To be annoyed about DP saying my brother has ruined our holiday?

You are being unfair

It sounds as though your brother is a big part of your life OP, you say he often comes over. Perhaps for the sake of your marriage and nuclear family you should holiday without your brother, so you can have some quality time without having to think about your brothers wellbeing all the time.

He has ruined your holiday though. 🤷 I agree with your partner. For me a holiday is family time and I wouldn't want to be stuck in a hotel room while my partner and children are away having fun. My children are also 1 and 4 and require both of us to watch them at the beach, in a busy place and swimming. It's probably been stressful for your partner. The children would be excited, tired and a bit overwhelmed being in a strange place and he's coping with them by himself as your brother is being an idiot. If my partner took his brother with us as a third wheel and he acted like than I'd just give up on the holiday and go home. I'm be fuming.

I don't think your partner is being reasonable. I think he's adding to the problem rather than contributing to moving forward and being a bit dramatic about one night.

It's not unreasonable for your brother to go to a bar by himself and not unreasonable for him to want time away from the rest of you.

There is some harm reduction advice for diabetics who choose to drink alcohol - it's worth finding it. Different alcohols have differing levels of carbohydrates. There's a huge lack of understanding about the impact of diabetes on 'normal' rites of passage - somebody of 22 should be able to get drunk on holiday with the most likely consequence being a hangover.

If your brother can't manage his own hypos he's at risk of not being allowed to drive for a while. It's worth thinking about where he is - able to manage but it's easier if you're around or unable to manage without someone else's help.

What you can do: really clear communication about which activities you're doing together / who is responsible for which children and when/ what alone time everybody gets. It's obvious from that that you can't be drunk in charge of children. Remember it's everybody's holiday. Unless you agreed in advance with your brother he was on call for childcare all the time, it's not fair to expect him to remain sober the whole time.

You might be able to model safer alcohol consumption for your brother by having wine with meals / spirits as a nightcap if you also drink alcohol.

His diabetes nurse / one of the diabetes charities may be able to help with adjusting insulin if it's getting hard for him to work out the adjustments needed for the time change / different temperatures / less familiar foods if he's trying to count the carbohydrates. His reaction to alcohol at the bar may be exaggerated because of the other stuff meaning it might be less bad later in the week once he's acclimatised. I bet the diabetes nurses have 'cheat sheets' for less intense concentration on diabetes management at times when that's too hard. 'diabetes distress' is worth looking up.

Who is your loyalty too, your husband or your brother? Stop babying your adult brother and focus on your family.

He has. I would never have taken him on holiday anyway, he drinks and neglects his health, too much responsibility for you and Dp since you have your children to care for

That’s what I thought. The op and hee brother need to grow up.

@WhereYouLeftIt people who have T1 have to grow up quickly. They are expected to deal with their own injections, monitor their blood sugar readings and make sure they always have some snacks on them in case of hypos
That doesn't mean that I didn't remind my DS when he was diagnosed what he had to do. But it did mean that he had to think, when at school or otherwise out with friends, about his blood sugars and to recognize when a hypo was starting. It's the same with lots of chronic conditions. The person with the condition has a different life to theifriends.

Sorry quoted wrong person and can't edit.

Having said that, both the men in OP's life need to grow up a bit, take more responsibility for their actions and situations they put themselves in!

What situation did OPs husband put himself in exactly? He was the one on on holidays minding their shared children while OP had to mind her stupid little drunk brother

Stop enabling your brother

You're annoyed at the wrong person here OP...........

If my own brother was carrying on this way I would be very annoyed at him. And would fully agree with my husband.

Has anyone on this thread ever met a 22 year old man? They're infamous for stupid stupid decisions, thinking they are immortal, massive MASSIVE risk takers, that's why they need friends and family looking out for them, not pandering to them, but definitely it's normal to worry and keep an eye. Does anyone read the news and see how many countless stupid deaths are caused by young men taking stupid risks. Not sure why everyone is being quite so annoyed with the OP for worrying about him when he has an additional problem do just being a 22 year old man!

Having said that, both the men in OP's life need to grow up a bit, take more responsibility for their actions and situations they put themselves in!

I have an adult child who has T1. I know exactly what happens if people with T1 drink too much. The answer is that the diabetic doesn't get drunk, only drinks with food and takes responsibility for their actions. That isn't happening here. As I said my child doesn't drink alcohol. That's his choice, he didn't want to get drunk, get a severe hypo and be left in the gutter because people thought ' oh he's just a drunk'. It's called managing a chronic condition with responsibility.

Of course people with Type I diabetes can drink. What they cant do is abdicate responsibility for their condition, so they need to test regularly, ideally have some food with the alcohol, make sure they have sugar with them (as PPs have said), and avoid drinking alone as then there is no one on hand to help out in an emergency.

OP's brother sounds like he has been able to avoid managing his condition properly as his mother and sister have been doing it for him. This isn't actually doing him any favours in the long run so the sooner he is forced to face up to it, the better for everyone.

Team DP here. Put the manchild on the next flight back to his mummy and start putting your DP and kids first.

It is ONE night ONE ffs the drama is excruciating all DP had to say was i dont want that to happen again he isnt being invited next time and carry on with the holiday he didn't need to escalate a bad situation unless there is a drip feed an OP was tube feeding the alcohol to her diabetic brother its not her fault

Tears dont lead to death a drunk diabetic can go sideways fast hell even a regular drunk person can have issues

Plus why is it such an issue he had to deal with his own kids alone? it cant have been that bad if OP can deal with it alone presumably without a lot of sleep

Im struggling to see where DP paid for the entire holiday?

Why are you even asking you clearly don’t feel your brother has ruined the holiday.
he has. He’s old enough to know better than drinking and diabetes doesn’t work, but you made excuses for his sugary food as a teen, his poor decision making in drinking too much when out and it’s everyone else’s fault but his.
you should have just gone with your brother and left your dp at home with the kids

I would be cross if my DH had been off dealing with a drunk diabetic rather than dealing with crying children.

It's day three? and was it made clear he would be on babysitter duties constantly or was it framed as a free holiday and by the way if you could watch the kids for a couple of hours one night that would be great?

There is a difference between your our personal nanny this holiday and come on holiday it will be fun

Is your DH annoyed becuase he had to look after the children on his own and he's not used to it or assumes its your job?

This does not excuse your brother's behaviour but your DH reaction also seems extreme. What else is going on?

Your brother is definitely ruining the holiday. You should be backing your partner on this and setting some firm boundaries with your brother. It also sounds as though you may be enabling him to some extent if you genuinely don't think he has a problem with alcohol. Drinking to the point of making himself seriously ill, especially when he's drinking alone, is a significant red flag.

I can also see why your husband is so frustrated if he feels you're constantly making excuses for your brother or minimising his behaviour. From his perspective, he's having to deal with the fallout while you're reluctant to hold your brother accountable.

That said, inviting your brother on holiday primarily to help with childcare was a poor decision from the outset. Your husband shares responsibility for that choice, so while your brother's behaviour is the immediate issue, the consequences are something you and your husband need to deal with together.

Agree with DP, particularly for the children.
never again, I would be saying.