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AIBU?

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DH gave dd birthday presents while I was at work

179 replies

Upsidedownagain · 22/05/2026 07:21

Yesterday was my dd's 21st birthday. She had a birthday list. DH ordered the present from us, picked it up from the shop and bought a card. I ordered another present from a different shop for her sibling to give her. It wasn't available at the store till the day before her birthday so after work I drove there to collect it. I have been feeling unwell for a few days and was tired after 10 hours at work. Our wider family haven't exchanged cards and presents for several years (their choice, not mine), so I also went to another store to buy some extra surprise presents for dd (the ones we already had were ones she'd asked for). When I got home I spent some time wrapping everything, other than the present DH had got and the one from sibling. Neither of the latter wanted to bother to do it that evening (sibling is in a bad place atm). I went to bed early as I felt unwell.

DH works from home and dd and sibling didn't have work yesterday (dd had taken the day off). When I got home dd and her best friend were preparing to go out to celebrate. She came and thanked me for a message I'd written in her card and I realised DH had given her all her presents without me. We have ALWAYS given birthday presents as a family so I was absolutely furious and upset as I wanted to see dd open them myself. She was happy with the gifts but I just can't help feeling that DH (and dd to an extent) were totally thoughtless. They also left the wrapping paper all over the floor in the room I'd left them in.

AIBU? I do feel exhausted and unwell and I know it was all quite last minute and we didn't discuss it properly.

OP posts:
PersephoneParlormaid · 22/05/2026 07:27

I don’t see the problem, you already know what the presents are.

AndAllOurYesterdays · 22/05/2026 07:26

That's incredibly thoughtless. I'd be very hurt. You need to speak to him so he can understand the impact on you

Mayflower282 · 22/05/2026 07:25

Sounds like he was incredibly thoughtless, rather than purposefully mean. Men are so dumb sometimes.

Ndandme91 · 22/05/2026 07:24

Absolutely not being unreasonable and I don't think it requires a discussion beforehand.... we all know as parents we want to watch our children open their presents 😭😭

I'd be so very hurt if that happened in my household. It would really really hurt my feelings 😭