To think there is no genuine reason a 40-year-old man would be interested in a 22-year-old?

My exDH even said to me I was so much easier to get along with than other women (his own age). I took it as a compliment at 22. At 32 I realised that it was because I'd had no boundaries or life experience outside university as an adult. I was therefore putty in his hands, to be moulded into the person he wanted me to be before I had a chance to work out who I wanted to be.

This has red flags all over it. Yuck!

A million percent. I think back to how I was in my 20s and I was so naive and put up a LOT from men. I wouldn’t do that now. Hence why they go for younger women. It’s gross.

My best guess is he has children and he needs a live-in babysitter. Plus sex for himself, of course. If she signs up for that scenario she'll be working long hours probably for little to no money. Please update if he does have school age kids. Make sure she asks him that question.

I'd prefer that to a 50-year-old legally being able to groom and fuck a 16-year-old, as it currently stands.

And there's always a random cut-off. Why is it okay to bang someone who's sixteen, but not the day before their birthday at fifteen? What makes that one day so much better (or worse). Or if the age was eighteen, as it is overseas in some places - what makes eighteen okay and not seventeen?

I like the half your age plus seven rule – but I agree, it is a bit pointless once the younger person is twenty-five though. Let it be a free for all, after that, lol.

What other ridiculous laws do you propose?

💯 % agree with you.... and sadly there is absolutely sweet FA you can do about it. She knows your views, youve been true to your values. But, try not to show so much distain that she's alienated. If she has a relationship with him... you need to stay close and support her when inevitablely goes tits up. 🤞crossed he's just inadequate, not abusive, like my daughter's much older man experience 🤬.

OP at the core of it, you have acknowledged she is a grown up that can make her own decisions. It's lovely she feels she can talk in detail to you about it, but as her mum you are not a best mate that should be told all the gory details as you will get over-invested. Don't beat yourself up, that's natural as a mum who is hearing a bit too much about it all.

If I were you I'd have a conversation and say "I love you. I know you're an adult, and I respect you as an adult, but you have to understand that as your mum I will always feel protective of you. I want you to be able to tell me anything, but you have to understand that I'll have feelings about it as your mum. I can't be objective when it comes to you. So I do have worries about this guy because of the age gap, and as your mum I will let you know my feelings. But, please also talk to your friends and sisters to get a more objective view because i can't give you that"

@OonaStubbs I will say it again, the "Half your age plus 7" rule should be enshrined into law. It would solve so many problems.

Why should there be a restriction on a 50 year old woman to have a relationship with a man younger than 32? Is it right to control women in that manner?

@oliviaAustin ‘Valued for her appearance’ vs ‘caring what others think’ mean the same thing bozo.

No they don't.

If a man values a woman solely for her appearance, he's valuing her solely on what she does for him.

It's not about other people.

And since when did it only refer to the 0.1%? Passport bros also come to mind.

The "passport bro" phenomenon is completely overblown because of the internet. There are almost no men who go to different countries to find partners.

Though to address your point... being in a different country means you definitely don't care what other people think... because you're in a country where you don't know a single person!

Both of my daughters are in their late teens/early twenties, so I spend time around people in their early twenties most days. I cannot fathom why someone my age would want to date one of them. They're loud, annoyingly opinionated, cannot ever be wrong, yet need constant reassurance about the most minor things. And they overthink everything.

Maybe your opinion had rubbed off on your DD and she's taken the same view about dating anyone her own age.

Can you try and use your words and explain whu it's OK for an 80 year old to be with a 47 year old but not a 46 year old? And given the age gap of 33 years, why it's ok at 80-47 but not 78-45?

Ops daughter is looking for casual sex with older men. Assuming she's not got issues, she's presumably thinking any or all of a. Better off than lads my age so better dates b. Will have Ve his own house so no need to sneak past Mom c. More experience so a better lover or similar. If she can go for older men for better sex / privacy / dates, why can't he go for younger women for similarly shallow reason?

Well, thankfully it is not law.

Yup. I had to write to my mates and formally retitle them as friends. It was hard for those who were still only 29 and wanted to be mates but I told them alas, no, I am too old for that now.

‘Valued for her appearance’ vs ‘caring what others think’ mean the same thing bozo. The man wants her as his wife because her appearance reflects well on him emphasising that he is successful and rich enough to get said trophy. And since when did it only refer to the 0.1%? Passport bros also come to mind.

No it wouldn't. Once it was legal it would stay legal.

And yes, it should be the law.

This is a result of patriarchy for years and women being less financially independent and the gender pay gap etc. why else would you need an older man to set you up in life?
it happens to older women with young men from poor countries. It’s economy not biology and men exploit it in our culture more because they have a sense of entitlement to women’s bodies

I see, I apologise I should have known that we now only have bosom pals and not mates now we’re in our lifelong decline.

'Trophy wife' refers more to the woman being valued solely for her appearance, rather than caring what others think of the relationship. It's also noteable that 'trophy wife' is only ever used for the wives of the extremely wealthy, less than 0.1% of men.

If she 22 and warning him that sex is off the table then there's not much you can do . She's an adult .

I’ve very quickly NC’d to say that my ExH was the same age as me and incredibly emotionally/financially and occasionally physically abusive. My now H is an even bigger gap than that and treats me like a queen.

So it sounds like she’d be fine with it.
I think the reason the vast majority of 40 year olds would be after for 20 year olds is far more simple than people are making out.
they just want sex. And the 20 somethings are hot.

just as your dd, they don’t want anything more complicated. Just sex.

She’s probably going for an older man as she’s quite immature from this over parenting and now sees other adults as enablers.

I started dating my now husband when he was 38 and I was 25.