Am I being unfair about a friends excitement over my pregnancy

Yes I think so too. She’s lining you up either for money, childcare swaps or to expect you pass things on to her as hers will be younger. You seem to have the measure of her so just go with that. You already have your SIL child to bond over with so no need to have potential problems in your life.

Did you get your money back?!! She’s a user and a I would not trust her!! She wants something and whether it’s more money - a lot more - or childcare or whatever I’d back right off and STOP giving her money and time and anything else!!!

Agree 100%
op is being quite precious - your main focus can be your partner and families, but ruling out friends is going to make life harder in the long run

It’s your first baby. Don’t know what your set-up’s gonna be after your baby is born but you might find it a bit isolating in the early days. If I was you I’d be happy to have a friend with a similar aged baby to hang out with. Does sound a bit intense with the babies growing up together stuff, but I’d just ignore that, she’s probably just excited. If I didn’t actively find her annoying day to day I’d just be happy to have a friend in a similar situation and ignore the intense statements she makes

I think she is genuinely excited, but also a bit intense in the process.

I’m going to go against the grain here - perhaps she is genuinely excited and wants to make it really special and wants you to feel supported.
my mum friends have been an absolute lifeline I have to say x

Oh wow. This would give me the creeps. I think she’s lining you up as additional support / childcare resource. Is her other half unsupportive?

Trust your gut if you’re uncomfortable or regret it. I had a friend go weirdly intense and behave oddly when she was trying to conceive(I didn’t realise) & then when she was pregnant. Her boyfriend was really unsupportive from the get go (why you would actively try to have a baby with a man like that beats me). I had been having conception difficulties which she knew about and always asked me about it. She had told me she was waiting for an engagement ring before trying to conceive, which made me feel like it was an open dialogue. It turns out she had actively started trying to conceive the same time I had started IVF. She kept saying like “we will be mummies together I just know it” and talking about doing motherhood together, so weird and that was before she even announced she was pregnant. I had a miscarriage, she knew this and I had told her when I was initially pregnant. She just kept saying “I know the next transfer will work and we will be mummies together.” She then announced she was 4 months pregnant as a big “reveal” - literally recording my reaction, camera in my face. But she gripped my and my friend’s hands being like “I’m going to need my girls SO much, I’m going to be a mummy. A MUM-MY. Are you with me my girls?”. It was creepy but I got the feeling a lot of it was driven by deep down knowing she’s not going to have any support. “Will you be there to support me girls I’m going to need it”. I can’t help but feel she started trying to conceive at the same time (she said they decided to do it - despite only being together 9 months with weekly terrible fights) as I was doing IVF for this exact reason… it was so strange. She was asking so many questions about it which now really give me the ick. Edited to add: she still isn’t engaged so it was so weird she kept telling me her plans were to wait to get engaged before conceiving… when she was actively conceiving and then pregnant and asking so many questions about my situation. Just ew

I now think she’s a bit of a mentalist and tbh I wish I had trusted my gut earlier. So trust your gut OP!

I understand what you mean OP. There’s definitely some people that I became wise to when I got pregnant that were trying to reset our relationship. They had gradually drifted before my pregnancy and when I had tried to maintain a relationship with them had not been interested at all (assuming that I wouldn’t have kids)…announced I was pregnant and all of a sudden they back on the scene. I then feel like I’m managing their expectations rather than just cracking on and doing what I want.

This is my assumption on reading all this. Maternity leave can be incredibly lonely and it sounds like she sees your impending motherhood as the opportunity to have a positive experience this time around by having a friend having the same experience of a new baby. If you're worried about her being overbearing when your baby is here, I wouldn't worry too much as she's going to have her hands full once her second arrives. In the meantime, appreciate any help she provides while you're in the newborn trenches. A lot of people don't get any excitement or support from others.

I'm in a very similar situation, currently pregnant with my first and have a friend expecting her second around the same time. We were very close in the past but drifted apart.

Since learning we are due around the same time this friend has made a big effort to reconnect and has talked about spending time together during mat leave. Being a second pregnancy she has been worried about not knowing anyone else on mat leave at the same time, as the first time around she had a great support network from her antenatal classes etc all going through motherhood together whereas this time she doesn't know anyone.

I feel similarly wary about rekindling the relationship due to the reasons we drifted apart in the first place, but on the flip side I've appreciated having someone to ask random questions to at 3am who's been through it all before. The friendship doesn't have to be as one-sided as it sounds in your case and I think it's doable to maintain a casual level of friendship that works for both sides. Although the 'honeymoon period' may be a wonderful time with just close family around you, you may be glad of the company as the year rolls on and your partner is back at work etc so best not to burn any bridges!

But you've previously lent her money, so of course she asked again. Stop lending someone money if it's not OK as far as you are concerned. And isn't it obvious that if you'd rather maintain a relatively distant relationship with someone, you don't invite them to your baby shower, far less give them a role they clearly think is indicative of a closeness to them!

You're giving her mixed messages, OP, and then getting cross when she sees it as indicating positivity towards her.

Is she maybe lonely as a mum or found her first maternity leave lonely and is excited to have mum friends this time around? I wouldn’t shun mum friends as you may find you need them and your non-mum friends aren’t as bothered anymore.

Except there is literally no evidence that this is true.

I agree with PPs. This is a big game she's playing so she can basically use you. Don't fall for it.

You live your life. If she's being a bit oversteppy, draw boundaries and stop it.

Are you too scared to potentially upset her? Because if so, you need to grow a backbone because being a Mum means being a tigress when necessary to ensure your child is safe and supported

It does seem a bit much and I think if your gut is trying to tell you something, then you should listen.

It may be as simple as wanting your baby’s things after you’re done with them.

However, I think unless you have other friends or family with a baby a similar age, I wouldn’t cut her off completely.

I think having someone in a similar situation is such an advantage.
You’ll both be on maternity leave together and just having that support and someone to chat to can be amazing.

Some people all of a sudden want to stay with their little family and I’ve read time and time again how before the baby’s even born they put strict restrictions on MILs involvement etc but the reality is usually the more support you have around you the better.

She has done this before and so it’s likely that she is doing it for that reason.
I know when my friend got pregnant I told her to join as many mum-to-be groups as possible.

I would just be honest about feeling a bit overwhelmed by having a big baby shower etc and that you just want a affair but that you’re excited about sharing this journey with her.
I’d just make sure my replies to her are quite slow so she doesn’t expect too much.

You really need to start making yourself unavailable and un-contactable for the rest of your pregnancy I think.
She sounds like she thinks she’s the only woman to have ever had a baby to be honest……..trust me, they do exist 😂😂.
First baby in particular is a journey to be enjoyed with your DP and immediate family of your choosing.
Hope all goes smoothly with your impending birth!

Until she expects OP to be involved just as much with HER shower. Bet this woman is lining up plans here. I can’t imagine someone who is pregnant themselves with other children being THIS excited over someone else’s baby- you know the someone who she has barely seen in TWO years.

Not really sure how to word this is a delicate way…but first time mum’s can sometimes obsess over really little things which when you look back on, really weren’t worth the bother. I know I did!

This sounds like one of those things.

Just chill out and let her be excited. So what if she messages? If she sends one text a day, it doesn’t really impact you? After the excitement of baby arriving you’ll probably feel a bit bored and lonely when the hoards of people disappear. You’ll find you like having a friend to do motherhood with.

Just go with the flow. Things will work out. Stop replying so fast etc.

In which case ,why involve her in your shower.. surely you would keep her at arms length,with your strength of feelings against her .
I think your giving her mixed messages

Far too much.
Turn off notifications so she cannot see when you are online.
Text her you need space and are nesting so will not be in touch.
Tell her you will only be seeing family and close friends for the near future and you will be in touch after the baby is born.

Her behaviour is batshit, not normal at all.
Nip it firmly in the bud or you will regret it.

@JustAGirlxo

The 'doing motherhood together' thing made me chuckle. My BFF and I had boys a year apart (her first, my second) and we 'did motherhood together' and it rolled along fine for a few years. But as time progressed both of our sons said 'No' to suggested outings or trips to each other's houses. Turned out, they just didn't like each other. They were both good kids, they simply didn't 'gel'. So there went 'motherhood together' lol.

Just give it time and keep your boundaries. Things may take care of themselves!

I’m hearing your friend is very enthusiastic and it’s coming off as overbearing.

I’m guessing she might have struggled with feelings of loneliness or isolation with her first baby and doesn’t want that for you. She thinks she’s being kind.

Reality will hit like a freight train when you both have newborns (and she has to juggle two children!). She won’t have time for a lot of the plans she is enthusiastically making right now!