to ask how to deal with family criticism over sending our child to a private school?

We have cut a few arseholes out of our life, so we are capable of dealing with them and aren’t ‘lettuces’ as a pp said, but I’m trying to be more tolerant of family, so that my children get to keep their cousins, who they are close to, in their life. This is also the first time we’ve ever had any issues, we’ve never argued before, they’ve always been good to us as we have been to them.

We have cut a few arseholes out of our life, so we are capable of dealing with them and aren’t ‘lettuces’ as a pp said, but I’m trying to be more tolerant of family, so that my children get to keep their cousins, who they are close to, in their life. This is also the first time we’ve ever had any issues, we’ve never argued before, they’ve always been good to us as we have been to them.

Of course you didn’t/don’t…. That’s the point?!

Look, I’m sure you’re not at all detached or patronising (although the thread hunting behaviour was slightly uncalled for) I’m just raising the prospect that this is what the OP’s ILs are likely most worried about for the cousins. I would be concerned too because I’ve experienced so much of it during my career.

I cannot fathom two adults tolerating this from family.
We privately educated our children and it never came up even once amongst family, ever.
Why would it?
It's no one's business what we do.

Clearly it's none of their business but why hasn't your husband sorted out his rude, ignorant family?

Only rude, ignorant people persist with their unasked for views.

Your boundaries are poor and they have zero respect for you or your choices.

You are allowing them to behave badly to protect a relationship that they clearly don't care do likewise for.

Sort out your boundaries and stop seeing them until the get it, or carry on as you are.

You are rearing your children in a very poor environment and this won't be the last time your poor boundaries are an issue.

I did nothing outside all the amazing extra curricular stuff at my private schools.

I can assure you i don’t feel socially isolated 😂

Well you’ve answered my comment to the OP. You’re doing loads around that to prevent the lack of integration - so that’s great. A lot of parents don’t because they have all the extra during the long school hours.

BTW both my kids are in state and I don’t recognise some of the threads on here at all. It’s all outlier stuff. Contented people don’t post.

It’s my parents in law and brother in law. My children are very close to my brother in laws children so I don’t want a family fall out. My children and his would be very upset if they didn’t see each other.

I know but I don’t want any of the children to be upset. They have always spent a lot of time together so I would hate that to change, but I think that’s what we are facing. I know they are the ones in the wrong but I’m gutted that something like this could cause such a problem.

You’ve got your reasons OP. You’re the parents. Just keep quiet and carry on.

Well you’ve answered my comment to the OP. You’re doing loads around that to prevent the lack of integration - so that’s great. A lot of parents don’t because they have all the extra during the long school hours.

BTW both my kids are in state and I don’t recognise some of the threads on here at all. It’s all outlier stuff. Contented people don’t post.

I cannot fathom two adults tolerating this from family.
We privately educated our children and it never came up even once amongst family, ever.
Why would it?
It's no one's business what we do.

Clearly it's none of their business but why hasn't your husband sorted out his rude, ignorant family?

Only rude, ignorant people persist with their unasked for views.

Your boundaries are poor and they have zero respect for you or your choices.

You are allowing them to behave badly to protect a relationship that they clearly don't care do likewise for.

Sort out your boundaries and stop seeing them until the get it, or carry on as you are.

You are rearing your children in a very poor environment and this won't be the last time your poor boundaries are an issue.

What really damages children is parents in unhappy marriages remaining together…

They have actually criticised our parenting on this, not just our politics, because they have specifically said we are making the wrong choice for our child, that we will be responsible for making her think she’s better than others by sending her there, that we will be making her entitled, that we could spend the money on other things which they feel are better, that we are cruel making her have a longer school day and much more.

They are entitled to all those opinions, but saying these things over and over isn’t acceptable when they have been asked to stop.

Haha what a load of guff.

How on earth are they totally isolated when they (usually) do extra curricular sporting etc activities outside of school with children from all backgrounds, spend time with family from all financial backgrounds and can be (as in my case) brought up by state educated parents?

God knows who you are meeting.

The threads on here about the significant issues with state education are eye-opening. No thanks.

I know but I don’t want any of the children to be upset. They have always spent a lot of time together so I would hate that to change, but I think that’s what we are facing. I know they are the ones in the wrong but I’m gutted that something like this could cause such a problem.

They have actually criticised our parenting on this, not just our politics, because they have specifically said we are making the wrong choice for our child, that we will be responsible for making her think she’s better than others by sending her there, that we will be making her entitled, that we could spend the money on other things which they feel are better, that we are cruel making her have a longer school day and much more.

They are entitled to all those opinions, but saying these things over and over isn’t acceptable when they have been asked to stop.

I believe you. And I’m sure you have a fantastic local
community.

I also work with a fuck ton of privately educated people who display giant ignorance about a whole range of things on the daily.

One recently “didn’t believe me” that a friend of mine with a masters degree lives in social housing, because “she wouldn’t qualify”. This is not an unusual comment.

Social isolation? Oh don’t be silly

I was privately educated 4-18.

very broad range of friends and colleagues

It’s my parents in law and brother in law. My children are very close to my brother in laws children so I don’t want a family fall out. My children and his would be very upset if they didn’t see each other.