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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do I tell her about the affair?

134 replies

doitell8 · 19/05/2026 21:06

I’m going to put into a list as it’s going to be a very lengthy post otherwise.

DH and I own a business

Our business works closely with another business providing them with our services, we go to to corporate parties but also more intimate parties such as big wedding anniversary, special birthday etc

Other business run by another couple and their 4 sons work there as directors

One of the son’s has been married 21 years and they have 2 primary and secondary aged children, his wife is lovely and I’ve known her 8 years now, very sweet and mild mannered.

Said son has been sleeping with a girl who works for his parents for 2 years, it is widely known as they’ve been caught at work 3 times.

People who work for his parents won’t say anything due to fear of being sacked.

His parents turn a blind eye to it which makes me sick, if this was my son (god forbid!) I’d be telling him that he tells her or I tell her. They let his wife sit blissfully unaware at dinner parties with other woman and husband, parties, even popping in to the work place where he has had sex with her.

I found out about it 3 months ago via DH, both of us think it’s disgusting anyway but especially as a family business where his Mum & Dad know yet do nothing to step in and protect their daughter in law and grandchildren. I have said that I am not attending any more parties etc and have the gift of using my baby as an out of going but DH goes because it brings business in.

For 3 months this has played on my mind, it’s none of my business but I feel sick for her and I keep toying with the idea of telling her regardless of the damage it does to our business. I also don’t want to be the one to break a family up and break their children’s hearts but I’m screaming out inside that she needs to leave his disgusting self. Then I’m worried she may actually know and then I’m seen as a trouble maker!

WWYD?

YABU - Do not tell
YANBU - Do tell her

Regular user but name changed.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 19/05/2026 21:17

CinderellaGotOld · 19/05/2026 21:14

Or just someone with a moral compass - I would hate to see a woman treated like that - it’s the thought of everyone knowing that is so much worse as well.

although I do think stay out of it as OP won’t get any thanks for telling

Edited

Oh come on. There's women and men everywhere being cheated on....it will always happen. It must be exhausting to care so much about other people's relationships. I can barely muster up the energy to care if my own DH is cheating on me...let alone some random couple.

Random321 · 19/05/2026 21:16

I'm normally on the side of tell someone but in this case you've zero direct evidence and technically nothing more than gossip.

doitell8 · 19/05/2026 21:16

Comedycook · 19/05/2026 21:12

It's playing on your mind?! Dear oh dear. They're not even your friends...just random business associates. Get a life.

Seriously, what a busy body you are.

They are people we’ve had to our kids birthday parties, we’ve been at their vow renewal, we’ve been at their anniversary parties, their kids parties, casual Sunday dinners with the family. I’m so sorry that my morals are a long stronger than some seem to be.

OP posts:
LoveHearts69 · 19/05/2026 21:16

Could you somehow do it anonymously?

CinderellaGotOld · 19/05/2026 21:14

Comedycook · 19/05/2026 21:12

It's playing on your mind?! Dear oh dear. They're not even your friends...just random business associates. Get a life.

Seriously, what a busy body you are.

Or just someone with a moral compass - I would hate to see a woman treated like that - it’s the thought of everyone knowing that is so much worse as well.

although I do think stay out of it as OP won’t get any thanks for telling

JumpingRabbit · 19/05/2026 21:13

I suspect she probably already has an idea but has decided to put up with it. Stay out of it, it’s nothing to do with you and will likely affect your business in the longer term.

Comedycook · 19/05/2026 21:12

It's playing on your mind?! Dear oh dear. They're not even your friends...just random business associates. Get a life.

Seriously, what a busy body you are.

HedgehogsOnTheWall · 19/05/2026 21:10

She might already know...

Username19893847477374 · 19/05/2026 21:08

Not your circus, not your monkeys