AIBU to ask my 17-year-old stepdaughter for earlier bedtime?

2 hours! That is some crazy bedtime routine.

Is she spending every evening with you in the living room? Strange. I barely see my teens from one day to the next!

I don't think it's unreasonable to tell the children - no matter how old - that you want to spend some time together so can they entertain themselves in their room. I regularly did this in our old house where we only had one common room.

Obviously this is different with step children, but they live with their father who can say this to them.

Why ? It’s our living room it’s alway been where adults are , they can be here often but they also have their own , I ask them to leave several times , if I’m seeing tv that is not appropriate, if I need peace and quiet , if I’m on the phone . It’s a big enough house they can go elsewhere . There is it nothing wrong in needing relax time in the living room . No wonder kids have no resilience , people are so scared of offending them 🙄

A teen who wants to around and social is a positive.
When you need a 'debrief' go into another room.

Surely everyone can take turns using the common room? Asking someone to leave you alone is perfectly reasonable, asking someone to go to bed is not. If there are certain nights when you and dh have alone time in a room and no kids allowed I think that's fair. On some nights she gets the room and controls the TV and you guys can go out or hang out upstairs. Then the remaining nights you hang out as a family.

Oh yeah all they do is play the play station or ipads.
That's all they do at their other house and all they've been brought up doing as their mother is a massive gamer.
Not how my kids were raised but it's not my business, I just have to tolerate it in my home every fortnight, I was lucky to get the slight routine I got. But it's one of the reasons they'll never come more than every second weekend.

Anyhow that's all beside the point, response to the OP was to use their bedroom for a chat. We do have an amazing large room with everything in it so that helps the isolating every fortnight.

They don't need to "skulk" in their room. They can choose between enjoying communal spaces in the home, having private time in individual spaces, or go out for a walk or a drink/dessert together.

But they don't get to force other people in the home to hide in their room, either. Using a bedtime for this with a 17 year-old is an example of being controlling rather than establishing boundaries or parenting.

My parents had a rule that every child had to be off the ground floor by 8 pm. This rule continued even when I returned home from university during the holidays.
I hated it. It made me feel so unwelcome, as if I wasn't really a member of the family. Or rather, as if the family was mum and dad and the children were an unwelcome addition. They were odd people. As children, we always felt like an unwanted burden.
This wasn't helped by the fact that my room was a tiny box-room and I didn't have access to a tv or a computer. I spent a lot of nights lying on my bed, reading a book.
The fact that this is your step-daughter is likely to make this particularly hurt her.

It's fine. She takes two hours to get ready for bed so it works for her. She is still in education so she needs to get to bed at a decent time. And are isn't an adult for over a year.

but my husband and I get no alone time whatsoever

Go to your bedroom?
Go on a date night?
Book a weekend away at a spa/hotel?

Why did you marry a man who has children if you’re annoyed by his children being in the same room as you?

Do you not have another room?
At 17 she must go out some evenings.

I don't think it's awful to have some sort of very rough agreement. DS nominally goes up around 10pm but in practice it is flexible. However telling her to go to bed now so you can have your 30 mins without her is a bit rubbish, and in a blended family you should be careful it doesn't turn into some sort of territory war over your DH's time.

We have found we get our adult chats and our choice of TV programmes in earlier in the evening now, mainly straight after dinner.

Consider putting a TV or monitor in her room and/or your own. It's nice when they are little to have just the one TV but if you are feeling a bit cramped in, make more use of the bedrooms in waking hours.

One day she’ll be gone and you’ll wonder why she never comes to visit.

This wholeheartedly!! Tell her to go to bed so you can have alone time? She’s 17 for goodness sake

Why should grown adults have to skulk in their bedroom? Not everything in a household has to revolve around one's (step)children.

You need to reassess this soon. She is so nearly an adult.

I spent more time with my family than the teenager stereotypes - I liked my family including my parents and we had a laugh. There wasn’t really anything to do in my room!

debrief and watch tv in bed so go up earlier

my friend has teens and she goes to bed early quite often but she plays hide the sausage aka sex

Yes! I’d like mine to go earlier but at 15, 19 and 20 I wouldn’t ask them to!

That’s not how families work. If people want private conversations, they go to their private spaces to have them.

Why can’t you go to your bedroom thirty minutes earlier and talk in bed?

Just echoing others - why can’t you debrief in your room? Do you mean because she goes to bed when you do so she’ll hear you talking and you would rather she was upstairs so you can talk downstairs? Can you not just talk quietly?

this

I never did. Was bored if I was alone!

Any teen, yours or his, will go to bed (or certainly to sleep) after you. They have far fewer demands on their time so they. And it will get worse until they move out. Better to get used to it now because soon you will be in a house share with two adults.

I do think 11 pm is late for under 14.

My 12 goes to bed at 9 when he doesn’t have a hobby that day, 9.30 ish if he does. But he has to get up at 6.30 for school so wouldn’t get enough sleep otherwise.

17 can make up her own mind but she apparently goes to bed much earlier than her peers because she wants to (as I say, I can hear her going to bed now!)