AIBU to stop subsidising my partner's hobby and his spending?

Set an agreed personal spend amount per month. Stick to it. Requests for extra for just another Warhammer or whatever are met with, sorry, we've to to pay x and can't afford it.
I don't mind you treating his kids, it's nice of you and being nice is nice.

He's a parasite

Think how much better off you and your children would be without him.

Wake up, OP. Your children should be your top financial priority, not shelling out stupid amounts just so you can hold onto your boyfriend.

Are you worried he’ll get pissed off if you don’t buy him his toys? Let him, who gives a shit? Are you worried he’ll leave you? Help him pack! You’d be far better off on your own than letting this man-child push you and your kids into poverty.

Seriously OP, you should want better for your children even if you don’t want it for yourself.

I would view it differently. You are not subsidising him, you are stealing from your children to give the money to your partner instead. Maybe it will help you rein it in to realise that money could be going to your children’s education or house deposit fund for the future. Is your partner’s hobby really a better use for it? I’d tell him you are struggling to make ends meet and can no longer subsidise him and will need him to pay his fair share going forwards. Then, if he can’t afford something, do it alone or with friends (trip out) or don’t do it (takeaways, ice creams) - A good option is to have a shared ‘fun’ fund for things like this as long as he doesn’t help himself to advances from it. And no helpful purchases like Father’s Day cards.

Yes definitely stop subsidising him. I agree a joint pot for joint activities would work well. If he's short for something important like buying his Dad or child a gift and you want to lend him some money to help him out then he can pay you back next payday. If you find he doesn't pay you back then you may need to put a stop to lending as well.

Warhammer? Lego? Pokemon cards? Doesn't really matter, whatever it is he curtails it and grows up and none of your money goes to it. You're right don't do activities where your money pays for you both

Absolutely not. Treat yourself, go out with a friend. Tell him you’re skint, and trying to put extra into your pension and he needs to pay his own way and pay for his own kids too.
if he says but you went out for dinner with sally, you get mad. ‘Sally paid her own way, so I didn’t have to pay for both of us. Also, you’ve spent £100s on stuff this month already why is that not saved to take me out to dinner? When did you last pay for me to do anything? I’m not a magic money tap and you’re not one of my children.’

good for you!! he does this because he can, because you enable it because you are soft on him and you admit this yourself.

you have shown him the evidence of how much he spends on himself - because thats what it is selfish, spending on himself. No one needs to spend £350 a month on shitty tat. dont care what it is or what you call it, if its not going to turn a profit its shitty tat.

unfortunately, having been on MN for more years than I care to think, 99.9% of the time when the enabler puts their foot down, two things happen

1. they stick to it and the relationship ends
2. they cave in and the cycle continues

You are about to find out if you have a partner or a boyfriend for hire.
Stay strong.

You say you tried to explain it but he didn't catch on. That's rubbish. Regardless, he will soon catch on when you stop bailing him out and giving him handouts like a silly boy.

You could set up a joint account for bills plus joint outings, and each contribute equal amounts. When that's gone, it's gone. If he's spent all his personal money on his hobby, then no he doesn't get to go out for an ice cream. The fact that this has become a routine habit and an expecation is problematic.

Longer term you really need to work out in what other ways is he massively taking the piss out of you, because I guarantee there will be some, in more ways than expecting you to get his dad a fathers day card and present.

What does he add to your life, other than being someone convenient who is happy being taken out for dinner?

I am sorry but you must just say to him you have nothing left you can give him. Just say you have added extra to your pension and you have enough for yourself for the month. Stop enabling this behaviour. He will not stop as long as he knows you can bail him out.

I totally thought this was the Pokémon guy again!

He won’t even treat you to an ice cream?

Fucking hell, how do you even feel loved by or attracted to this child when you’re more like his Mummy?

You look at your online banking for the year and add up all the bills and expenses for the year then divide that by 2 and then by 12 and thats the amount both of you pay into an account each month, if he wont pay you tell him you will have to live seperately and dont give him any more money or pay for anything full stop, hes not a good bloke hes a selfish prick whos using you and youre allowing it

Hes a decent bloke and not selfish she says so herself!!!!! Some women are desperate

I don't understand threads like this.

What does the OP want? Permission to stop being a doormat? Honestly you need to know you don't need other people's approval nor validation. Being kind has its limits. You aren't being kind if you fund someone in this way or similar. You are enabling unhealthy and damaging behaviour. You are allowing someone to avoid responsibility to others and to themselves by becoming their mother who always bails them out.

I have a friend who is on the point of divorcing her husband because he's a helpless infant. As I pointed out to her the behaviour she was modelling to her kids was that women are worth nothing and can be treated like household slaves and cash machines.

You need to examine why you have this drive to enable at your own expense and you need to learn that it's 'ok to be selfish'. Saying no isn't just in your own best interests - in many cases it's tough love that's ultimately in the best interests of the other party too. Practice saying no and not feeling guilty or being tempted to cave because it's easier than dealing with the subsequent sulk or tantrum. Such behaviour is abusive because it's emotionally manipulative and coercive to get what someone else wants.

MN seems to be particularly awash ATM with threads where there is little other advice to be given other than 'just say no'. It seems we have an epidemic of women who only feel self worth if they can enable a close family member to do something that actively harms them emotionally or financially. It's like a be kind addiction. It's toxic and it's really not kind to anyone in the long run as it enables behaviour which has significant negative consequences in the long term. It's a lazy quick fix to say yes rather than deal with a bigger problem.

We need to be reassuring and empowering so many women to break the cycle and be more 'selfish'. This is better for them, better for other people in the equation and better for society as a whole.

We almost need a 'just say no' campaign on MN where for a week once a year we encourage other users to 'just say no' and support each other through that. It's not mean, it's not actually selfish and it helps to set up others to address and deal with their own issues better. We all understood that being a yes man isn't a good thing but perhaps such an action would help to give clarity and give light bulb moments to some. I do think it would change the thinking and toxic dynamics within some families and given everyone an all together better future.

You are not his nurse or purse. Stop subsidising him. Bills, extras, everything is 50/50 and if he won’t pay he can’t do it.

Who is allowing you to be treated like a complete mug?

YABU for funding his life to this extent. For example, why are you buying him a card for his father? It’s cheap but it’s unclear why you’re doing it?

He is not a good bloke. Good blokes don't act like irresponsible teenagers. Agree a personal spend limit and stick to it. Go out for meals with friends and your DC if he wants to keep his money for his hobby. Personally I'd dump him. Stop giving your money to his DC too.

Fucking hell OP. He sure saw you coming.
You subsidise him in almost every way.
You are wasting your money on his hobby (ebay purchases) and his children. I really do hope that you wake up and grow a backbone, and start acting in your and your children’s best interests. He is not a good bloke.

He sounds about 12. What on earth do you see in him?

Whilst I repeat my suggestion that you simply stop giving him your money @Hey56 may I introduce you to the word an?
An ice-cream
An activity
An example

It would be cheaper to have a pet.

You just have to stop paying for things OP. He currently has no consequences to his frivolous spending. If you want to go out for a meal/drinks/day out ask him if he can afford to come or has he spend his 'fun' budget up on his hobby? If he has then arrange to do it with someone else.