to ask how to deal with family criticism over sending our child to a private school?

I’ve started treating unreasonable adults as though they are unreasonable or tantrumming kids. I’d go for a very long stare until they’ve run out of steam, then “have you finished? We all have different priorities and that’s alright”. Exactly like you would to someone else’s irritating kid.

Ask them for a detailed memorandum of all the things they are prepared to allow you to spend your own money on, and those they are not, with justifications for both lists. You might also ask them to explain whether education is more or less vile in their view than the other forbidden items.

If a child at a public school in the 1980s/1990s was caught smoking cannabis it made the national headlines. I never saw a headline in the press about a child at a state school being caught smoking cannabis, but I very much doubt that meant no state school pupils used weed.

Public school bashing has been a national sport for a very long time.

Best way to deal with this is to arm yourself with facts. Dump a huge binder of information in front of them explaining why private schools are better than public schools (if your research confirms this is true). Ensure the binder contains all the scandals relating to off-rolling, asset-stealing by trusts, poor support for bullying, poor curriculum options, statistics on job opportunities after school, networking with the right people, and so on, but make sure you research both sides. Private schools have scandals and problems too.

Tell your family / anyone whinging that it's the government's job to fix public schools and until they do, you'll spend your money giving your children every leg up in life that you can.

End by asking if they plan to help their own kids with a deposit on a house. Every parent helps their kids however they can. I would send my kids to private school if I had any and if I could afford it. But I'd do my research on this. Or maybe I'd go with Montessori or similar. Research would inform my choice.

I don't believe the OP has said what the family criticism consists of specifically. The PIL may not even have specific criticism and just be expressing "we wouldn't do this" with no insight into why the OP and the DH have made the decision they have.

I'm sure people outside our immediate nuclear family find our educational decisions eccentric. They don't have the full picture and they're not us.

Think I mentioned earlier that there's lots of ignorant misconceptions on this thread.

I'm now going to go a bit further. Our local state schools are streamed. A band and B band. The kids who in olden days would have gone to grammar are in A band. Plus quite a few more. Those kids are capable of doing just as well as if they went to private school. Lots of brilliant passes at gcse. In some subjects A band and B band mix. They have the same form teacher. B band has the less academic, more gobby ones. I think some of the misconceptions on here come from people who weren't in A band.

If I had had the money, I would have chosen private. I didn't have the money. i was not bitter or envious. I just accepted it. If a hypothetical grandchild wanted to go private, I can now afford it and I would pay. It is normal to want to do the best for your kids.

I think the only bully here is you.....CamisadoChaos.

Spoken like someone with zero idea of what some state schools are like these days. 42 kids to a class? Sure. Rampant behaviour issues unchallenged? Why not.

But god forbid someone should want to spent their own money on a different setting for their child. I presume you don’t use private healthcare either?

Ask them when they were receiving the invoice for the fees … oh wait …. They’re not the ones paying.

your money, your children, your business.

This response covers it perfectly.

It’s your decision. Personally I’m with them, children from private schools seem incapable of either an original thought or of dealing with people from a different background, but you do what you evidently think is best and stop trying to force people to agree with you.

no ones business but yours

Unless you have asked them to pay for the schooling / books / uniforms, they should not interfere. And it was low of them to speak of it in front of the children, making them uneasy.

Tell them that jealousy is not a good look on them.

There’s really no such thing as a typical private school parent.

I want there to be a state system that will educate all kids according to their needs, given that we’re all paying tax to support state schools. That doesn’t exist. Many many kids with SEN are not catered to in the state system at all. That is a national scandal.

Save your anger for the politicians, those of you who are being disapproving at parents who are making the choices they have to for their kids,while torpedoing their own family finances in the process and saving the state system thousands each year.

What an ignorant generalisation.

You sound like a typical private school parent.

My DD went to a private primary, originally because of shortage of state places in the local area and then we continued because she got on very well there. At 7 she was diagnosed with various SEN and they met her needs well.

My neighbour was kind of rude about our choices.

Later she ended up sending her youngest DC to the same private school as they also turned out to have SEN, while the eldest is off to a private secondary (and my DD has gone to a state secondary).

You just never know what the future holds.

People sometimes end up eating their words!

I don't agree with private schooling and if my sibling said they were sending their kids to private school I'd hold my tongue. We're a bit enmeshed so they'd know my views anyway, we might take the p* out of each other about it as we do abot other things but it's good natured and noobe would be berated about it.

The only time I'd step in in any way with a siblings parenting is if I thought something was directly harmful. Even then I'd need to be quite concerned

Yes, I think jealousy is a very lazy argument. I work in a field where I'm one of the few non-privately educated people and the unfair advantages it brings astonishes me. I would abolish it for ideological reasons that align with my political beliefs. It's nothing to do with jealousy.

I'm very torn because on one hand I believe that's it's your personal business and your choice, and you shouldn't be disrespected. I understand why you feel hurt. On the other hand people feel strongly about private education. I'm personally very anti it and think it should be abolished. I wouldn't go as far as calling out your parenting, as you say you have had done, but my politics don't naturally align with people who are pro public schools.

Sounds like they're jealous basically

Ignore them.

Give it time.. maybe have some space for a couple of weeks.
Let them get their heads around it you know families and if you're close it will come right in the end.
Best to try and not fall out i agree x

I firmly believe that most children benefit more from a private setting, simply because the classes are smaller. As for people criticising your choice of schooling for your child, she’s your child, your choice, your money! If they don’t get the whole “leave it, it’s none of your business” vibe, then simply change the subject. If that doesn’t work, then it’s time to get direct and tell them to mind their own business.