to ask how to deal with family criticism over sending our child to a private school?

But it wouldn’t be falling out over one issue would it? It would be falling out because

they are judgey
they ignore you
they carry on relentlessly about it despite being fully aware it upsets you

Firstly, this is your DH's problem.

Get him to tell them if it doesn't stop you won't be visiting.

There's no way to manage this without either setting a boundary or just putting up with it.

Well then your partner needs to get with the programme and say “enough with the judgement, we have made our decision and that’s final”

You just say we obviously have very different views on this, I'm making the decision I think is best for my child, I don't judge others who make different decisions. Our position isn't going to change and neither is yours, so I'd like to not discuss it anymore

I've only felt judged once, by someone who 'didn't agree with private schools'.
The same person who rented out their house and temporarily moved into the catchment area for an outstanding state school. Twice!

Indeed. I mean, make a decision and own it, and deal assertively with any criticism that follows. God knows how you’d manage if you worked in a lab that tested drugs in development on animals or something.

Call their bluff and say “You’ve convinced us, we’re pulling her out and going state. Using the money to buy oil and tobacco shares instead.”

jk

You need to become comfortable with silence.

Private schools are one of the UK’s great educational strengths.

They offer parents genuine choice and children real opportunity, consistently achieving outstanding exam outcomes - around 49% A/A at A-level* compared to roughly 25% in state-funded schools, and similarly strong GCSE performance.

They allow exceptional pupils to realise their potential - and all without burdening the taxpayer in anyway.

Far from being a drain, the sector punches well above its weight for the country: independent schools contribute £16.5 billion to the UK economy, support over 328,000 jobs, and generate significant tax revenue.

Many offer substantial bursaries and scholarships, opening doors to bright children from all backgrounds.

Attacking excellence doesn’t raise standards for everyone else - it just levels down. True educational progress comes from more choice, more competition and more aspiration, not less. Parents should have the freedom to choose what’s best for their child, and society benefits when we celebrate and support outstanding schools rather than punishing them.

Private education isn’t perfect, but it’s a beacon of high standards in British schooling. Long may it thrive.

Your family or your in laws

Oh for heaven’s sake OP get a back bone, this cannot be a big enough problem that you don’t know how to navigate it.

I would try a quiet but firm word first, something like “I recognise you have strong feelings about this but this is family and I don’t want politics to hurt our relationship. So I’m asking you to not bring this up again please. It’s not fair on the kids and I find it painful”. If they can’t or won’t stop after that then really you do have the choice of ignore or avoid them.

You can either be the bigger person and ignore it, or do like I did for a month or so, every time they criticise, match the level of comment back with a personal insult based on one of their life choices, it soon stops 🤣

They sound…. Horrible

Are you otherwise close to them? Loving supportive and happy family? Or this is just of a number of issues at play?

no one has criticised my parenting. And I’m not alone on that. Sorry people have been rude and judgemental enough In your world that they have and do

It's none of their business and I'd tell them so. I'm not in favour of private schools but I wouldn't criticise someone else's choice like that. It's beyond rude.

"John, do me a favour will you.. fuck off and never come back."

The end.

in front of dc or not in front of dc - not on

your only other option is to risk upsetting them by bluntly telling them to stop it.

so they can judge, criticise and ignore requests not to talk about it but…. God forbid upsetting them but asking them to stop criticising your parenting decisions

I believe private schools should be abolished entirely, but even I think bringing this up in front of your DC is disgusting behaviour.

What did they say in front of her?

Tell them to keep their noses out and walk away if they keep it up. If you haven’t asked them to help with the fees it is absolutely none of their business.

They are entitled to their opinion, I don't agree with private schooling either. To me it is distinct from criticising other parenting choices as it is a whole societal issue, it's not the same as sleep training or letting your 12 year old watch an 18 film.

Having made their point however they now either need to shut up or leave your life.