AIBU to marry secretly now and hold a wedding in 2028?

Every one knows abroad weddings aren’t legal.

I recall Jerry Hall and Mick Jagger getting caught out like that, but since then everyone else has been more careful with the paperwork.

Just a thought though - if you were to get married imminently, and keep it a secret, could it cause complications if anything happened to both of you? Heaven forbid you were both in a plane crash, then anyone trying to sort out your affairs would be very confused. Or even if something happened to one of you - the other would be the legal next of kin, but that could be awkward if other family members didn't know you were married?

I think it is so fake and deceitful-

To go in front of everyone in-presumably a white dress and exchange rings and say sacred vows when you have actually been married for 2 years is completely out of order. Let people take off work, travel, buy outfits, wedding gifts etc thinking they are a part of your special day when they aren't.

If I was your friend and you had kept that from me for 2 years I would be so hurt and it seems a terrible way to start your fake married life.

Get married when you want and re-new your vows or just wear a white dress and have a party in 2 years but I think you'd be completely wrong to do it the way you suggest.

The conversion from CP to marriage is allowed for same sex couples who entered a CP before same sex marriage was legal.

I genuinely don't understand people saying they would be upset to be invited to a wedding party that wasn't a wedding.
If the couple aren't important enough to you to celebrate unless there's a legal ceremony, then why go anyway?

Having said that, I wouldn't lie OP. I recently got married for the second time with just our adult kids and my best mate there. And announced on FB the next day! It was for inheritance reasons (we are both still leaving assets to our kids but wanted to do new wills to protect each other as well and didn't want to pay out for one set now and then get them invalidated by new marriage) and healthcare - his relationship with child can be problematic and so he didn't want them to be responsible for turning off life support. And my parents would have still wanted to get overly involved in wedding planning and have traditions so we didn't want to give them that chance.

We will be having a big party to celebrate our togetherness in a couple of years - not asking for gifts - just asking people to come and be happy for us and drink and dance

This. Just get married in a registry office and have a party the same day/month.

My non-married friends threw a fabulous party to celebrate their 10 year anniversary.

2 years is ridiculous.

Just get married and have a small do.

Why save for years and have a massive 'do' when you already have a family, joint assets etc.

Marriage is a legal and financial partnership - if you need that now, do it now.

Inviting people to celebrate a marriage that happened 2 years ago is ridiculous. But it would be shocking to lie to people.

Having a small wedding is a perfectly sensible idea, but keeping it secret is just daft.

The whole things sounds ridiculous to me.

By all means have a party whenever it suits you, but it's not a wedding.

I'm you'd think it an over reacrion, but I'd be very hurt to discover that level of deception from a close friend or relative too.

Sounds like a good idea but in reality the civil partnership needs to be officially and legally ended before you can marry unless your same sex partnership. I’d just slip off and get married and then have a big party later to announce to friends and family.

Just why? doesnt make any sense to me - get married if you want to, have a party if you want to , save the money and deception, takes off all the pressure - job done.

@Wededed why would you not just be honest? Get married legally now and do a celebration in 2028. Why lie?

Just get married quietly in the register office and then have a party. I would be a bit cross if I attended a wedding when the couple were already married, I realise that in some countries a civil ceremony has to take place prior to any religious ceremony.

Had a sibling do this. The party celebration was a great night. None of the waiting around or expensive table decorations or seat covers that come with weddings. No table seating drama, Just good food, a few speeches and a great band. Still had a photographer and the traditional speeches but it was alot more relaxed and it worked really well.

Good God, just get married!

I agree with this - just do it but be honest “party will follow… 2028”

We did the legal bit in 2020 just us at the registry office when our wedding was cancelled due to COVID - we wanted the legal protections in place before we started a family and didn't want to put that on hold. Had the "wedding" itself last year, 5 years later. Nobody overtly told us or implied that this was an unreasonable thing to do! We did a ceremony still, guess it was like a vow renewal.

We told everyone we'd done the legal bit though and changed our names etc. I wouldn't lie about that bit, that does make it a bit weird.

You could invite your closest family to the registry office bit if it's important to them (and you) to see the legal bit happen? Where I live you have the option of doing it as just the couple and the 2 witnesses, or there was an option to have 10 guests in a bigger room.

ETA sorry OP just read your bit about your parents being a nightmare, so ignore the para above as that clearly isn't something you want!
I would just be very matter of fact with your parents about doing the legal bit for the legal protection only and say you're pretending like that hasn't happened yourselves, so you're only inviting your friends to witness it and not making a big deal about it.

I have no idea why people would be so pissed off. You legally get married but save for the celebration - weddings are expensive!

But as people are apparently keen to take such an action as a personal insult, maybe call the celebration a wedding celebration rather than just a wedding. It’s the celebration of your wedding, even though it’s delayed. Or massively scale it down and do something affordable.

People renew their vows all the time, how is this any different?

If it's a vow renewal, people will know. It will be written on the invitation! So everyone will have an informed choice as to whether to attend or not. I've been to a lot of friends weddings. I doubt I would go to a vow renewal. Particularly as I'd be wondering which of them had cheated.

I would really pissed off if I later found out you had lied for 2 years about being married.
I would prefer to celebrate your 2nd anniversary in style, than celebrate a pretend wedding.

Friends got married quietly, not secretly because the husband narrowly missed getting blown to smithereens in a foreign country. That was his career. They had serious assets.

They married in Australia because family members were there. Came back with a BBQ organised on a farm for other family and friends. It was a lovely evening.