To think there is no genuine reason a 40-year-old man would be interested in a 22-year-old?

Men are genetically programmed to want to have sex with young and fertile women; so there is a 'genuine' reason, but whether it is a 'good' reason is quite another issue. The reproductive instinct does not care whether the man and the woman would be happy together, or whether the man would stick around to help raise the children.

Good update @Frequency

FYI - it is well worth googling Dr Hannah Fry's Insta - it scientifically shows the ages of women that men are most attracted to. Your DD is in the bullseye age group.
Long story short - Old men want to shag young women

Hopefully the link above works - let me know if it doesn't

Yeah, this. Sucks to be a single middle aged women who is interested in dating men her own age. Complaining on the internet about it might make you feel better, but it's not going to change their preferences.

I've never understood this. Everyone was a newborn once, but he wasn't trying to date her when he was 18 and she was a new born? It's a reach because they can't really justify why they want to impose restrictions on a grown woman's autonomy so they can to reduce her to a time when she was a newborn baby.

In all likelihood though this young guy is also a waste of space who wants your daughter to reduce her options while he makes no commitment to actually date her. You sound overly involved and you are skewing everything through your own lense because you perceived yourself as somehow being a child at 21 (even though you had a baby and a mortgage). I think you need to expect that dating is something your daughter is going to have to experience highs and lows with, and you can't necessarily control that.

But she isn’t a newborn now. I don’t see the point in raising things like this.

When he was 18, she was a newborn. WTF is wrong with these men? Of course his primary goal is sex. And if they have any type of relationship, he will always have the upper hand and an element of control, as he has a lifetime of experience that she doesn't have. She's going to get hurt, imo.

It’s not necessarily nefarious. When I was early 20’s, I would date men roughly mid 30’s to mid 40’s. From my perspective, it was because men my own age were usually immature dicks. From their perspective, they had been head down, bum up, completely absorbed in establishing a career, then get to the point where they can lift their head and look around. A woman their own age is no good as they want to get married and have a family so they go a ‘good prospect’ for this. All of my male friends did this, nothing about a fetish or being controlling.

As I got older, I could naturally start and ‘reel back’, the age of men I dated going for men closer to my own age, as they had then matured over time.

A 22 year old is not a young girl. She is a woman.

Was just going to say similar.
I think the fact you’ve never dated and don’t ’understand’ dating is skewing your view a little. It’s perfectly normal to date or sleep with several different people in your teens and 20s. Some of those might be nice guys and some might not, whether you’ve met them online or in person. It’s all a learning curve and gives you a real idea of what kind of person you want to spend your life with. Your job as mum is to listen, give advice if she asks, and be noncommittal and non judgmental. She has to figure things out for herself even if she gets hurt in the process.

OP I think you've taken tbe wrong lesson here. It's not to have an armoury of tools to talk her out of it later. It's to recognise she is an adult with an adult sex life, and perhaps you don't need to hear about it all the time. You are too involved in your adult daughter's affairs! With this young man you seem happy you've been able to run social background checks on him. Leave it now! She could go travelling one year and fall in love with a stranger. You can have an opinion, but it's not your job to steer her any which way.

Jesus I can’t believe she told him she was on her period wtf sorry but that’s a bit grim announcing you aren’t available for sex without even going on a date with the person. I’m nearly 40 myself and defo think a 40 year old man would be delighted to bed a 22 year old and obviously isn’t just into it cos they “like the same music “ or any of that bullshit. I’d have no interest in a 22 year old myself. But some young women are into older men as well. Friends of mine slept with much older men at that age . They had experience and money plus they liked the attention I guess . She’s an adult and can do what she likes .

Met DH when I was 22 got together at 24 and he was 42, married at 27. Been married almost 17 years

I definitely think part of the outrage is that the dynamic (as well as concerns about power imbalances etc) feels unfair to middle aged women, who understandably want a man their own age but feel dismayed that they seem more attracted to women 10+ years younger. It upsets the balance as a lot of people wind up single in their 40s (age when a lot of first marriages start to implode) and it’s disheartening for them that the only men interested are at least 10 years older.

When I was 25 I dated a 51 year old. We had great sex and great fun for about 9 months. It didn't work out, but I think we both look back on it with fondness and I don't regret a minute of it.

Also, is it ok for a middle aged man to wait to have kids with a woman half his age like you say?

Maybe they just enjoy the natural beauty of a young body and prefer the zest for life that a younger mind has? Experience and wisdom brings paranoia and skepticism which are a major downside to dating a woman in their 40s

In answer to your thread title there's an obvious genuine reason why he wants to days a 22 year old - to get his hands (and willy) on some young flesh. You've identified that yourself.

She has "casual fun" on her profile and is willing to meet him and has shared details of her menstrual cycle to infer that she would/will be planning to have sex with him. He must be beside himself with excitement.

The interest expressed in dating and getting to know her ... cynically he's probably trying to make sure he gets a few repeat shags or of it because he doesn't know when he'll next have a chance with a 22 year old beauty, perhaps never.

Might want a trophy wife and a family in due course but that's really more along the same theme.

Might want to mould and control her. Not so sure about that. She sounds pretty sure of herself. So maybe, maybe not.

Probably another asset of dating someone so young is that they are unlikely to have kids, a troublesome ex husband or complicated home situation. A lot men can't be bothered with complications and just want an easy life and access to regular sex (yes that again).

Fascinated by her hobbies and personality? Well they haven't even met yet so that's unlikely. (I don't doubt that she's a lovely person but he doesn't know that yet!)

Yes of course a man almost twice as old as a 22 yesr old is going to find her attractive! Thst gors without saying, like a pointed out personally, a tad slimy for me.
Get a grip.

Your DD got poor boundaries. He knows that. There was no need to tell him that she was on her period. Why is this relevant? He is a predator and grooming your DD.

She's 21+. Once people are, I don't really care what the age gap is, they're both adults making the choices they're entitled to.

The motive could equally be he finds someone half his age more attractive, and wants a non-rushed option to have children if he doesn't already?

It's like assuming the woman that go for older men are golddiggers that want to snag an asset rich partner with the hopes and securing half of that for themselves.

Again ill point out that if a man has set his dating site age perameter for half his own age or less, there is usually a motive, for example, if a woman is half a mans age and the man is 40, the young woman in question would be a hell of alot easier to manipulate and control than a woman of the mans own age not due to the woman being stupid as someone else kindly pointed out, but due to the fact that most females lack experience with relationships at that age.Not in all cases I grant you, I am speaking from personal experience.

How does she know for a fact that he has a full time job and his own house?