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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed about DP saying my brother has ruined our holiday?

311 replies

Lisatron · 01/06/2026 20:42

I'm currently away in Spain with DP, DD4, DS1 and my brother (22), I'm quite close to my brother and he comes over often when we're at home.

In the past he has struggled mentally, he's also T1 diabetic and while as a teen he ate alot of sugary things and didn't do his insulin and as a result he was very unwell. He's also got a habit of drinking too much which he can't do and he was once left by his ‘ friends’ when he had q hypo so I do worry about him lot, even though it's well managed he can make silly decisions especially when struggling.

Our mum mentioned to me before we left that he had been acting off again but he was saying he was “fine”, I hadn't noticed anything but I obviously kept it in mind.

We got here Saturday and it was already off to a bad start due to our flight being delayed, yesterday was good until last night when brother disappeared without saying where he was going. It turns out he was in a bar drinking on his own.

Long story short, he had a hypo and was argumentative when I was trying to help him, DP had our children with him and I was with my brother, he was eventually fine but I stayed with him in his room to keep an eye on him. He's spent the day in his room sleeping off his hangover

Dp wasn't pleased about me staying in his hotel room as the baby kept waking and he said “so much for a relaxing holidays” (as if we could get one with kids anyway) and was annoyed that he hasn't joined us so far after we paid for the holiday and has said it's like having another kid but instead we have a manchild acting like a moody teenager so tonight we've argued because he's annoyed that I'm obviously worried about my brother
he's now stormed out too after saying he's ruined the holiday

AIBU here or is he?

OP posts:
SapphOhNo · 01/06/2026 22:49

YABVU

OffredxJune · 01/06/2026 22:48

He needs to start taking care of his diabetes better. Or act a bit more like an adult. Im team DH here

AutisticLass2026 · 01/06/2026 22:47

I would never ever have put my brother's before my own family much as I adore them. Your the one in the wrong enabling an adult child instead of concentrating on your own children and dh...He is absolutely right your brother has spoiled the holiday, if he gets into trouble that's his problem your problem is your own family not a brother not being responsible!

Endorewitch · 01/06/2026 22:44

You are putting your brother first. I understand you care for him and you sound like a caring yister,but you are allowing him to ruin your holixay. Not fair on your DH.
Someone with his problems shouldnt be with you on holiday.
The holiday is already ruined and will likely get worse.

Neighbours87 · 01/06/2026 22:40

Unfortunately your brother’s behaviour is not uncommon for young men with diabetes. You’re in a tough position trying to do right by your brother and I commend you for looking out for him. However your partner isn’t srong either. I’d apologise tonyour dp and sadly I wouldn’t take your brother on holidays again

CactusPeach · 01/06/2026 22:39

Your brother is being unreasonable, but your husband's comment feels off to me, the baby would have woken up regardless so his complaint about not getting a relaxing holidays sounds like he's annoyed that he had to see to the baby because you weren't there to do it.

Copperoliverbear · 01/06/2026 22:38

I agree with your husband. He’s a man child probably needs counselling and aa meetings and sorry to say but your make excuses for his behaviour. Lots of us have had stuff happen but we have to move on and grow up.

happysinglemama · 01/06/2026 22:38

Of course your brother has ruined the holiday !!

Justusethebloodyphone · 01/06/2026 22:32

Sounds like it’s time for a firm conversation with your brother. He is ruining your holiday and I get you are defensive about that but you have to prioritise your family. It may have been your brothers idea to bring your brother for babysitting but it’s highly unlikely he imagined this scenario.

it sounds like your brother has been babied a lot and their may be more than diabetes at play.

Endoadnowarrior · 01/06/2026 22:29

It doesn't sound like your DP is annoyed that you're worried about your brother, more that he's annoyed that your brother is behaving appallingly and his behaviour is disrespectful to your family.
Your brother is an adult making bad decisions, and its impacting on your holiday. So yeah he's not being unreasonable for that and YABU for excusing your brother's behaviour.

I so however think he is BU for being annoyed at you for not being there when the baby kept waking, as if its just YOUR job? That said, its discombobulating for little ones on holiday so you really shouldn't be in the position of having to babysit a grown adult rather than prioritising your own child's needs.

Confuserr · 01/06/2026 22:28

Lisatron · 01/06/2026 22:23

DP was the one that suggested we invite brother for free on the basis he babysits for us during the holiday.

He doesn't have form for doing things like this, yes every now and then he drinks too much but usually he manages it well and the times he does go too far he's with friends and not on his own in a bar like last night. But as I said he manages it well apart from that and he's able to hold down a manager type role at a place he's worked for years and has worked his way up

So he has self-control but he decided not to exercise it when he'd been taken away (kindly) on holiday? That isn't exactly better.

PenelopePinkerton · 01/06/2026 22:24

Lisatron · 01/06/2026 22:23

DP was the one that suggested we invite brother for free on the basis he babysits for us during the holiday.

He doesn't have form for doing things like this, yes every now and then he drinks too much but usually he manages it well and the times he does go too far he's with friends and not on his own in a bar like last night. But as I said he manages it well apart from that and he's able to hold down a manager type role at a place he's worked for years and has worked his way up

You sound like you are in denial about your brothers issues🤷‍♂️

Original poster
Lisatron · 01/06/2026 22:23

DP was the one that suggested we invite brother for free on the basis he babysits for us during the holiday.

He doesn't have form for doing things like this, yes every now and then he drinks too much but usually he manages it well and the times he does go too far he's with friends and not on his own in a bar like last night. But as I said he manages it well apart from that and he's able to hold down a manager type role at a place he's worked for years and has worked his way up

OP posts:
Wonderlandpeony · 01/06/2026 22:21

As another poster has said, what on earth were you thinking of, taking him on holiday with you and your young children?

TokyoSushi · 01/06/2026 22:18

He’s not been an ideal holiday companion though, has he? Your DP is right…

PenelopePinkerton · 01/06/2026 22:17

Your brother is a dick and your DH is very tolerant. I’d have binned you off long ago with your enabling behaviour towards your brother.

babyproblems · 01/06/2026 22:17

I think you’re a bit mad to take someone who is so unstable on a ‘relaxing’ holiday. I get the impression you and your mum make excuses for him.. he sounds v immature. If you knew you were diabetic- which is serious - why on earth would you do these things?! It’s quite odd behaviour and not rational.

At 22 he needs to know better..

cantthinkofagoodusername1 · 01/06/2026 22:11

I think DH has the patience of a saint to even agree to DB coming on the holiday in the first place, given his history.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 01/06/2026 22:11

Lisatron · 01/06/2026 21:28

We invited my brother on holiday because we are close, and yes he does come over regularly but usually of an evening when DP is at work (as he works shifts) and the dc are in bed. When my mum went away she did ask me to keep an eye on brother for her which I did as she does worry about him. Although he does usually control his diabetes pretty well most of the time.

DP also thought he could have the dc for a few hours on this holiday whilst we have time to ourselves and the dc do adore him and vice versa.

He is embarrassed today and feeling sorry for himself more than anything and has begged me not to tell DM

And you still haven't said what you disagree with or why you're upset at your DH. Do you think your DH is wrong rnsh he ruined the holding it are you upset at your DH for calling it out?

Yes it's nice that's you're close and all that but he still needs to look after himself and make better decisions and as others have rightfully said you are enabling him.

Dollymylove · 01/06/2026 22:07

I'm with your DP on this. You knew your brother had form for this kind of behaviour so why take him on holiday with you?

Soontobe60 · 01/06/2026 22:06

Lisatron · 01/06/2026 21:28

We invited my brother on holiday because we are close, and yes he does come over regularly but usually of an evening when DP is at work (as he works shifts) and the dc are in bed. When my mum went away she did ask me to keep an eye on brother for her which I did as she does worry about him. Although he does usually control his diabetes pretty well most of the time.

DP also thought he could have the dc for a few hours on this holiday whilst we have time to ourselves and the dc do adore him and vice versa.

He is embarrassed today and feeling sorry for himself more than anything and has begged me not to tell DM

Both you and your DM need to stop treating him like a child. He is an adult, he knows what happens when he makes poor choices regarding his condition. Begging you not to tell your DM is, quite frankly, childish.
I would be furious if I were your DP.

NoisyMonster678 · 01/06/2026 22:05

OP, I am a T1 diabetic myself and have been since childhood.

Your DH has a point and I agree with him.

Your brother chose to go off to the bar and it you were tasked with looking after him instead of your baby and that would not have happened if he had not been selfish and not drink himself into a stupour.

T1 diabetics have even more resonsibility, no matter how young they are to manage their condition, so that it does not interfere with other peoples' plans. In this case, he has disrupted you holiday.

Hodge00079 · 01/06/2026 22:02

Brother has ruined holiday. However, moaning about baby I am wondering if normally falls on you to take care of them.

AzureLurker · 01/06/2026 22:02

Controversial perhaps but I think you might all be being unreasonable. I agree with everyone's posts I have read about your brother BU as he isnt managing his condition and is putting your holiday at risk, you for enabling him, and I completely agree that your partner is annoyed but, is he also annoyed that you are not there to deal with the baby waking so HE can have a relaxing holiday?

Witchonenowbob · 01/06/2026 22:01

YABU not your DH!

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