To be annoyed about DP saying my brother has ruined our holiday?

My grandpa was a very controlling diabetic who would deliberately have hypos to get what he wanted. Like to get attention, people to come back early from trips etc. I dont blame your DH at all.

You are being completely unreasonable and should apologise to your husband as should your brother.

Dp wasn't pleased about me staying in his hotel room as the baby kept waking and he said “so much for a relaxing holidays”
It wasn't you being in another room or your brother sleeping that was causing the baby to wake up. That suggests he feels you should have been in the room so that he could relax and not be disturbed by his baby waking up while you dealt with getting him/her back to sleep. So in that respect, fuck him.

As much as you care about someone who can be problematic it's never a good idea to have them join you on holiday. Even if their behaviour can be managed and worked around, it's unnecessary effort. You know that now and I don't suppose you would have your brother join your family on holiday again. Hopefully your DP will accept it's a lesson learned for both of you, because he must have agreed to your brother joining you even if he had reservations. He didn't say absolutely not. And hopefully, he will now try to make the best of the resto of the holiday.

You sound more like you’re married to your brother, it’s quite odd.

I think all 3 of you are irresponsible for different reasons, DH probably got pissed off cos the babysitter got pissed, sister babysat him & DH got left with the babysitting. What a shit show, poor children.

You both made the wrong decision to allow DB to come with you on holiday and be responsible for your young kids.

And i think it sounds like you are too involved at home. I don’t know how you are managing that and your 2 young kids.

If your DH was aware of DB's history and was been fully onboard with DB coming on holiday, then his annoyance and sulking is really uncalled for.

But was he? Or did he express reservations about taking your DB on holiday with you? Because if so, does seem pretty unfair to take an adult (albeit a young one) who fairly frequently makes choices that put him in dangerous situations with anyone who isn't fully onboard with it.

And also, in any case, unwise to do so when you have young children in your care.

Loving your DB is good, and it sounds like he has challenges that a lot of us would struggle with too, but it doesn't mean it's okay to require others to put up with him messing them around.

I'm with your partner. Also, your brother doesn't sound like someone suitable to leave your kids with.

You asked if you ABU. Everyone is saying yes. Yet you are still making excuses. You and your brother are being unreasonable and have ruined the holiday. You're another case of
"AIBU"?
Posters overwhelmingly: "yes".
You. "No I'm not because..."

Don't ask a question on here if you won't accept the verdict.

Your brother is being mollycoddled and needs to stand on his own two feet. If that means he has a bad episode and ends up in hospital, so be it. It might make him grow up faster and take responsibility. He won't do that if you and his mum are babysitting him when you need to make him fend for himself and stand on his own feet. No interference from either of you. It's hard, but as the daughter of a dad who had similar, walking away is the only way to do it sometimes.

Why are you so defensive of your brother and dismissive of your DP?

How come your brother can spoil two days of the holiday without ruining it (in your view), but your DP sulking for one day is ruining it?

Your marriage may come into bigger problems if you continue to take your family’s side over your husband, even in the face of your husband’s objectively reasonable criticism.

I get your concern for your brother, but his attitude to his diabetes is self destructive and it sounds like he needs therapy and psychological care to try get to the root of the issue, rather than your babying of him which is just transparent paper over the cracks. It’s the longer term health issues that he should be concerned with - the serious consequences of badly managed diabetes will show up in his 40s/50s but it’s not too late for him to turn things around.

You’re blaming your DP for his reaction to the situation and not your DB for his actions? How come your DB gets a fools pardon but your DP who had a rubbish night parenting the DC whilst you parented your DB isn’t allowed to be annoyed? Likely if you were dismissive when DP raised the issues that’s made it worse. You seem very protective over DB but not understanding of DPs pov at all.

But your brother has ruined the holiday? DH is just speaking his truth and yabu taking your brothers side. I appreciate he clearly has some mh issues and probably needs some help but also he is an adult and has spoilt the trip with his behaviour

Your DH is a saint frankly - no way would I put up with this bullshit!

Yep sorry OP but if this was reversed and it was my DH's brother I'd be point blank refusing to go away with brother ever again. You get maybe 10-15 years of memorable holidays whilst your kids are young. Your priority is to make them memorable for the right reasons. None of you should have to feel stressed or distracted or unsafe because of an adult who needs to grow the fuck up. I appreciate that you love your brother but you have your own family and dependents now so you really need to sort your priorities out.

It's a bit dramatic to declare the entire holiday ruined over one disrupted night. Is your DP pissed that he had to take care of the baby overnight? Does he get up in the night with baby when you're home?

Or a reverse? Is it the husband’s brother?

All the shit with your brother aside, I think your DH is out of order being annoyed with you because he was woken in the night by the baby. Sounds like he is thinking that you should be the one to get up in the night with the baby every night so he can have his ‘relaxing’ holiday

Your brother is 22 - an adult

Your DP has gone on holiday with 2 DC and DP who are his priority

Its also his holiday

So yes its quite fair for him to say your brother has ruined the holiday , Im pretty sure he didnt expect you to be babysitting a grown man when he was looking chill and family time

Your holiday might not be ruined, as you are used to bailing out your brother, but you DP is not wrong for saying as far as he is concerned, his holiday has been ruined

Your brother is someone who needs compassion and support AND is an entitled spoilt brat. You and DH are both correct.

Only your DH knows if he feels his holiday’s been ruined, you can’t deny him that feeling.

Your brother drinks enough where it seriously impacts his physical and mental health so I would call that being an alcoholic OP. He can't say no to alcohol.

Your attitude is going to send your brother to an early death, is that what you really want? Of course not so why are you trying to minimise the problem?

#TeamDH from a supposed MN manhater.

So your DP was hoping that your brother would babysit, and is also cross because you weren't in the room when the baby woke in the night. It seems to me that his main beef is that he's had to look after his own children unexpectedly when he was hoping not to have to bother. Surprised at the replies tbh.

I agree one hundred percent with your DP. Sounds like he’s got the two kids and you’ve been lumbered with your irresponsible, vulnerable brother.

Doesn’t sound remotely relaxing for anyone.

YABU. Your brother and you by pandering to him are absolutely ruining the holiday.

He doesn’t sound responsible enough to be babysitting your DC

If he is 22 how has he been working for years to get to manager level

Get a grip op. Your dp sulking for a day is not a bigger impact than your brother being there for the whole holidays because yes it’s only been 2 days and he’s actively been ruining the holiday. Your dp is being honest with you, and you are not listening. As for your who gets to relax on a holiday with kids anyway what an incredible dismissive attitude. Every parent knows holidays with kids are more relaxing with two parents pulling their weight and you aren’t. You owe your dp an apology, and your brother needs a sharp talking to , starting with you’re 22 and being very stupid, I’ll keep no secrets from mum for you. I’ve told her already and how angry I am. I have my own kids, and you need to pull yourself together and grow up. This holiday is now teetotal for you or we will send you back home.

We have T1 in the family, and no way would I not tell the mum if one of the 22yos did this.