To think there is no genuine reason a 40-year-old man would be interested in a 22-year-old?

Equally as valid are the reasons why a 22 year old woman is interested in a 40 year old man.,

I am inclined to number 2 of the OPs reasons, lack of forming relationships with someone similar to his own age, for whatever reason.

But it is not usual for the 'biologically healthy' young girl (bleurgh) to be even remotely interested in someone who, lets face it, is far past their prime. When they came on to us in bars/clubs to my group of friends the reactions ranged from raucous laughter to revulsion.

By their 40's men are well edging past their sexual and reproductive prime. If you want to look at it from a 'biology' standpoint, younger men are far fitter and their sperm quality is better. Young women can get their own money now, so I'm afriad unless you are sexy AND richer than the moon you are shit out of luck. Unless the girl is vulnerable in some way, it's not happening.

And any decent, put together men will be long into their marriages with devoted wives who adore them and children by that age.

The only people I ever see spouting this crap are washed up older men, pathetically chasing after women they couldn't even have gotten when they were 20, because they hope they are too young and naive to see what an old fool they are.

What?

What is the point of this whole thread then?

💯% i think it shows that she is immature, I would be worried like OP too.

You wouldn't "allow" your grown adult 22 year old to go out with someone?!
Yeah, good luck with that 😁

She is looking for sex rather than commitment

She seems to be after a friends-with-benefits type arrangement

She's an adult. So's he. If that's what they both want, what's the problem?
Age is irrelevant here if neither of them are even wanting anything committed.

Is dd's dad distant/not around much?

The only girls I knew who would have even entertained the thought of such an old man (40 seemed near enough pension age when I was in my early 20's) were those with absent or useless fathers.

I was 25 when I started seeing a 42yo…he made out he had his shit together.

Number 2 of your summary sums him up, no one his own age would put up with his man child, controlling behaviour.

We are now getting divorced.

Who talks about periods out loud? It's a bit wrong side of the tracks!
Did she start sex at an early age?

I'm so sorry, @Focusingonmybreathing

Genuine reason? You mean like sexual attraction isn’t a genuine reason? Whether two people are the same age or have 20 years between them sexual attraction is the first and foremost reason people get together. If OPs dd was seeing a 24yo do you not think they would be doing it 3 times a day? Whether MN society likes it or not it’s basic biology for a man to be attracted to a women, especially a younger one, as she is healthier and most fertile. Honestly, MN is full of threads of women whose relationship tanked because they stopped having sex. Its
nice to have shared interests and commonalities but it almost always comes
down to sex. Just because you don’t like the idea of an older man having sex with your adult daughter, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s wrong. The fact it happens (consensually) every day all around the world shows this. A huge amount of this thread is women either projecting because they have been left for a younger women or mothers who need to accept that their children are adults and capable of making their own choices. You’ve said yourself she’s looking for sex not commitment. Maybe she’s using him?

Exactly, its a ridiculous thing to say, it implies that its not on for this date, but once Ive finished its on.

It shouldnt even be discussed at all.

Surely the obvious reason is a genuine one- he fancies 22yos. It doesn't have to be anything to do with kudos or those being the only women who don't see through him. He's a creep but a genuine creep.

I was naive 19 year old when I went on a first date with a 26 year old man I met on a dating app (well in those days it was a lonely hearts page in the local newspaper).
He raped me while I cried and begged him to stop. I was genuinely on my period but that didn't stop him. He just grabbed my pad and threw it across the room.

So you’d be fine if this was your daughter in this scenario?

Exactly this, the mother daughter boundaries are all over the place anyway, OP going on 'nights outs' with her daughters friends and having discussions about graphic matters with her daughter

No wonder the daughter is an oversharer without any understanding of appropriate peers/boundaries/behaviour.

If I was being charitable, he could be after a more casual relationship rather than someone his own age who might be wanting to settle down / marry / have kids. That alone is a bit of a red flag if she wants a serious relationship. There will be plenty of men her own age who are only after sex as well. She just needs to be confident enough to stick with what she is comfortable with. Her comment about her period prior to a first date suggests either she is only interested in sex or lacks the confidence to not be pushed into it.

Im nearly 40 and I wouldn't look twice at a 22 year old thats gross

Men find younger women attractive. I don't really get why you are surprised by this. It's depressing on a number of levels and I wouldn't want my daughter ending up married to a guy who retires while she's in her forties but it's also completely normal.

She's 22 and probably should make her own judgement - but the fact she's already made an excuse to explain why she won't have sex is a bit worrying to me as it suggests she may feel some pressure for sex.

I think try to keep an open dialogue rather than being overly biased against, and encourage her to stay reflective. It makes absolute sense to me as an older adult to be cautious but a 22 year old doesn't necessarily have that experience.

Working FT and owning his own place, well first of all people can say whatever they want on the internet so this might not even be true, but second of all it doesn't at all mean he can't be an incel type. It's fairly easy for a socially withdrawn single adult at the age of 40 to have built up enough income/savings to buy a house.

If you're 44 and she's 22 you had her at about her age. I also had my first child young and the relationship that happened in wasn't a healthy one at all. Is it possible you are worried she is repeating patterns that harmed you?

Meeting him in public, and letting other people (e.g. you, her friends) know of the plans is sensible. See how she feels after the date.

You say she's looking for more of a FWB situation - has she done this before? I don't think this is necessarily a problem, and it might also make the age gap less relevant. If they are both open that they are intending to meet for sex rather than a serious relationship, then it does make it less unlikely that he is stringing her along. Maybe he does just want sex as well? Most 40 year old blokes probably wouldn't turn down sex with a 22yo woman if they were single and interested.

If she was a friend of mine I would recommend one of Natalie Lue's books or her podcast. They are good groundings in how to recognise hallmarks of a healthy vs unhealthy relationship. I liked her blog a lot when I was 22.

You (or she) could also consider making a Sarah's Law application, though I think it would be massively overstepping to do that before the first date. Wait and see what she thinks. She might totally go off him in person anyway. I have not personally done online dating, but people I know who do say it's imperative to meet the person IRL ASAP, because if you spend too long chatting online, you can build up a relationship with essentially a different version of the person because half of them is what you're imagining in your head.

“He wants to take her out for dinner on Monday. She's told him she's on her period”

WTF! She sounds incredibly naive and she needs to know that it’s up to her when she sleeps with someone, regardless of a man’s expectations.

On the original point- Yanbu, I’d definitely be unhappy.

I think ages gap relationships are all kinds of wrong, but do be honest I don't think the same about a one night stands or friends with benefits situation.

A relationship with that much of an age gap is bad because of the power dynamics. The older person in the relationship is always going to have more power, more experience, more money etc. On top of that they're going to be at completely different stages in life.

That doesn't really matter with a friend's with benefits situation. So you're at different life stages, who cares, it's not like you're going to be living together or married or having kids. And the power dynamics just isn't there when you're both just using each other to have a fun evening and some sex every couple of weeks.

My god, she tells a bloke nearly double her age she has never met that she is on her period when they meet?
Is this honestly what is happening?
I would be very concerned if I were you.