To be annoyed about DP saying my brother has ruined our holiday?

“dp going off and sulking is ruining the holiday.”

OP, wake up and smell the coffee. Your DB going off and getting drunk is what has spoiled the holiday. You say, “in the past, he has struggled mentally”, he’s “got a habit of drinking too much which he can't do”, he “makes silly decisions”; your “mum mentioned to me before we left that he had been acting off again” and the first day of the holiday he goes off on a bender and has to stay in bed all day sleeping off his hangover. Your DP has quite rightly observed that “it’s like having another kid”, but in spite of all the above, you both think your DB is a suitable babysitter for your DC, so that the pair of you can have “time to yourselves”? Sorry, OP, but no matter how much your DC like their uncle, he simply doesn’t sound responsible enough to be left with your DC. And please don’t blame your partner for what is your brother’s fault.

I feel sorry for your Husband.

Your partner is correct and you need to stop making excuses for your brother.

I can’t believe you have written the post and not know that you are being very, very unreasonable. Your brother IS spoiling your holiday and you are putting the needs of your pain in the arse brother before your DH and children. If I were your DH I’d be furious. Also sounds like your mother has palmed your brother off on you to give herself a break.

I understand that you are close to your brother, I really do, but your priority should be the family that you created - partner and children. Unfortunately, even though you asked AIBU its clear from your posts that you will defend your brother to the hilt, even though most responses agree with DP. You and your brother need to cut the apron strings - he is too dependent on you and isn't taking responsibility for himself or his condition, meanwhile you are infantalising him under the guise of 'being close'. You are both adults and you have a family to consider. Don't wait until your relationship is in the toilet to make changes.

Your brother needs to get away for one day for a day trip by himself whilst you reconnect as a family to reset the holiday. And both men need to grow up.

T1 is not a condition removing someone's ability to make good or poor choices. Your brother is just an immature man-child.

Your DH was nuts to think that he was going to babysit the kids though, I think its just the realisation that your brother can't be left to babysit as he can't be trusted and never planned to do that role thats made the sulk. Going out and getting pissed removed any doubt.

Unless brother is so utterly contrite that he makes all the moves to repair the damage, I'd tell him to go home.
Lessons learnt.

I have a younger brother who has additional needs. It can feel like my responsibility and growing up, it definitely felt like the family focus was on helping him and supporting him. So I understand how this can become normalised. But you need to step back and focus on your own family - he’s an adult now and needs to grow up and take responsibility.

Is it possible to get your brother an early flight back so you can have some time to focus on your husband and children? Your brother clearly isn’t enjoying himself if it’s a couple days in and you’ve already had some drama over a delayed flight and a drunken mess to deal with. Your two toddlers need you more.

I'm with DH.

Diabetis is not a problem here, drinking and enabling poor choices are.

You prioritize your brother over marriage and your own family. Which is fine, if that's what you want. DH may not.

Yabu. Your dp is not helping by sulking and he was daft thinking it was a good idea to invite your brother along to babysit. Your brother seems to like victim mode so carries out self destructive behavior to get your attention and sympathy. And it's working. If you can afford, get therapy, to really start understand your role in your brother's behaviour and what you can do to change this narrative. For this holiday, be clear to your brother, your focus is on your kids.

You obviously only want to hear your DP is ruining the holiday when it is your brother and you that are ruining your DP and children's holiday by both of your actions

I’m with DP here to be honest.

Sounds as though your brother HAS ruined your holiday. Did your DP want him to come? I bet he didn’t.

This. 100%.

Your husband is correct, your brother is a grown man old enough to look after himself and is acting like the third child. You can care for someone without mothering them which sounds like what you are doing and in turn he’s acting like a child. I’d be annoyed too if I was your husband.

Yabu as your brother has acted awfully and selfishly. He's 22 not 16 and needs to grow up

Dh must feel like he has brought a spoilt teenager on the family holiday

However, dh now needs to draw a line under brothers behaviour, as long as brother is willing to stop drinking for the rest of the holiday.

Dh will ruin the rest of the holiday if he keeps on going on about the other night and sulking. Everyone needs to move on

Diabetes is a chronic health condition and you can become overwhelmed and depressed even if you usually manage it well. Did your brother say he'll have the kids some time in the rest of the holiday? DH sulking is obviously not helping anything either. I think he is BU.

AIBU?

Yes.

No I’m not - you’re all wrong.

Sounds like so far he has ruined the holiday?
But why is your husband annoyed that the baby woke up? Is it always you that deals with that?

Guarantee we’ll be reading your post down the line that your husband has left you and you have no idea why!

You’re enabling your brothers poor behaviour patterns and he unfortunately won’t learn until he’s unfortunately felt the consequences for his actions!

I feel for you I really do, I have a sibling in a similar situation who I love dearly but I had to take a step back as they’re an adult and my babies have to come first before anything else! It’s not easy but your children need you more and your brother! He needs to help him self and by helping him you’re actually helping him self destruct and take no accountability for his actions!

Wow, I can’t beleive your attitude, you place your brother well above your own family by a long way. That’s quite shocking. Your poor husband,

Your brother is being completely unreasonable by thinking that as a T1 diabetic he can go out and get drunk without suffering any effects. It would be bad enough if he didn't have T1 but he's being a complete fool. For info my oldest who has had T1 for 25 years, doesn't drink because it's well known that alcohol and T1 don't mix well. I would be angry if I was your DH, your brother could die due to stupidity.

Was brother aware he was meant to be there for childcare reasons? Maybe part of his excessive drinking was to avoid the whole situation of being the hired help and have a 'fun' holiday of drinking at the expense of someone else.

As others have said at 22 your brother is old enough to understand the consequences of his diabetes and managing it. I don't think I would want to be leaving him with the children alone as he doesn't sound responsible at all.
I don't get why you would want to invite him along to a family holiday on his own either. Surely he is just a third wheel and it always had potential to be awkward in him finding a group of lads to hang out with.

Your brother needs to apologise and make amends for the rest of the holiday. Hopefully, the embarrassment will stay with him and he won't behave so recklessly in future.

Your husband has every right to be angry, I would he livid. However, banging on about the holiday being ruined with actually ruin the holiday.

You sound too soft on your brother and ready to makes excuses, which isn't going to help him - have you tried to have an honest conversation about what's going on with him? I don't think you were unreasonable to stay with him - he may have acted like a dickhead, but you're hardly going to just leave him to it after a hypo (whatever the cause).

Wow, you and your mum really pander to your brother. My step dad and my nephew are both type 1 diabetics. I leave them to it. They are ADULTS and on the (multiple) times my step dad has gone too far drinking and gory himself I refuse to get involved because he’s an adult with capacity and I refuse to let his poor choices ruin my life. I’m not an emergency service. I’m a person with feelings and boundaries. He’s currently wearing a boot after breaking his ankle a few weeks ago. Last year it was a broken collar bone. Before that it was broken ribs. I refuse to enable him.

I’m not saying don’t care for your brother. I’m not saying don’t see him. I’m saying stop being his emotional support sippy cup and let him learn the consequences of his poor choices because right now you aren’t even BEGINNING to help him to be accountable for his actions or take personal responsibility for his ( awful) life choices. You and your mum just swoop in and run interference and enable him. And then SURPRISE! He does it again and again.

if I was your DH I’d be fuming to. Honestly, prioritise your actual collagen and DH instead of enabling your adult sibling.