To think there is no genuine reason a 40-year-old man would be interested in a 22-year-old?

OP I think the best you can do now is be a little less vocal. She’s proceeding ahead and heard what you have to say. Now you need to bite your tongue so if things progress 1) she feels still able to open up to you without your judgement or your saying ‘I told you so’ - even if you would not do that, she will have her pride dented. 2) this will be hard but the best way for you to keep an eye on coercive/controlling behaviour 3) if you seek supportive and it progresses you can suggest meeting him at the pub and getting a view for yourself - grown ups do that right, she won’t want to keep him hidden away if she’s in a grown up relationship?

Be careful she doesn’t keep quiet as she’s very open.

Her announcing her period to him before
meeting him would (if I was him) give me the ick as demonstrates her immaturity.

probably married!

Old perv comes to my mind

I wonder how low his age parameter was actually set on the dating app(s) ? Or or high for that matter! Slimy old git

I wonder how low his age parameter was actually set on the dating app(s) ? Or or high for that matter! Slimy old git

It’s grim both ways. What does she want from an older man. To me it’s disgusting both ways. Both him and her.

You’re not being unreasonable to think he is some creepy older men who can’t get women his own age because it’s most likely true however I get why she overshared telling him and you about the period thing because it seems you also say some odd things lol

22-year-old women are women.

People always say older men live for young women so they can control someone.

I hate to say it, but I think the reason is women are most physically attractive in their twenties. They have soft skin, lack of stretch marks, great hair, and don't put on weight.

When you are a man with plenty of options because you are financially doing well it's a trade-off: her looks, his money.

However I would personally not want my daughter, when she reaches 22, to date someone who is that much older than her. They may go on to get married. And the women often always regret it when they get a bit older. How many threads have we seen on Netmums about that, hey?

i was 23 when I met my DH he was 39. Been together 25 years and we are both still head over heels in love. Just because YOU find it abhorrent doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with them dating. They are both adults with capacity.

Eew she did not need to tell him anything about her period! A date is just a date. But why does she want to date an old man (compared to her) that’s double her age?! Bit gross and she can do better.

Of the bat her telling him that info about her period is unfortunately screaming easy to him. So maybe they’ve had sexual chemistry and he does infact find her attractive

shared interests - possible narc. This is what they do, groom and charm. I would be very weary

It’s a tale as old as time and doesn’t need to be sinister. They can both potentially benefit from the relationship - if she wants sex he probably has more experience and is attractive because he has his own house, money, can potentially “look after” her which if we’re honest a lot of women want.

And he gets to have sex with a 22 year old.

It isn’t gross she’s an adult. The age gap will excite them both.

But if he has baggage, is married, or wants to be married soon then it might not work for them both and hopefully they can each be respectful enough to leave it.

Anyone of any age can be toxic.

I met my ex-husband at work when I was 18. We started seeing each other when I was 21 & he was 41. It wasn't weird or creepy. We were together for 15 years, married for 10 & had a child. May to December relationships have always happened and girls/women do tend to mature a lot faster than boys/men.

Right? It's whole new language and culture. I'm only 31 but when we have work experience people come who are early 20's I don't understand them much 🤣

You know nobody lol who isn't happy in a age gap relationship . You don't know any couples who are the same age and got married but never got divorced?
Weird.

Mumsnet age gap police are out in force again
Anyone would think that people of the same age don't break up and divorce😀

I see stuff like this discussed online and think about when I was 19 and dated a 40 year old man. We both had three year old sons at the same nursery and because of that he felt the same age as me.
Not sure how I feel about it in regards to other people though a bit weird probably wouldn’t want my daughter dating someone so old.

It’s one of the difficult moments in parenting when your child is to old to be protected and you have to watch them make mistakes. I wouldn’t say much other that what you have already said to her. Encourage her to introduce her friends to him young people are all about peer pressure/support and a group of young adults is a lot for a 40 year old they will give her an opinion that will sadly hold more than a parents.
I would be worried he’s incapable of a successful relationship with people of his age he might have no emotional maturity did he buy the house alone or has a relationship broken down is there debt kids of his own is he looking for a free Nannie for them?
In the next 10-15 years she will probably want a family he will be 50-55 and not want to be running around after a toddler I’m not sure what the attraction is. Where is her dad and what is his opinion on this? I would be worried he’s trying to exploit her in some way either as a trophy to show off and inflate his ego or a Nannie for existing kids. Cleaner and bill share for his house. Without any ownership marriage what’s his family like? Have you seen photos of him dose he look like a decent man or a bloke from weatherspoons on a Saturday afternoon. This could derail her life don’t say anything directly but keep a very close watch on it and speak to her friends about how coercive control and exploitation are such awful situations nowadays giving them tools so they recognise signs. She needs the confidence to get out of something that dosnt work and the knowledge that she has family support if something goes wrong tell her to enjoy herself and if the first date is crap she should block him and find someone much fitter from her gym for example)🤣 let’s hope that’s the case.

I can’t get past OPs ‘I’d rather she stay a virgin until her wedding day’
Hello, the 1950s are calling. Maybe that’s just me 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think you've misunderstood me - that was my point to the other poster. That there's always a random cut-off, but you have to draw a line somewhere.

Because thats the nature of age restrictions, for anything

The day before you become a legal adult
The day before you can legally retire
The day before you qualify for your bus pass
The day after you no longer qualify for a young persons rail card
The day before you can legally leave EET

These are all cut offs, the age of consent is no different.

Happened to me! 25 years of misery before I managed to break free. It was dramatic much 🥺

It’s quite amusing how many posters are simultaneously worried about young women ending up in controlling relationships whilst simultaneously saying a new actual law should be introduced to control what age men they can sleep with.

You are right to be concerned imho and crappy experience
i don’t want to say too much so if you find inconsistency it’s bc I’m changing details to keep my stupid mistake private
when I was younger naive and thought I knew it all I dated someone in a similar situation- it was fun at first, partly because of the things you have said. He could afford to do things with me. I had access a trust fund at 21 and wanted to experience life, my age group couldn’t afford it. It wasn’t long before he spotted things I should buy for him. Consent is not informed consent, grooming happens at any age.
be careful love bombing, grooming, manipulation, control, it doesn’t end well. But I never saw it until it was too late.
listen to her, offer to meet him early and keep the peace with your dd. Let’s just say they flourish and are in love - in twenty years she’ll be his age, and he’ll be near retirement!! That is a sobering truth as well.