AIBU to ask my 17-year-old stepdaughter for earlier bedtime?

She’s 17 so no your can’t enforce a bedtime.

But that doesn’t mean you all need to be on top of each other at all times. Presumably you have other rooms? A kitchen with a table and chairs? A conservatory or snug or study or something? Even if just your bedroom? somewhere to go to get you time or your and DH time without her there?

Of course it might feel like you are being pushed out of parts of your own house, but you all live there and so, however you may or may not feel about it, it is home for all of you. A shared space and just as important to her as you. She’s not a guest and shouldn’t be made to feel unwelcome. But you will all want time apart - it makes the together times better/ easier. You can’t force a 17 year old to go to bed, but you can take yourself off somewhere, or if she is doing something that’s distracting you all, ask nicely if she might want to do it somewhere else. Learn to share the space, and perhaps adapt how you use your spaces. TV in kitchen or bedroom if you want to watch something else. Glass of wine in the garden if you want a debrief with your DH.

As a teenager I obviously spent lots of time in my room, but I also did family time and I would also spend time sat in the kitchen playing a guitar and writing songs. Being downstairs to do that was a sort of halfway house for me. When I wanted to be with my family a bit, but also doing my own thing.

Totally unreasonable.

You married a man who already had children. Why did the 50/50 fall through? How do you think this kid feels about that? Don't push her out.

I have the same problem with my own DD. Just go to your bedroom earlier and discuss everything there.

When my kids were teens, DH and I had a pre-dinner visit/drink. Kids were told to make themselves scarce while we chatted. They never seemed to mind. Can you find another time for alone time with your partner?

Unfortunately this is a stage of life.

Yes you’d be unreasonable as how do you even know when you want to go to bed to ask her to leave half an hour before?

If you want alone time it’s just going to be a case of in your bedroom for a while.

I have a soon to be 17 year old who is packed off to get ready for bed at around 10pm. She can read or whatever in her bedroom for a bit but I need some adult only time and I want that to be in my living room. I think if they are in education they should be going to bed at a decent time anyway.

But as this is your step child get her dad to tell her.

It is hard, I'm in a blended family and my DD will often sit up until after we have gone to bed too (she's 19 and home from uni). We just move the debrief to when we are in bed.

Why can’t you do that when you go to bed?

I’m really sorry but I disagree. How nice she wants to spend time with you as a family. I’m sorry but I think it’s really harsh to ask her to go away and be excluded. Go up to bed early and chat in bed instead.

There’s no reason you can’t talk in your bedroom. It’s unusual for a teen to never want their own space in their room though

Yes unreasonable
This is her home
and if anyone was to say anything - it would be her father

Yes.

sorry.

do your debrief in your bedroom.