Making memory books after poor prognosis

What you’re doing sounds incredibly thoughtful. Beyond the big milestones, I’d capture the ordinary details that made your family feel like your family — Sunday routines, favourite meals, silly phrases, songs in the car, bedtime rituals, family jokes and traditions. Those small things can become some of the most precious memories later.

I’d also write a separate letter to each child about who they were at that particular age, what you admired about them, what made you laugh, what they taught you and which qualities you hope they always keep. A section about how you and their dad met, built your life, handled difficult decisions, argued, forgave and supported one another could help them understand the relationship behind the family they grew up in.

Journey in Pages, based in Amsterdam in the Netherlands, focuses on preserving personal stories, family memories and meaningful moments through memory books. That fits beautifully with what you’re trying to create, especially because you’re thinking beyond simply recording facts about yourself.

I’d also leave several pages for the children to complete when they’re older. They may remember things you never thought important enough to write down, and those additions could make the books feel even more personal as the years pass.

The photos, videos and bedtime recordings you’re already making sound incredibly valuable. Your voice and everyday conversations may become priceless memories in themselves.

I have put my son’s “learning journey “ from nursery in too and a stick of my favourite music. I’ve had to expand to a proper gift wrapped box. I hope you are okay @Memorymaker

I’m both enjoying and not enjoying this process!

What about a digital photo frame with all the favourite photos. My daughter was given one and it’s fascinating to see photos over the years.

My aunt passed away when my cousins were 13 and 15. She put together a box and put a bottle of perfume that she always wore and lipsticks, some of her favourite jewellery, two clutch bags that she had for nights out, a small book that had a few recipes for their favourite meals, the day you were born, how I met your dad.
A bit like you some rules and advice for life.

It’s given them so much comfort over the years we are now all in our 40’s. At sleepovers we would occasionally get the box out and look through it, I’m sure as my aunt intended it allowed my cousin to talk and share their grief.

You sound like an amazing selfless mum and preparing in this way will mean so much to your children and husband x

Maybe make (separately) a list or little photo book of things you think they should save, explaining what you know of who you inherited this from and who originally owned it, what it reminds you of, whether it might be worth money. (Your wedding and engagement rings are easy, but do you have a necklace your gran gave you, a box your grandad made by hand, that kind of thing). They won't be able to save everything forever. Help them figure out what can go.

Hello ,
Just one more thing I was thinking about . Don't think it's been mentioned . How about your scent . Both natural and if you use a particular perfume . Perhaps a scarf for each child , that smells of you ? Or something similar , and maybe a perfume in a bottle also that you use ?
Best wishes to you all .

An amazing Christmas is just the best though @Memorymaker- you are an incredible mum ❤️

I wasn’t super well at Christmas so DH and his sister did Christmas dinner but we did have venison which was DS’s choice. Hopefully I’ll still be here at Christmas and it will be a better meal (DS is 18 so food is very important 😊 )

thank you for such a great thread- if it’s okay with you I am going to point the cancer support thread I’m on (on mn, not external) at this conversation as it’s so helpful 💐

My scrapbook has arrived! I’m going to start writing this afternoon I hope

I love what you’re trying to do for them! I’m with those who caution a bit against anything that could be a burden of expectations. Assumptions about how they’ll chose their lives, values etc can weigh heavily. A friend suffers because she thinks her dead dad would be so disappointed that she’s living in a same sex relationship and hasn’t had a well paid career (she is a childminder and absolutely loves what she does - but she had top grades in school so everyone assumed she’d be a doctor lawyer or similar). So maybe something more ‘I know you’ll find your way. Live your life and don’t worry about what I’d think. I’d be proud of you whatever life choices you make’. And it’s important you share not just the everything is wonderful but also any struggles or wrong turns you took, because invariably they will have their fair share of that. And they’ll feel inadequate if you were this superhuman without faults that people often become after they die.

your live for your family is so clear, it is this that will see them through.

Sorry OP. What a lovely, brave post.
A few more ideas: a list of your favourites books, films and music - and of the stories you most enjoyed together. Videos of you and each child talking to each other. Family lore from your own extended family/childhood. A story about how you and your DP met. Your and your kids' favourite dinners. Their funny mispronunciations when they were little. What you liked/excelled at at school. Pages from their health book (it was red in my day) - my adult children find these oddly fascinating! Your favourite colour. A photo of you in your most beloved outfit. Stories about the trouble you got into at school.
Probably most important of all, a bit about things you weren't so good at, times you went wrong. So they can see that it's ok -and normal - to make mistakes.

So sorry for all of you going through this. What incredible mothers and partners you all are. OP what about making sure the link to this thread is saved or a copy of the whole thread archived so that they can read it when they're much older? Maybe it wouldn't be appropriate but I feel like I would love to, you and your love for them certainly jump off the page x

I just wanted to say that actually, things like your childhood nickname actually might be important to your kids. I'm in a different situation, in that my mum is the one who is dying and also can't talk any more. There are so many silly little questions that I never asked her and can't now. I'm much older than your kids. I should have asked these things before and I can't ever ask them now. I wouldn't mind at all having a whole list of silly little details about her life, I'd love it. I kind of feel like I might just do it anyway for mine even though I'm fortunate enough not to be unwell, just in case they ever want to know stuff they didn't ask. I think absolutely anything you can give them will be valuable, no matter how trivial it seems to you.

Sending you lots of love and hoping that your time left is as good and as long as it possibly can be.

I’m so sorry for what you are going through. But you sound like a really loving, caring mum. And they’ll know that, carry that in their hearts, their genes. Write some of the things you have written on this thread. You shine out of your posts:

Snap! Yes you cannot ever make something as good as your mums. My mum made the best tuna sandwiches - mine are nothing like hers even though they are exactly the same simple sandwich!

Favourite family recipes.

I don’t have anything of my mum’s (long complicated story) except for her recipe book. I value and treasure it. Now she’s gone I can’t ask about x y z we used to cook but I do have the majority of the recipes.

Your bravery is beautiful and I wish you and your family the very best xx

I have the last birthday and Christmas cards that my Mum sent to me. I get them out every year and I look forward to putting them on the mantle piece. I still feel the love in her shaky handwriting and I get such happy joy from knowing she is wishing me a happy birthday.
Maybe make sure that the cards you send are extra special.

I have made recipe books for my kids and had them properly printed. There is no spag bol as good as the one you grew up on.

Would you consider reading one of your children’s favourite stories so they can listen again and if they have children themselves they can hear you read it?

I say this as I wish my DDsd could have done this as there was one story he read to siblings and I as children, over and over at our request and no one could ever read it like him and I’d have loved to have had all my DC hear it and understand why it was so special.

i mentioned my cousin earlier. I’m an adult but something I found bit hard was because he wasn’t old almost everything was about celebrating my cousin’s life. There almost wasn’t a public acknowledgment that it is sad when someone dies and that it’s ok to mourn as well. (I didn’t have a bereavement as a child so not sure what charities such as Winston’s wish recommend regarding this and children.)

Maybe this is more because I was growing up (I’m late 40s) it went bit far the other way, with more only wearing black and being sad, no colours.

My best friend recently died. I am God mother to her children. I'm making them a scrap book with stories from over the years and I'm going to add photos etc. She asked me.to keep her memory alive and I will keep my promise. I'm sorry you're going through this. Sending you lots of love ❤️

Thank you so much for your reply . Honestly, it's so heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time . Your message radiates love . If I can feel it ( a stranger online ) then I'm so very sure how loved your children and husband will feel .
I agree with the poster saying your posts on this thread could be included . I think the more things included the better .
To the other people on this thread , ventress and any others in the same position, again I am so sorry . The very fact you can think of others whilst going through so much is so incredible.
For me , I miss my mum's voice , laugh and replay endlessly videos and cherish her handwriting on anything . I found a birthday card saying she loved me , which meant the world . So a personalised letter saying that would be priceless I'm sure.

If there is anyone else out there who cannot do a lot; due to pain, fear or exhaustion I'm sure your family will deeply cherish whatever you leave.

I'm not good with words but loves endures .

It really is cruel 😢 as you say, it could be a couple of months, or with incredible luck, a couple of years. The IFA and solicitor ask whether I’m 12 months away from passing and I just don’t know! Trying to sort DS’s loans and other financial issues is exciting as I am usually the money person in the household but I’m trying to get DH involved!

it’s so lovely that you had such a wonderful Christmas xx I absolutely love that you have had this opportunity, it’s great.

We are seeing my parents, sister, niece and possibly nephew on Wednesday so that will be a good opportunity to get some stories.