To think there is no genuine reason a 40-year-old man would be interested in a 22-year-old?

Again....

Why would a 22 year old woman want to date a 40 year old man?

Your DD has chosen to go on a date with this man, why is that?

I don't know how old my aunt was when she met my uncle, but she must have been in her early-ish 20s. He was in his 40s. They married, had a child, and were happy together until he passed away a couple of years ago.

So yes, it can be a genuine relationship, even if you don't find in particularly palatable. I understand your doubts and worries, but it really depends on the two of them. Many younger men will come with worse problems and red flags than this one, probably.

It isn't an edifying reason but the primary reason he is likely interested in her is because he is sexually attracted to her. I always recall a dating app releasing data on their users and it showed that the men on the app consistently preferred women between the age of about 20 - 22 years old. This was true if the man was 20 himself or 55 while women generally preferred men around their own age whatever their own age was.

I think the same data also showed that even if a man of 40 had an age range selected between say 35 and 45, they consistently spend more time looking at, chatting to and messaging women at the very lowest part of their specified age range and often much younger even if they were most likely to actually get a date with women closer to their own age.

Depressing but the data is fairly conclusive that men will choose a younger, and even a much younger partner if they can get one.

@Frequency Just because their values and goals don't align with yours, doesn't mean all those in their early twenties are children!

I'm a 40 year old female and in a relationship with a 25 year old (male) and it is the most healthy, mature relationship I have ever been in. We both want the same things in life and he is most certainly not a child.

I don't think anyone can generalise about age gap relationships. If it works, then it works.

In the TV programme - the older man is a friend of the mum not just some random.

I would certainly be concerned. My age gap is 10 years and I do know people with an age gap of 19 who have a really strong relationship. There are all kinds of issues there though longer term. Would he want children in his 60s? Is he actually looking for someone with limited life experience he can walk over? I think you need to smile and nod a lot. If you voice your concern, you risk driving her more towards him rather than away.

My parents had an age gap of twenty years. They met at work, so not quite the same as OLD, but they were happily married for forty years.

I have friends who have a thirty year age gap! When I first met then I wondered what I've earth was going on with them, but they are so well matched and such great people, that I barely even notice any more. But again, their relationship grew organically. It's the OLD bit that would give me pause if it was in OP's situation.

The key thing here is that she hasn't even met the man and she's already "hinting" that they can have sex after she's had her period.

Again, they haven't even met and they're already discussing when they're going to have sex.

Can you see how inappropriate and potentially dangerous this is?

Maybe he just finds younger women more attractive?
Which is true on the whole imo.
Question is what does she see in him?
An older man approached my little sister, she's 25 and I told her the pitfalls of being wirh a middle aged man, I mean come on you miss out on energy.
I don't care how fit some middle aged men are, they'll never be naturally full of health and vitality as men in their 20s!
Thankfully I got through to my little sister

I think having the same tastes, niche interests, certain personalities can make for a successful age gap relationship. Especially if she is more mature and he still quite youthful in outlook.

I'd be concerned if he had a habit of always going for much younger women. It's sometimes about the physical attraction to younger women but also the avoidance of grown up expectations imo which means there can't be any longevity. Which is fine if that's not an expectation. Other thing is maintaining own interests when theirs are more established.

YANBU to tell her to be mindful but YABU to get involved when you don't actually know the guy or how it might pan out.

This is not right but how do you want to proceed OP? If you tell her not to see him she probably
will anyway and it will all be kept very secret. My daughter went out with a 45 yr old man at a similar age. I hated it but just watched and waited for it to end, which it will. The difference in maturity is unlikely to sustain the relationship. It took 6 months for it to fizzle out and didn’t ruin my relationship with my daughter. It does need sensitive handling. At that age they think they know best.

Your daughter isn't looking for a serious relationship but rather a FWB type of arrangement. You've also said that your daughter thinks he's interested in a relationship with her. Which is it that she wants....a relationship or FWB, because a FWB isn't really a relationship (well not in my book!).

Is it possible that this man is looking for a 'sugar baby' type of arrangement? I'm not suggesting money is exchanging hands, but it could be gifts, weekend breaks, festivals, holidays etc. It's consideration, particularly as your daughter was frustrated by her ex boyfriend's lack of finances.

I wouldn't have told someone who I hadn't even been on one date, that I had my period. I can see where your daughter is coming from, he knows from the start where he stands. My thought though, would be a decent bloke shouldn't think sex is on the cards on a first date, let alone expect it!!!

Does make you wonder what he wants with someone almost 20yrs younger

I find it very weird she said she had her period

Sex, sex, sex.
He wants a hot young 20-something. (Possibly for more than a ONS, possibly not.)
Not great but as long as your DD is aware and quite likes the idea of an older man that’s ok. Ish.
(I’d have the ick myself,)

Very odd from DD 🤦‍♀️

YADNBU, but I\m really not comfortable with her sharing details of her menstrual cycle with a first date. There's no world in which that should be considered normal.

he just wants to shag hot young 22 year old body. What do you mean by not genuine? It’s a genuine reason too 😹

Yes, an apparently a lot of women in their 40s/50s are dating young men.
As you say, some people, of either gender, seem happy.
Personally I wouldn't, but that's just me. And tbh, I do have friends in different age groups and do think it's a positive thing-from older coworkers, I learned about different things and tried eg music/films I might not have otherwise.

I think we can come to some type of agreement that, for now at least, your DD just likes dating older men.

The period thing is a massive red flag IMO. I did quite a lot of OLD in my 20s and at no point did I feel it necessary to inform the person I was dating (especially before a first date) whether sex was on the cards or if I was menstruating.

Either they've discussed this being a FWB situation and she's making it clear that sex isn't on the cards because she's on her period. But, she's effectively suggested to him that she'll be up for sex the next time. They haven't even met yet.

Or she's nervous she's going to be pressured into sex on the first date so she's making it clear that she won't be able to, although some men would be happy to have sex whilst a women is on her period.

Since you clearly have quite an open dialogue with DD on this I would want to understand what conversations have they already had to lead her to think that sharing the status of her menstrual cycle was a good idea, as I think she's putting herself in a very vulnerable position with a virtual stranger.

I had a long-term male friend my age who started dating a 24 year old woman when he and I were 40. They just hit it off really well. She was quite mature and he was probably autistic and therefore not as worldly as a lot of men that age. They had about four happy years together and then broke up amicably. A harmless and sweet relationship.

Not to say this is all fine, and I think there were some differences because of the age gap, but ultimately I wouldn't judge until you have met him.

She sounds vulnerable. She is revealing too much to him - a total.stranger - before a date.

I am cynical.and would guess he is pretending to be into the same anime etc as her. Which is creepy.

You sound like you've got a lot of issues there to unpack yourself.