to ask how to deal with family criticism over sending our child to a private school?

Well no they're not.

I teach in an outstanding state comp and they are exposed to only those with well off (can afford a house within 900 metres of a sought after school) and fortunate (managed to secure social housing within 900 metres of a sought after school) plus a group with EHCP and a few with special status (looked after or formerly looked after, single figures).

That's not "diverse". They nearly all know each other from primary!

But they've made the decision! The place will have been accepted and the deposit paid!

I sent both my kids private. My father and twin sister kept telling me I was an idiot because I was paying for something again which I had already paid for in my taxes. I just agreed and said ok. Now I’ve got two kids who went to uni and both have fabulous careers. Sister has one that works in a shop, one who is a single mum after dropping out of uni twice and one that may have a half decent carreer if you try to be kind. My father is now VERY in favour of private schools…….

Hear them out, then say " thanks for your input" and change the subject. I've used this a few times, works a treat!!

What inverse snobbery.

What does it matter to them? Your kids will fair better privately educated.

have some stock answers

you're beginning to sound like a broken record
you're welcome to your opinion, but I'm also entitled to mine
Nothing you say is going to change my mind about our Childs education, you're wasting your breath

My ex MIL didn't agree with university education, or grammar schools and certainly not private education. The only one in my ex's side of the family with a degree was my FIL. My ex barely scrapped 2 A-levels.

I went to grammar school, and uni, so did my sisters, so do my sisters children, and my children go to private school. My mum and dad went to grammar school, but not university (had to go straight to work) We are from very different backgrounds (she's middle class, my family is working class done well). She doesn't approve of my choices at all, which is why it's actually quite handy that my ex doesn't bother very much with the kids, so I don't need to bother with her and her 'innocent' questions about my children's education.

As to diversity - at my son's school there's children from all over the world - although yes, generally quite affluent. At my son's best friends school it's largely ethnically homogenous, with people all from the same locality - so I'd actually say that it's swings and roundabouts regarding who's being exposed to more diversity.

It’s not completely different at all.

Posts like this make me so glad I send my children to private school. This narrow thinking is exactly what I want to avoid.

“This is our decision for our children. It will not change. It is not up for discussion.”

That’s completely different and you know it.

I can’t afford a membership at my local David Lloyd so I go to a cheaper gym.
The facilities are shabbier, less exclusive etc but it isn’t going to make a fundamental difference to my life and like chances.
Going to a gym/health club/private members club is a choice.

Education isn’t and all should have equal access to a well funded education that can meet their needs well.

Well state school is attended 93 per cent of the country’s children (possibly 94 per cent this cohort). So they’re exposed to the vast majority of people.

Apparently teachers at private schools do not need to be qualified, do not need a degree, need only fortitude and to dress well. Can this be true, is this why so many are closing as they are not fulfilling their promise?

From Google, it's not just about having fortitude and dressing well.

Independent (private) schools: If you have a good degree and are applying to teach a subject where there is a shortage of teachers.
Further education colleges: Teaching vocational courses or adult learners may not require QTS, though specific qualifications may be needed.
Specialist roles: In areas such as sports coaching, music, or languages, schools may employ unqualified teachers to bring in specialist expertise.

My dn is a very successful swimming coach who manages a club swim team too; qualified but no degree or QTS. Any independent school would be lucky to have him as a teacher.

I believe independent schools have been closing because of falling numbers after the introduction of vat on fees.

We had several close friends who seemed to hold similar values and opinions to us for many years.

Then for various reasons 4 out of 5 couples chose to send their kids to private school (reasons included: our parents paid; we had twins and they got a discount; we tutored them and they got a scholarship) All of these were people who could have afforded the full fees (at the time in the 1990's). It felt a bit shabby that they all made excuses to avoid owning up to their views that they could pay for a 'better' education.

It was not an option for us.

In truth it did subtley change our friendship / relationship.

We are still all friends now but there is still a tinge of difference...

No it speaks volumes about my own experiences.

See elsewhere in this thread.

What a crushing put down - well done you…

I don’t think that’s fair at all. Why does not having your own child mean you don’t get a view on education policy?

Plus the OP has already confirmed they have their own children so it’s also wrong.

But it’s ok to pay membership subs at a rowing club? That’s not an option for everyone either

I can see how tough this is for you.
If all else fails, and to be honest, it looks like that's happened is it worth calling a family meeting without the kids being there and say you want to clear the air.
Put your cards on the table and that all their opinions are just that, opinions. You and dh are adults and have made an informed decision on what you want to do with your children, like they did with theres. They need to be told that you understand they have strong feelings but it doesn't change your decision and the remarks have to stop.

They are truly awful to your family, behaving like this.
By the way I know loads of lovely teen girls and young women who were privately educated and they aren't entitled but confident abd well rounded.

This comment speaks volumes about your own prejudices.

FWIW, I 100% agree with your in-laws but they are being rude. They’ve told you their views and now they need to shut up about it.

If they’ve been told numerous times to stop then try a letter or email. Shit sandwich it.

We love you very much and really don’t want any ongoing tension.

However, we have made a decision and won’t be changing our minds. We acknowledge your objections but it is our choice and we won’t be discussing it further. Please respect this so we can keep our close relationship.

Let’s agree to disagree and move forwards because we love you so much and know you love us and our children.

You really do just have to be firm, even to the point of walking out the door.

from their side, there is no excuse for their behavior.

I think the particular school my nieces and nephews attend is actively harmful. When they talk about particular aspects of their education I have to bite my tongue firmly. They aren’t my children and it’s not my decision. All I do is if directly asked a question I answer it honestly, but that doesn’t come up often.

Some of my DCs cousins (DH's side) have been privately educated, others weren't/aren't. All went to good state primaries. We aren't going the private route, but mostly because we cannot afford it. The cousins vary in age, but all get along extraordinarily. There is certainly no attempt to make their cousins feel less than. From the outside, you would not be able to tell which ones went to private school, which is fascinating because people have all these preconceived ideas about what typical private pupils/ex-pupils are like. No, these lot are a mixed bunch with involved parents who made sure they took school/grades seriously. That is what mattered the most here.

My own family are more like your in laws (politics-wise), but would respect my decision.

The best advice is to try and say nothing, and if pushed, just give minimal responses. Please leave them to their politics, you don't have to engage. Massive 'however', I would implore you to own your decision if you're ever challenged again in front of your kids. Go crazy and talk up the school. Tell them what excites you/your DC... smile, and be your true self. Don't shrivel up and be bullied by people who feel it's fair game to criticise you in front of your kids. Give it time, their own kids might start telling their parents to not be so rude!

”i don’t want the family to fall out over this, I’ve heard your thoughts, the decision has been made by us as her parents in her best interests so let’s agree to disagree and leave this be before someone says something hurtful.”

Yup.

My husband was very against private education.

Then I inherited from my parents, we looked around some private schools and….. “omg yes, they must go, what an opportunity!!”

When it comes to your own children….