To think there is no genuine reason a 40-year-old man would be interested in a 22-year-old?

Lots of people in their 40s like Acker Bilk?

Who knew.

Most young women don't settle with much older and wealthier men though. Most age gaps are only a few years.

Im so old I get the heaves at the idea of a man in his forties being into online gaming and anime.
As for their enjoying the same music…..he likes hers, or she likes his? Or they both dig Acker Bilk?

It really doesn’t. I’m a SAHM and we split his income 50/50 into our individual names, and our house which is mortgage free is in both our names even though I didn’t contribute to it. We’ll get married at some point for IHT purposes. His ex partner was older than him, and he doesn’t have a history of dating younger women. I’m not worried.

Obviously her daughter has to make her own choices.

But men tend to find younger women the most sexually attractive. That's not the same as them being likely to have LTRs with them. Most women in age gap relationships are a few years away from their partner. Men who want huge age gaps may be looking for someone to shape and control.

As I said OP's DD must make her own choices, but there's no harm in being aware.

Yes, what an extraordinary conversation to initiate. Talk about giving him the green light (on a promise) before he’s even pulled your chair out for you!

At 19 I was shagging a 39 year old bloke with two divorces under his belt and kids not much younger than me. Honestly, it was one of the best and healthiest relationships I’ve ever had. He treated me with kindness and respect, we had loads of fun together, went to the pub, to the races and just chilled out, listening to music. It was more friends with benefits though as we both knew we had no future together as we were at such different stages of life. I wonder what he’s up to these days and wish him happiness.

I’d be more worried about the whole, period conversation before the first date, that’s super-weird!

And if she really wanted a relationship with this guy, she's probably blown it with the 'I can't sleep with you because I'm on my period' rather than 'I'm not interested in casual sex' anyway. Sadly still even in this day and age, a lot of men aren't interested in actual relationships with women they think sleep around

Say that beginning bit to all the men who only date plus size women on the down low because they don’t want their mates to find out. Women are status symbols to men in many cases. Not all but many do absolutely consider what other people see in their partner.

Bear in mind that its online dating, so anything he says is probably bullshit to sleep with her anyway

Why the fuck are they talking about sex/ periods before a first date ? She needs to learn not to share so much so soon!

Yes, we have family friends who have been married for decades with a similar age gap. No abuse whatsoever, but now that the husband is old, ill and not particularly fun to live with I think she regrets throwing her youth away on him. She's super bubbly and a people- person and was clearly very attractive when young (still is) and the husband is now a boring old man.

Presumably she did too then with online dating? I'm not sure I'd consider an OLD filter to be actively trying on the same creepy sense I would if he was out in clubs at his big age trying to chat up women who weren't interested. Anyone who isn't interested in dating someone his age just wouldn't even see his profile for him to try and talk to him surely?

Yeah, do that if you want to look completely unhinged!
Follow your adult DD on her date and do that in public.
I don't think it'd be a case of "ignore you for 2 weeks" - you'd risk permanent relationship damage (not between her and her date, to be clear, I mean between you and your DD!)

I'd be uncomfortable if it was my daughter so understand your concerns. However, from a rational perspective I know two couples who have lived long and happy lives together with a similar age gap like this. Both met when one was in their 20s, though not online.

And at what age would your daughter have to be before you would consider this sort of behaviour unacceptable?

Shes an adult she can do what she wants blah blah blah, HOWEVER i would find out where they are going on their date and i would turn up with a friend to show him up and embarress him and out him outright why he wants sex with my daughter, she may ignore you for 2 weeks after but problem solved, the world is a horrible place he is probably trying to bed girls much younger also

Men and women are fundamentally different. It's well documented in psychology, sociology and in the academic literature.

Physically, men irrespective of age find woman around this 22ish cited range the most attractive, irrespective if they are 20 or 60 themselves. Women typically find men around their own age the most attractive. It's biology and reproduction, perception of access to resources etc.

That doesn't mean that is the only demographic men are attracted to, it's just it's the demographic they are MOST attracted to typically.

If there is an age gap the lack of maturity/life experience can be a turn off for men (it is for me with women much younger than me who can't hold a diverse conversation).

From the initial post therefore his attraction is even more understadable if the two actually do have lots in common to bridge the aforementioned experience gap I've mentioned.

I think that the most likely reasons are not in your daughter’s best interest (as outlined above). There is, however, a slim chance that he is genuinely interested in her for acceptable reasons.
My concerns are that you maintain an open and supportive relationship with your daughter. With that in mind I would caution her about your reservations, support her whilst she explores the possibility of a relationship with him, encourage her to share her feelings and experiences with you and be prepared to be supportive if she gets hurt. At 22yrs she is an adult, wants and needs to make her own decisions and part of that is by making bad decisions and learning from it.
We have two ears and one mouth, be prepared to do a lot more listening than speaking and virtually NO telling.
Good luck

Yep. My gran was a carer for my grandad, and she was the older one.

Yeah…nobody would expect you to see the problem.

There are a lot of posts on this thread citing people with a massive age gap who have been together for 25 years (it’s always 25 years, for some reason). I would like to point out that longevity is no indicator of quality, and that there are plenty of women stuck in abusive, unhealthy and power-imbalanced relationships for even longer than that.

I am more baffled as to why a 22 year old is talking about her sex life and periods with her mum. I do not discuss stuff like that with parents.
And then her mum posting about it online where the DD could potentially recognise herself.

Ah, hard to pick that up online (for me anyway)

The answer was sarcasm, I think