weddings. You just sound very very immature to be honest. Good luck to your groom 🤷🏽‍♂️

This wouldn’t bother me as I guest but I’d consider it a bit strange and a waste of your money. I think the best suggestion you’ve had is to have a civil partnership now and get married in 2028.

You're worried enough about money to get married but you're happily waiting 2 years to save enough money to hold a fancy fake celebration? Just get married and do it without the fuss.

You can have civil partnerships with opposite sex couples. The law was changed quite a long time ago.

"A civil partnership is a legally recognized relationship available to same-sex and opposite-sex couples that grants them the same fundamental legal rights, benefits, and responsibilities as marriage. It offers an alternative for couples who wish to formalize their commitment but avoid the religious connotations and ceremonial vows associated with traditional marriage.

Key Characteristics
Formation: Created by signing a civil partnership document in front of a registrar and two witnesses, without the mandatory exchange of religious vows.
Eligibility: Available to any two people aged 16 or over who are not already married or in a civil partnership and are not closely related.
Dissolution: Can only be ended legally through a formal court order (dissolution) after the partnership has lasted for at least one year. " Google AI

I find it deeply bizarre you are checking couples for appropriate levels of 'emotion' to see if they're really getting married or not. The day DH and I got married, we were both mad busy with important work projects coming to an end, and as marriage was primarily an admin thing to us, and we'd been together very happily for many years, I don't think either of us was remotely 'emotional'.

Why not have a civil partnership now? It will give you all the rights and obligations you are looking for, you can mention it to others and you can still have a real wedding in 2028.

It's up to you. If you get married now, it's the reception you are holding in 2028.

Get married asap then have a party as soon as you can afford it …… preferably not in 2 years.

My friend did similar, married in secret and wed years later. The person doing the ceremony had to change the language as they were officially married (I noticed as I knew I don't think anyone else did).

But I had a friend whose hubby to be was from overseas and they had two weddings to save everyone travelling. I was a bridesmaid for the 2nd wedding - it was really obvious not so emotional for the couple on the day as they were already married in their eyes.

@Wededed just have a wee regisrty wedding, and spend the money on yiur family, weddings now a days are do expensive for just one day.

Very much coming across as more interested in the wedding than the marriage.

I do find it silly when normal people drop 20/30k plus on a wedding once they already have children and a house. Surely you’ve got better things to drop such silly amounts of money on.

How will you expect your children to keep it secret?

And as several people have wondered, what happens if you split before the fake wedding? Are you going to conceal a potential divorce too?

It amazes me how much main character energy some people have

A wedding perhaps where you actually, ya know, get married. Why are you in so much hurry to get married but want to wait a couple of years until you tell people (once they have had to pay out to travel etc)?

Kindly, get over yourself. Have a quick wedding in your lunch hour or whatever and put the money towards something else.