AIBU to marry secretly now and hold a wedding in 2028?

I would attend any number of wedding celebrations or parties. I'd understand if the couple had done the legal statements and paperwork 2 years earlier. I'd probably be moved by them exchanging rings for the first time and making public declarations and promises. I'd not care how long they'd lived together or whether they had children.

But I wouldn't expect any of my friends to lie to me about something like this. Nothing weird about that imo

That’s quite unusual though. Surely weddings are to witness a couple getting married and celebrating the day with them.

You can either get married and have a party further down the line or make your children lie for you just because you want the princess thing.

And to those saying the lie will continue, all the anniversaries etc. I wasn’t planning on counting from 1 anyway 😂 2028 will be a nice round number for us to count from.

Eh 🤯

And yes how are you planning to broach this with your kids? If you tell them I can’t see any way in which they won’t let the cat out of the bag before the CosWedding anyway.

Not always true
We were married abroad and are very much legally married in the eyes of the U.K. government

Just do the legal bit now and have a blessing/party later. Honestly it's just cringeworthy to lie about it.

Wait a year have a smaller wedding. I would not save for two years to blow it in a party.

Why would you put everyone to the expense and hassle of attending your wedding in a couple of years, just for them to find out that you are already married?

Have a quiet registry office do if you need to and say to people that you really couldn’t wait. It sounds like you want to protect yourselves but you also want the big wedding.

It’s the kids factor im curious about. You’ll have to tell them to not breathe a word about it.

Why am I not allowed to be a princess! And why can’t we have a special day!

Of course you can. But you can’t have a cosplay wedding and make your family and friends unwittingly go along with it in the process.

I wonder if you could even find an officiant to do this TBH- they would have to word it very carefully I would imagine. And it’s just such nonsense “you may now kiss the bride… oh you have been doing that for the last 2 years”! Wouldn’t you feel completely embarrassed?

Has anyone suggested this?

Hooray you have found your perfect venue! Book the first date they have available. Tailor everything else to the budget you can save by that date.

(As a bonus, make the same savings plan as you would have had up to summer 2028. You now have nice savings that you have not splurged on a single day!)

Friends and family being there, if you want them, is the main thing. A nice location does make a difference. The quality of the food, the photos, all the other trinkets, really do not. As for dress you will never wear again.... hit vinted, move to the shopping topics here, you can find something similar to what you want for a bargain if you try. You're just as much a princess for a day on cheap bubbles as you are on premium champagne.

Are you planning to lie to your family and the rest of the guests? Refuse to change your name or wear rings until the wedding in 2028?

If not, then your plan is very different to the OP's.

I wasn’t planning on counting from 1 anyway 😂 2028 will be a nice round number for us to count from.

you plan on counting from the 2nd anniversary of your marriage? This is getting stranger and stranger

I personally don’t see it as a problem, a lot of people on here are mean about weddings.

Maybe you could be honest? Say you want the legal bit out of the way and you want to celebrate when you’ve saved. A lot of people would understand. Then you can probably save money by making it less “wedding” and more a party to celebrate

Will you tell your kids to lie to family and friends? Or at least not say a word about it @Wededed ?

At that point, the wedding is just a party. Get married at the registry office and have the party now. A buffet and a cash bar will some fizz for a toast. Honestly, I had a big fancy wedding and it was lovely, but it was only lovely because I have family money and didn’t pay a penny for it. If I was paying for it myself, it would have been a cheap and cheerful one because the party really doesn’t matter one bit.

I know someone who had a ‘wedding’ that wasn’t a wedding. She’s now had not one, not two, but three of them! All because they weren’t actually her wedding and she felt disappointed that the non-wedding wedding wasn’t wedding enough. So she keeps having another one every few years. Same man, same guests, slightly different venue and food. It’s weird. It’s meant to be a celebration of your marriage, which sounds already way overdue, so get married and have a little celebration. Put that money towards your house or your kids’ uni fund.

This is our plan too. We've been engaged since 2017 and just never have the time or money for the "party" so plan on just doing it alone for the reasons you mentioned, mostly just security and then have a wedding/party in 2028.

Why? Have a smaller wedding or wait. No one will appreciate the surprise when they’ve forked out for a fake hen party and wedding.

wedding now & celebration in 2028 is fine, but not the lies/secrecy. Be clear that your “do” in 2028 is a celebration of your wedding. You could have a blessing & reaffirm your vows, but I’d make it clear that the legal part will have already taken place (you don’t have to specify how far in advance the legal part was).
Up to you whether you use a married name/rings beforehand or choose your 2028 date to start doing that. Check the legalities on name changes though.
You can then choose which date you want to use as your anniversary day.

My cousin got married in Jamaica and it’s recognised legally in the UK (she checked that before arranging).

I’ve just googled and found:

Yes, a legally performed wedding in Jamaica is recognized as valid in the UK. You do not need to register your Jamaican marriage in the UK, as long as it was legally contracted according to Jamaican law.

They were certain things they had to do such as they had to be in Jamaica for a certain amount of time before the ceremony (48 hours I think she said)
I guess thousands get married abroad every year; if it wasn’t recognised or loads of admin after not many people would do it

I’ve voted YABU cos of the expense.

why not quietly marry now, and throw a party whenever to celebrate it, without saving up for two years for a show that is just a show?

As an analogy, imagine if someone did this for a funeral. And everyone attended the funeral and went through the whole ceremony, only to find that the coffin was empty and the person had in fact been buried 2 weeks earlier. Would that be fine?

In the alternative, if you were honest and said “small family funeral but celebration of life/ larger church service 2 weeks later” that would obviously be fine.

For some not-very-easy to comprehend reasons, it being the ACTUAL wedding does matter.

This.

Don't treat your family and friends like fools.