To think there is no genuine reason a 40-year-old man would be interested in a 22-year-old?

And every year, their relationships would be illegal until the youngest had a birthday.

Not saying it doesn’t feel a bit off in these times but a female at 22 is, all things being normal, in her physical & sexual prime. Speak to Mother Nature if you don’t like this. So yes, you don’t need a detective to tell you that this guy wants to get very physical with her. Everything else is merely detail but he’s got one main goal.

James Bond is an entire franchise where the middle aged anti hero sleeps with young, beautiful women, some in their early twenties. It was considered very normal up until fairly recently. Men will never not find 22 year old women attractive, although I know this is an uncomfortable truth for some to hear.

What an utterly stupid comment. It's never been a "rule", and nobody's relationships should be policed, beyond age of consent and the laws on abuse.

I don’t think it’s the age difference that many people are frowning on but your daughters casual sharing personal info so soon in early dating stage period on first date, doesn’t your daughter have bit more respect? If she’s the generation that questions everything why isn’t she questioning her response to him. Yes it’s her choice to date someone which massive age difference you told her opinion she but she asks her friends. She shares with you and you share with mumsnet. Sadly I doubt that they really share the same interests and he’s just feeding her what she wants to hear.

I think the pp was saying they have to be friends once one acquires the grand age of 30, and stop referring to them as mates as that is for the fickle youth 😂😂

Such a bizarre thread but no, of course that's not the only reasons an older man is interested in a younger woman. My parents were 19 and 35 when they got married, my DDad sadly died a year ago after the most loving 50yrs of marriage. They were best friends and never happier than when they were together.
My dad was just quite naive, socially awkward and a little on the neurodiverse side possibly!

So an 80 year old can date a 47 year old but if they're only 46 it should be illegal??

And if your latter point is true then why does the term ‘trophy wife’ exist?

He doesn't like the same things as her, she's 22 and he's much older.

@flippertygibbet4 my parents, with the same age gap, got talking because they had the same interests and hobby. Why do you think that these two people can't like the same things?
You don't stop liking something because you've hit 40. I've had the same interest and enthusiasm for a leisure occupation since I was 7. And now I'm 70 and just as interested in it. Incidentally it's an interest that has led to me having friends of all ages

Yes, I'm sure there are, and there's nothing wrong with that - my comment is just because there was some doubt as to this guy's motives - I was just stating my opinion of the situation.

What 😂 My 31 year old husband absolutely has mates. He has many friends.

@oliviaAustin Say that beginning bit to all the men who only date plus size women on the down low because they don’t want their mates to find out.

Might be true for very young men (no man over the age of 30 has "mates", that's a thing for teens and 20-somethings). I don't care what women that other men have relationships with.

Women are status symbols to men in many cases. Not all but many do absolutely consider what other people see in their partner.

I think you're projecting. You may care what women think of your male partner, but the reverse is not true. You are assuming that other people think how you do.

You know what her Tinder profile says?

OP, you need boundaries. She's 22 years old.

And she needs to move out ASAP ". I would want to know who she was meeting and where, and if I should expect her home that night, regardless of whether she was meeting online dates or a best mate she's known since nursery school."

She's not a teenager.

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle age doesn’t guarantee maturity though.

in any case if you want a fwb at 22, how mature the man is usually doesn’t factor much. When I was 22 seeking casual sex, I wanted to bang other hot 20 somethings! The one time I slept with a much older guy the post coital conversation showed the age gap. If he takes care of himself ok, but still makes me wonder why she’s not interested in younger guys…

Also this, I love that everyone’s acting like men her own age are all benevolent and only after true love in a truly healthy relationship.

Most men are after sex, and if the woman is convenient enough for them they’ll stick around for a relationship so long as it stays beneficial for them. Age is fairly irrelevant.

Honestly it’s only this website where parents seem to want to go into the most toe curling detail with their adult DC. I’ve never, ever, ever discussed my sex life (potential or otherwise) with my mum. Isn’t that what friends are for?

I’m sure there are plenty of young men her age whose motives would be sexual too.

I can see why she's going for him. I likely would too if I were her age (young men my age then seemed such boys and not men). It seems she wants to have sex with him, just not on her period

Same!

I am trying to come from this with positive intent as a mum who is worried about her daughter.

Your daughter is an adult. You are overly involved in her life.

I had a fling with a 40 year old man when I was 20/21. It was fun! I've seen him a couple of times since (now in my early 40s) and its been great - friendly terms, happy to see each other. I am not traumatised by that experience, it was formative for me.

With respect OP, you need to let your daughter learn and be an adult. You also need to have some self reflection on your over involvement in your adult daughters personal life - and be there as a supportive parent when she needs you if (when) it ends in tears.

I think you both need some boundaries. And you as the parent needs to lead on that front.

I met my partner when I was 20 and he was 38 so same age gap. I’m now 37 and he’s 55. Kids, home, dog, life, careers. I wasn’t as open with my family about him as your daughter has been initially , if she knows the risks, let her have a go at the relationship. I think my parents being worried wouldn’t have stopped me.

On reflection the only weird part of this is that a 20 something woman is involving her mum in her shag plans

Cut the apron strings before it gets weird, kid

It doesn't sound like your daughter really dates with the assumption it's going to be looking for something long term.

So why would you care if this guy is long term? If it's a short sex/dating fling it will presumably be the same as the other guys she dates. They'll go out and fo some fun things and then probably that will be it.

Although clearly she is used to guys who expect sex on the first date, so you are potentially wrong that this guy isn't an improvement.

It's also weird to say someone wants the kudos for sex in this instance, most men are pretty into the idea of sex in general.

The age gap is uncomfortable to say the least. That said my parents had 14 years between them and my in laws 18 and she was 21 and he 39. Perhaps times have changed. I know I wouldn’t like it with my DD though so I’m with you op.