AIBU to marry secretly now and hold a wedding in 2028?

This thread is wild. I can’t get my head around why it matters whether the legal part is done before the wedding party or not. I can’t ever imagine being even the slightest bit offended / upset by this.

I would do whatever makes you happy and totally understand why you’d want to bring the legal bit forward from a practical point of view. Unfortunately the country isn’t set up for those of us who cohabit, although it sounds like the government are rethinking this - a consultation opened on June 5th on this subject.

Absolutely bizarre!! You can't afford the big insta wedding you want, you have 2 children. Just get married if being married is important to you.

If you want loads of attention 2 yrs later just own it and have a party. Lying about it to everyone makes you look bonkers.

For a marriage to be legal the civil part is the legal bit. In the UK and Ireland when you get married in “church” it compromises two parts. Civil and religious. Many people do not realise this. In France and other countries you have to get “legally*” married in the town hall/legal registry office, followed by a “marriage” before a priest in the church.

At my actual marriage in Ireland our wedding guests could not understand how we were married as we didn’t do it in a church!

You’re friends weddings abroad saved on hassle by legally marrying in the UK (to get the actual legacy’s sorted) and then having a “church” or “event place” abroad to celebrate with family.

You’re disrespectful in the extreme by imagining your wedding won’t be destroyed when your guests find out you’ve been actually married two years. All because you want to be a “princess”. That’s not what a wedding is about.

You’re also incorrect to state people can’t get legally married abroad. Many Irish have been getting legally married in church’s in Rome, Italy, for decades… You must comply with both the legal, and church requirements to do so…

*not just CofE or Catholic, off the top of my head I can’t remember all of them… but the usuals…

This is a pretty bleak view...

Like a PP said, what if you aren’t still together then?

Well at least you now know over 50% of your guests would think YABU which would probably put a bit of a downer on the whole thing.

Either cut the costs down and get married sooner or get married now and host a party to celebrate in the future.

Don’t tell people you are getting married when you are already married though.

You can't afford it, you want people to bring presents and you want to feel like a princess. I mean your owning it, you do you.

I'd separate the legal wedding and the wedding celebration. But I wouldn't keep it a secret.

In 2 years time, you might be divorced by then……

My cousin did this a few years ago. They had a church ceremony and at the altar the vicar announced this was actually their 2nd wedding anniversary they had married 2 years prior around when his mother was very sick. Only their parents and siblings knew.

It was very well received as if they had played a huge joke on everyone.

Totally agree. The effort it takes to attend weddings should not be overlooked. New outfits, accommodation, child care, travel, £100 gift. Then to find out they’ve been married for two years! I’d be very fucked off indeed.

It’s a marriage that’s important, not an expensive, showy wedding.

I have a friend who is a celebrant. Legally, she has to say if the ceremony she is performing is not an actual marriage. However, if you are honest that you are having a renewal of vows/wedding reception/celebration of your marriage then any Tom, Dick or Harry can say whatever words you like. You can include the wedding service bits you like, save money by having a friend rather than a vicar or registrar. Just be honest with your guests. What happens years down the line when your DC can't find confirmation of your marriage because they don't know the date?

(One of my DC had a wedding booked in the summer of 2020! Ended up with a registry office ceremony, with 4 parents in attendance. A year later they were able to have the wedding reception they wanted. Nobody was lied to, nobody felt cheated, nobody thought they couldn't wear a big white dress or serve a wedding cake.)

Only two of a dozen weddings I have been to in the past decade have actually been THE ‘wedding’.

well putting aside the clear exaggeration in this comment, in these 22 weddings you attended which were parties because the marriage had happened before…. Did the couple keep silent about it for 2 years and no one knew on the day itself it wasn’t “real”?

if not, how did you find out @Wededed ?

I love these ones the best.
OP - AIBU?
Everyone - YES
OP - No I’m not (spits out dummy)
Everyone - 🙄🤣

So if you don’t worry about what other people think (quite rightly) why would you not just be honest?

I think it’s absolutely fine! I wouldn’t worry what people think tbh.

How young? Because attending their parents wedding and not once mentioning it to family or friends… the eldest can’t be older than 2

I’m afraid this reminds me of the huge show put on by Sting and Trudie back in the 90s.
Together 10 years (she was the OW in his divorce) with children and after a registry office ceremony for some reason they had to do the white horse, poofy dress and celebrity guest list, too.

Getting married is about the emotional and legal commitment you make to each other. Keeping it secret (lying by omission) goes against all that. Do it whenever you want but spare everyone the belated “look at us” charade.

Have a small wedding soon with people who REALLY matter to you. Take the money you would have spent on an overpriced venue, entertaining people who are just acquaintances, and a dress you will never wear again, and pay a lump off your mortgage.

Can you not see a solicitor & get wills etc made to protect you all now? Then plan your big day. I think it’s a bit strange to hold a wedding 2 yrs after the marriage. And all the secrecy would be stressful.

A wedding isn't a wedding if you're already married, it's a party. It's absolutely fine to invite people to a celebration of your marriage. It's very deceitful to send out wedding invites and have everyone go to the expense of attending when you're already married.