How awful was this parenting failure? Be honest

Complete non-event. Your toddler experienced a moment or two of confusion/disappointment before getting on with their fun day. But the language you’re using and the headspace you’re giving to that fleeting interaction is really overblown and emotive, OP, which suggests a lot of your feelings in the moment were caught up with your feelings over whatever the family thing is. And you’re still dwelling on it, which has nothing to do with your child or how their day panned out.

As a PP suggested, you need to be mindful of not behaving erratically or changing plans on a whim because you’re feeling emotional. Small children depend for their stability on their parents’ word being reliable. But today was really nothing. It seems more pressing to resolve the wider family situation that’s upsetting you so much, rather than fretting over your toddler’s imagined momentary disappointment.

In all honesty I’m sorry but I think that’s really mean and cruel. Your toddler doesn’t deserve to be messed around with like this, I can tell you feel bad though so hopefully you won’t do it again. Young children need consistency and something like that is crushing to a young child.

Hopefully your sister will have learned to not push your boundaries again

Look the point is you didn't turn around and go home. You stayed and your toddler had a lovely time.

I would mention to my sister going forward don't spring information like that on me again it wasn't fair.

Same

No kidding.

I thought you were going to say dd ran out of the car and nearly got run over.

Disappointment is a part of life and learning to deal with it is an important life skill.
Things happen where you will sometimes need to drop everything and go even when DC are having a great time and they will feel disappointed and that can’t be helped sometimes, you can’t beat yourself up over it.

Storm in a tea cup.

Child will be ok. It’s built a little more resilience.
Is it likely that sister knew she was pulling your strings? If so practice grey rocking her.

I think you should be pleased.
You've had a learning moment. You've learnt that it would be awful to ruin your child's day when they've done nothing wrong. So you probably won't do it again. And you and your sister restrained yourselves so the day was not ruined. Yay!

Agree with everyone else, this is a non event for your child and they won't remember it.

When I was 3 my mum was taking me to see a friend for a playdate. We were walking and she told me not to jump in a puddle as I was dressed so nicely. I jumped in the puddle - she took me home, sent me to my room, slammed the door and pretended she had gone without me. (My nanny lived with us so she knew I wouldn't think I was home alone).

THAT was a parenting fail and left a lasting impression on me. I still remember crying my eyes on my bed after I thought she had left.

That it?

This. Keep it in proportion - it was a moment of disappointment that you then rowed back on so didn't materialise. Child had the promised day out.

Do your family make a habit of pushing at your boundaries like this?

As a one off it’s not great but totally a none event. As someone else said if you are repeatedly the parent who makes a dramatic “that’s if we’re OFF” statement they’ll likely become anxious over you’re reactions

Toddler will have forgotten it as soon as they realised the day was going ahead as planned. The fact that you’re feeling sick about it shows you’re a
brilliant and caring mum, which suggests you’d have said and done all the right things. Try to put it aside.

You could do with some anger management courses yourself if you think “being human” is a free license to behave so poorly.

Ahhhhh big hugs to you OP, I remember doing something similar and my LO's crushed face kept replaying in my mind. You're human, it was a one off - it's fine.

How ridiculous
Of you’d actually turned round and gone home then you would have been terrible however you didn’t and toddler had a great time. Stop stressing

Nothing to worry about here..It's fine

I have done this before when I'm really struggling. I think if you'd actually gone home, that would have been more of a thing. But it sounds like there was just a moment and then you had the day there, right? So you're feeling bad about one moment, not a whole ruined day. When I've done this, I've tried to explain to my kids that I was feeling overwhelmed, it all got a bit much and I'm sorry I said something I didn't mean. I think so long as it doesn't become a regular thing, it's actually not bad because it helps them to see that parents make mistakes and how we apologise and repair is what matters, not trying to be perfect. My kids are a bit older but even with a toddler, I think it's fine to say sorry. You obviously care so much because it's really upset you and you're finding it hard to put it in perspective. I'm sorry you had such a tough day. Try and be gentle with yourself, you are doing a great job. As a single parent it's bloody hard to be the one person holding it together all the time. Of course we're always trying to do our best but it doesn't mean you can never ever get it wrong.

Bloody hell. Last time I checked parents were still humans.

Depends on the subject.

Yes, toddlers can be utterly distraught because a biscuit breaks in half, they won't remember every single time they are upset.

As long as you are not frequently changing your mind about things, as people have mentioned, it's a non issue. Seeing as this has stuck in your mind it sounds like this isn't a frequent occurrence though.

But the point is that their day wasn't ruined, they had a great day. This isn't any kind of parenting failure.

It is ridiculously hot today, nobody is feeling themselves after nights of not sleeping well in the heat, tempers fray more easily, don't give yourself such a hard time.