AIBU to marry secretly now and hold a wedding in 2028?

I bet / hope you have had second thoughts about this weird / daft idea since leaving this thread @Wededed ?

There is no difference whatsoever. That was your wedding. It is irrelevant how big the affair was or how fancy the dress was! If you had chosen to celebrate afterwards with a big party, that would have been a party. It wouldn't have been your wedding.

This is the point. I know of a few people that have had a small or abroad ceremony and a party later, or a blessing, I don’t know of anyone who’s got married, not told anyone, not worn rings etc and then lied to everybody they know about it, to then have a fake wedding two years later.

But if allegedly most of the weddings OP has been to have been something like this then none of them will find it remotely strange 🤣

Get married now, the way the law is written it makes sense to do this. But please don’t change your name. I can’t believe in 2026 women are still changing their names. Do you really want a big expensive Wedding show in 2 years? Most weddings are absolutely awful and a complete pain to attend. Just live your lives.

You could get married now and throw a celebration party rather than a whole wedding do.

I would say a wedding is when you get married. If you get married, then have a fake wedding a couple years later, it's not a wedding, it's a party.

She said it's common among her friends to have fake weddings where they've already been married. I don't know anyone who's done that. Much less lie to people for 2 years.

I do know people who wanted a big party down the road but they did a vow renewal and no gifts.

We did the same with two witnesses, and took them for lunch afterwards. I suppose I don't think of us as having had 'a wedding' as such (we were both mad busy and just crammed it in at short notice without much thought when a cancellation came up at our local register office), but equally, I could see someone else, perfectly legitimately, regarding the same ceremony as a wedding.

I wouldn't say 'our wedding day', I'd say 'the day we got married'.

I'm probably being thick, but could anyone explain to me the difference between a wedding and getting married? DH and I married in a register office, I considered it to be our wedding. Is it that only a huge affair with an elaborate dress is a wedding? 😕

Get married now in a registry office. Have a big party whenever you like but don't call it a wedding because it's not

Don’t lie, or keep it a secret. What’s the point in the ‘big’ wedding if it’s not your wedding. Just get married then if you want a big celebration with many just have a party x

No one will know, most people can’t spot the difference between a humanist wedding and a legal civil ceremony. The celebrant can and will keep it all looking very close to a legal ceremony and to all intents and purposes THAT will be your wedding. Many people go to the registry office in jeans because their chosen venue meant legal ceremonies weren’t possible or they couldn’t get a registrar for their desired time slot. If anyone spots it just say you ‘did the legal bit the day before’
legal protection for you and the kids beats worrying about such things.
almost everyone on the thread will have been to a non legal ceremony at one point and won’t have even realised

Don't you think it might be sensible to rea, at least, the OP's posts before jumping on to a 24 page long thread ?

You get that you can click 'See all' on the OP and it will show you at a glance all comments the OP has made, without having to trudge through 24 pages?

Makes sense/has happened to me as well.

I was initially also somewhat surprised that OP‘s first instinct was to hide the wedding/have a secret wedding.

But her comments about her parents being quite „difficult“ made me wonder whether they had brought her up to hide and keep things secret to avoid repercussions/to prevent a reaction?
That kind of „conditioning“ can be very hard to break. (I might be completely wrong btw…

I haven't seen these other comments from OP, just the original post...discussion now runs to 24 pages so I may have just missed them.

OP has repeatedly said that a small wedding with friends and family would be a nightmare due to her parents.

They want to have a large wedding to dilute their presence…

Can an opposite sex civil union be converted to a marriage in the UK?

they could go to the registry office for their civil union (easily explain to friends / family that this is purely for legal reasons) and get married properly in 2 years.

Do the ring exchange (if both partners decide to wear rings) in 2 years, change surname (if that’s what they want) in 2 years etc…

If there are some religious or cultural traditions they‘ll be observing during the wedding ceremony in two years?
That could also strengthen the case of this being a „real wedding“…

The point of a wedding isn't the extravagance to impress your guests. Have a smaller venue/ wedding earlier with close family and friends.

Have a big bash in a year or a couple of years could mean instead you could do a renewal of vows with a larger crowd and / or then the party to celebrate your anniversary instead if you want a big party to mark it but can't afford what you want now.

I haven’t read the full thread, so apologies if this has already been suggested. But why not get married in the registry office now and tell everyone the reason why. Then in 2028 have a vow renewal in front of your friends and family where you can have the big ceremony & reception?

I think you might deflate the day for yourself. There was a fantastic feeling of being married for me and it was done. I did have a big white wedding which was fun (before kids) but the marriage was the most important part for me and after, I wanted to move on with our married life. I could not have celebrated two years later as like on the day. You can get some great deals on short notice or twilight weddings without all the secrecy, expense and dragging things on.

They most certainly are in my experience. I've never heard of anyone doing this.

I wouldn't want to have to lie about it, personally. It's an unnecessary complication. Would you be keeping this secret forever?

That said, I do think that it's a bit silly for people to act as though going to a wedding two years after the legal marriage ceremony took place is pointless or less worthy of attending, considering that even if you had the big wedding tomorrow, you've already been living together for years and have multiple children together. That's just as nearly married as you can be without making it official, surely. Why would anyone really care whether they're attending the legal wedding or the 'celebration wedding', assuming you only have one big party for it? I'd probably think it was odd, if I knew, but it's not like you're trying to trick people into giving you extra wedding gifts or something. One couple, one wedding. Some have vow renewals, and people attend those (albeit perhaps grudgingly in some cases).

Because, as plenty of people have said, weddings come with expense and sometimes a certain amount of obligation.

Very different to a party two years down the line.